Met’s rumors

A&P Press 6/11/12
by Eddie Yost

The New York Mets are vigorously denying reports concerning a grisly solution to first baseman Ike Davis’s hitting woes. Davis, in his third year was once one of the bright spots in the Mets organization but health issues and an anemic batting average (.167) are troubling.
The shocking rumors state that a ritualistic sacrifice of ex-Met hero and current SNY television announcer Keith Hernandez was considered. Furthermore, Hernandez’s skin was to be fashioned into an unholy uniform for Davis to wear. The hopes being that this would appease the fickle baseball Gods and turn Davis’s season around.
An anonymous source close to the situation said in part, “Yeah, they (the Mets) talked to Hernandez’s people about the sacrifice thing…you know make a big deal out of it, giant stone alter in center field, fire works.. a real event. Of course his (Hernandez’s) people were not into it, at all. Frankly they were appalled..bad scene…believe me, the Metsie’s are gonna need to mend a lot of fences there. But Christ, they gotta do something. Management would be happy if Davis was hitting as good as (Ed) Kranepool or even Tim Harkness.”

    • spank
    • June 11th, 2012

    I hear the Mets are also planning a seance to contact John Milner, so his ghost can hit Strike Davis over the head with some kind of construction implement, to knock some hitting sense into him. I have no clue as to what kind of tool they are talkin’ about ….
    Strike Davis at bat and me wanna go home.
    1 strike, 2 strike, 3 strike OUT!
    Strike Davis at bat and me wanna go home.
    Oh, and don’t even get me started about Jason Bay, I’ll be the first person in history to be kicked off the inter-webs due to inappropriate and offensive language.

    • Chris Burns
    • June 11th, 2012

    I think it would be much more efficient to contact John Olerud and find out which Eastern European Gypsy incantation or talisman worked for him.

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