Archive for the ‘ I LIKE RECORDS ’ Category

I Hate Me, part 632,007

It was Sunday 5pm, we were closing up, half the lights were off and we were locking the doors. A large guy steamed in, trailed by 3 toddlers and his wife.
“We’re closing up now sir, if we can help you find something…”
“I know what I want. I wanna pre-order the new Metallica”
“I’m sorry, we don’t do pre-orders and it’s not in our computer yet but I know we’ll have a bunch of the album, were you looking for a special edition box set or the LP version?”
“No…none of that shit, just the regular cd”
“OK, We’ll have a lot so, give us a call and we’ll hold one for you”
Meanwhile his kids are upstairs in the sheet music department beating on the display ukulele’s
“we want a tiny guitar!, we want a tiny guitar!”
“You got tiny guitars!…an you don’t play ‘em!”
“If there’s anything else I can help you with because we’re closing up now”
“yeah..looka this”
He’s scrolling the photos on his phone
“…yeah…just wait…yeah….yeah…’s here somewhere…..yeah….”
“yeah, hey lookout this…”
It’s a blurry photo of the guy standing with another guy, who I guess is some rock guy but I don’t know who he is, he just looks like a regular shlub.
“Wow…nice, yeah…cool”
“Ya know who that is right?”
“Yeahyeah…sure…yeah” (nonononono)
Then thankfully his wife piped in
“We gotta go…the baby”
“Yeaaahhh…the baby…alright….”
“Good picture…right bro?”
and then they were gone and the long national nightmare was over.

we want tiny guitars!

we want a tiny guitar!


I Hate me, part 619,924

Morning, I Was leaving the bank and walking back to my car, I was wearing my Jacks shirt
“Hey, HEY! Red Bank Music…HEY”
I left my phone in the car so I made a fist and held it to my ear, hopefully to the casual, far away ,half blind observer it might kind of look like I was on the phone. To a keener eye it probably looked like I was grappling with the voices in my head.
“HEY!!…..HEYYYYYYYY!!! Monmouth Music guy…..HEY!!!”
The yelling was closer, I wasn’t gonna make it to my car. I turned around.
A guy, late teens/early twenties was strumming the underside of an acoustic guitar (the side with no strings)
“Hey…music guy…..hey”
“Oh… hey…yeah….yeah”
I kept walking towards my car
“Monmouth Music is a great store…”
“Yeah…they are”
“You work there.”
“No, I work at Jacks”
“Yeah…you’re Jacks”
“I just work there, I’m not Jacks”
I got in my car, he was still strumming away
“I buy all my records there”
“ok then…that’s great…I gotta go”
Later in the afternoon, I was at work, behind the back counter pricing records. The same guy came to the new arrivals section and started looking.
“Hey…I want REO Speedwagon”
“I just put a bunch out, we have a few of the more popular ones”
“No..uh uh…I want the old stuff…you know the good stuff”
“Well, we got a ton of REO, nobody buys it, so you’re in luck”
“I am in luck…I saw that other guy this morning at the bank…you know the big guy..”
“yeah, that was me”
“No…no man…the other guy…but you’re great too”
And off he went, not buying any records.

You know, the good ones

You know, the good stuff

I Hate Me, part 622,917

Last Saturday, hot day, phone call. Gruff, heavy breathing middle aged guy:
Jacks Music, can I help you.
-Hey!…I been out all goddamn day in this humid shit and now I’m inside and I’m callin’ YOU…Howyadoin?
..ok, so watchya need?
-OK now here’s the thing….I LOVE Three Dog Night…LOVE ‘EM! I saw ‘em a bunch of times…Even..In..Europe….OK, got that… So I want a box set of ‘em…ya know all the bells and whistles.
..mmmm…we might have a best of…I’m pretty sure we don’t have a box set, I’ll check
-go check
ok, I’ll go check then…..[I check]……We have a single CD, Complete Hit Singles collection, it’s $9.99
-Wow!…$9.99 for a box set?!?
No, it’s one cd
-All the hits?!?
yeah, they managed to squeeze them all onto one cd.
-How many ya got left?
One, we can hold it at the front counter for you, what’s your name?
…alright…it will be at the front counter for Jerry or Don
It’s still there
Three dog night

Sawyer Brown: The album covers


There are times at work that if I need a laugh I look through certain artists cd sections. Mid eighties country artists are some of my favorites. It was a time when the country/mainstream/pop crossover thing had just started. Many of these bands delivered the expected goods musically but image-wise they didn’t deliver and the record company art department were trying to package these guys in a way that appealed to a pop audience. My favorite of these groups are Sawyer Brown who got their start by winning a Star Search competition in 1983. Here are a selection of some of their album covers:

Shakin' from 1985 sets the tone early, hats will play a major role on their album covers

Shakin’ from 1985 sets the tone early, hats will play a major role on their album covers

Out Goin' Cattin' from 1986a more subdued approach almost Oak Ridge Boys like, however the captain's hat shows that they are ready for shenanigans

Out Goin’ Cattin’ from 1986 A more subdued approach almost Oak Ridge Boys like, however the captain’s hat shows that they are ready for shenanigans


Greatest Hits 1990 Another hat and ready to party from the looks of those outfits

Greatest Hits 1990 Another hat and ready to party from the looks of those outfits

Cafe on the Corner 1992 Earthtones and trucker hats and not a smile among them. They've been listening to some John Mellencamp

Cafe on the Corner 1992  Earthtones and trucker hats and not a smile among the mullets. They’ve been listening to some John Mellencamp

Six Days on the Road 1997 We're still serious but look at this hat and bright yellow jacket, we're serious and fun

Six Days on the Road 1997  We’re still serious but look at this hat and bright yellow jacket, we’re serious and fun

Drive Me Wild 1999  The boys are back! how much fun are we havin'? This much!

Drive Me Wild! 1999  The boys are back! How much fun are we havin’? This much!


I Hate Me, part 671,991


Jack’s Music opens at 9:30 on Saturdays. My band played the night before and I was a little under the weather, I don’t snap back after a late night like I used to. There was a guy at the front door, waiting for us to open. He was young, disheveled, loud, a fast talker with an Irish brogue. He was talking and walking.
“You’re open? Good, I gotta lot of records to sell. I got ‘em for my girlfriend but she dumped me and kept the good ones then I got a bunch from I guy I know who’s messed up on heroin and my girl kept some of those but I still gotta lot of good ones, well maybe they’re not good, I dunno, that’s your job right? yeah, hahaha. So I got a truck with stacks of em, miles of ‘em. I got a sell ‘em cause I’m trying to get back to Ireland, I ain’t never been there but I wanna go. Workin’ on my accent, pretty good, no? I’ll be right back.”
Fuckin’ hell, that’s not what I needed to start the day off. He went out the back door, I was hoping it was a case of a ne’er do well just wanting to use the store as a short cut. A couple of minutes later he came out of a beat to hell pick-up truck with a giant stack of records and then a second stack and then a third. Five trips all together. A lot of goddamn records. It looked like salvage crew stuff. The majority of them were really shitty records in really shitty shape. However, there was just enough good records to make it worthwhile. The guy was still trying to maintain the illusion that they were his records and was commenting on them and generally slowing things down to a crawl with his “help”.
“Ooooh, that’s a good one, no?”
“No, first of all it’s a Moody Blues record…and it’s empty”
“Oooh…my girlfriend must have just kept the record part then.”
“yeah, that makes sense…look man, this will go a lot faster if you just let me get through it”
“ok..ok…I hear ya big man.”
So, he stood about a foot further back from where he was standing and stared unblinkingly at the process.
We made a deal for the records we wanted and he lugged the unusable records away. On the last trip out he took the top record from the stack, a Living Strings waltz record
“Thanks a lot. Here, this is for you” he looked to see what record he actually chose, “It’s… play these for the ladies…the ladies”
And off he went, there was half a record in the sleeve.

play this for the ladies

play this for the ladies

I Hate Me, part 681,011

Very old guy, looking for a Diana Krall CD. He had a hard to place accent and coupled with his ancientness made it really difficult to understand him. Found the CD for him while he was looking at our small collection of used cassettes
Guy-are these all Jacks?
Me- yeah, all those are his…he bought ‘em
really…there’re allll Jacks?
…..yeah….well he owns the store…so all the product in the store…he owns…until somebody buys it…then it’s theirs

Odd looks (What the FUCK is he talking about?) from him and me

 I want Jacks music
You’re in Jacks Music…this whole place…is Jacks Music
…all of it?
…yeah….Look….I don’t think I know what you’re talking about
Jacks, jacks…jacks

And he pointed to the Diana Krall cd…and… LIGHTBULB!

Do you mean jazz music…jazz…zzz…zzz?
Yes…Jacks music
Yeah…we got some jazz…how about Louis Armstrong?

He ended up buying a George Benson tape and the worst unscripted Abbott & Costello routine ended

Now that's some good jacks

Now that’s some good jacks

I Hate Me, part 620,916


Large disheveled guy and his wife lurched into the store with a big misshapen box of records that was more duct tape than box. As he was elaborately taking the tape off of the box to get at the records within…
I got a lot of great records here…A LOT!…and they’re all in great shape…I looked at ‘em myself…so I know……(still wrestling with the tape, instead of just cutting it off)GODDAMN BOX!!…Yeah! They’re alllll good….
He finally opened the box and it was full of LP’s, solid 60’s-70’s rock titles. A bunch of Grateful Dead and Dead related, a lot with no sleeves or covers.
Yeah…there’s no covers on those
You mean the ones with no covers?
Yeah, them
I start to go through the albums that still had covers, they were a bit beat up but still very playable. The couple stood there staring at each album as I looked at it. I got to a copy of The Beatles-Hey Jude. The wife piped up
Is that Abbey Road?
It’s not a crazy question for somebody who doesn’t know much about music, the album title isn’t on the cover. The husband did an exaggerated eye roll
Noooooooo!….it’s the….the…’s the goddamn…White Album
Ohhhh…The White Album
Yeah…yeah…sometin like that.
Oh… I wanna see it
We’re Sellin’ IT!
I KNOW YOU KNOW! (to me) The White Album..You don’t see a lot of those do ya?
Not that version of it.
We settled on a price and as I was paying him he tried to sell me a handmade Grateful Dead belt, which he unfortunately didn’t have with him.

Rare copy of the White Album

Rare copy of the White Album