Posts Tagged ‘ record stores ’

I hate me, part 884,032

It was a Friday night in October, this guy came in, 40’s, skinny, leather skull cap bandanna. Looked like a guy who I worked with on few Monster Magnet shows, but I wasn’t sure and I didn’t want to be a dick. So I gave him a “hey, what’s up”, and realized it wasn’t him. He started looking through the records by the back counter, “yeah, I got allllllll these records” and then proceeded to sing each band name in a quiet, tuneless voice, “Thu EEEEGULLLLLS……HALLLLIN OATSSSSS”, this went on for what seemed like hours but was probably less than a minute. “Yeah, you guys got turntables?….goooood ones, I don’t want no shit….I had a fucking Panasonic, they don’t make that no more….I’m not buyin’ one more record ‘til I get a turntable…AND fuckin’ speakers…I got all these…look at this” holds up a copy of ELO-El Dorado “LEISURE RIGHT CORSETRA, this is what I’m fuckin’ talkin’ about, right?!…I’ll come back when I get a turntable, don’t worry you’ll see me again”. And he has been back. Every week or so and goes into the guitar shop, picks up a guitar and serenades whatever customers are there and the poor bastard who works in the room. It’s mostly 70’s soft rock.

I Hate Me, part 876,008

[I haven’t written in a while, or more precisely haven’t posted anything. Figured I’d try doing it again, This piece was started last fall]

A woman and her adult son came in and I could hear them bickering before I could hear any actual words, just sharp murmuring. As they got to the used cassette section,

SON-Look at all these cassettes, I should go through mine and sell some

MOM-You need to go through that stuff and deal with it

SON-Hey, they call it spring cleaning not fall cleaning (when he said this it was delivered with a smirk)

MOM-YOU BEEN SAYIN’ THAT FOR FIVE YEARS!

SON-Maaaaaaaa!

MOM-WELLLLL!?!

SON-I’LL DO IT!…I said I’ll do it an I’ll do it!

MOM-WHEN?!?!

SON-Maaaaaaa!

Then they walked through the store and out of our lives

More! stuff found in records

This is another in a long line of posts about stuff, mainly inserts that are found in trashed records
Record insert 1
record insert 2
record insert 3
Record insert 4
Record insert 5 pt 1
Record insert 5 pt2
Record insert 6 pt 1
Record insert 6 pt 2
record insert 7 pt 1
record insert pt 2

I Hate Me, part 515,999

 

Old guy who brought a Norah Jones CD to the front counter but didn’t want to buy it came back in a couple of minutes later and was hassling our cashier as to why it was it wasn’t in his bag. I joined this discussion a couple of minutes later:
Where’s my Norah Jones CD
Was it new or used?
Used
O.k.
I looked through the used jazz cd’s and didn’t find it, I walked over to the new cd section.
Here’s a new copy of it
That’s it!
Oh, but I thought you said it was used
I did
But this is new
I know, you must have misheard me
…you said a USED cd and this is a NEW cd
yes
Soooo I didn’t mishear you
yes.
…….
……
Ok, I think we’re done here

The Schrodingers Cat of CD's. Used and new at the same time

The Schrodingers Cat of CD’s. Used and new at the same time

I Hate Me, part 561,174

A few shorter things:

-For a while now I thought that “Phablet” meant “Fabulous Tablet” and not a giant phone/tiny tablet.

-Eating lunch by myself at a chinese restaurant a few weeks ago. As I was reading the paper and and just shoveling General Tso’s chicken into my gaping maw, a piece of the chicken fell off the fork and landed on my shirt, without a second thought I stabbed it with my fork and ate it. Right after I did that I realized that I was fulfilling Carrie’s very real fear that I’m not fit for society and little more than just a woodland creature stuffed into a pair of jeans and a flannel shirt, Baby Huey crossed with a rabid Paddington Bear.

-Guy calls the store:
I want The Drifters album What you See is What you Get
I think that’s The Dramatics, I don’t think the Drifters had an album with that title, I’ll check
……….Yeah, that’s the Dramatics-Whatcha See is Whatcha Get, and we’re out of stock on it.
Ok, I’ll be down to check it out.
There’s nothing to check out. No album by that name exists by the Drifters and we are out of stock on the cd by The Dramatics called Whatcha See is Whatcha get
No no …No I want the Drifters ALBUM What You See is What You Get.
It doesn’t exist.
So you’re out of it
…yeah

mistaken for fabulous tablet

mistaken for fabulous tablet

 

I Hate Me, part 446,186

It was a slow day at work until about fifteen minutes before Matt left for the day. It seemed like the bus from crazytown (not the band) made an unscheduled stop, which it often does. A woman was asking for a ton of different cd’s, most of it was late 90’s metal and soul. She was asking for them in half song titles and misheard lyrics but no band names. I would show her a section she was looking for and before I could turn around, she would be asking another question from a different part of the store. It had the vibe of one of those Japanese horror movies where there are people who crawl out of TV sets, swivel their heads and crawl on the wall. While this was going on another guy was asking if I was going to see Steely Dan at the Count Basie, I wasn’t. He wasn’t either but…”Yeah, I paid $50 to see Andrew Dice Clay there and it was great, he still got it…about 100 women walked out…yeah he still got it. He did new stuff but he didn’t do any nursery rhymes…so when he was done, I ran up front and yelled NURSERY RHYMES, MOTHERFUCKER! and he turned around, looked at me and he did all the nursery rhymes…yeah, he’s like Bob Dylan…nobody wants to hear your new shit, dude. They wanna hear the old stuff…the stuff that made you great.” The 90’s metal/soul woman was there for another hour but bought a few cd’s.

he's like Bob Dylan

he’s like Bob Dylan

I Hate Me, part 472,914

One of the many problems of being a middle aged man who works at a record store that you don’t own is that you get mistaken as the owner. This usually happens by the tire kickers who come in on friday nights while they’re waiting for a table to open up at a local restaurant. They’re not buying anything, they just want to look. Which is fine, a lot of the time I get a variation of,
“This is a great store, I hear records are making a comeback …you must be Jack”, (because why else would a middle aged man be working at a record store). “Thank you but I’m not Jack, I just work here” Most of the time I get a pitying look that seems to say “mmm I understand, times are tough…I’m sure things will pick up”. I respond to the pitying look with a wan smile and the transaction is over.
Last week a guy came in who was easily in his mid sixties and was looking through used records. I was on the other side of the counter pricing a large stack of them.
“I’ve been coming here since I was a kid” to nobody in particular
“….yeah, a long time…”
“Well Jacks has been here for over forty years.”
“…..you’re Jack, right?”
“How could I be Jack? I’m younger than you…I didn’t open the store when I was a child.”
“yeah, but I thought…”
“yeah?….thought what?…a…a time machine was involved?”
I stopped, bit my tongue a little too late, melted into the back room, slunk out another door and got a coffee.

the only way a 52 year old man could open up a record store 42 years ago

the only way a 52 year old man could open up a record store 42 years ago