I Hate Me, part 681,011

Very old guy, looking for a Diana Krall CD. He had a hard to place accent and coupled with his ancientness made it really difficult to understand him. Found the CD for him while he was looking at our small collection of used cassettes
Guy-are these all Jacks?
Me- yeah, all those are his…he bought ‘em
really…there’re allll Jacks?
…..yeah….well he owns the store…so all the product in the store…he owns…until somebody buys it…then it’s theirs

Odd looks (What the FUCK is he talking about?) from him and me

 I want Jacks music
You’re in Jacks Music…this whole place…is Jacks Music
…all of it?
…yeah….Look….I don’t think I know what you’re talking about
Jacks, jacks…jacks

And he pointed to the Diana Krall cd…and… LIGHTBULB!

Do you mean jazz music…jazz…zzz…zzz?
Yes…Jacks music
Yeah…we got some jazz…how about Louis Armstrong?
NO!

He ended up buying a George Benson tape and the worst unscripted Abbott & Costello routine ended

Now that's some good jacks

Now that’s some good jacks

German 45 rpm record sleeves

Bought a few singles recently and found a bunch of cool 45 sleeves, most of them seem like generic German sleeves from the early sixties. The only song I was familiar with is the novelty song “Baby sitter boogie”.
My friend Jens Bornhoft, informed me after I published this that Amiga was an East German record label (and might well have been the only one) and the green colored single “Sand Mannchens Abendgruss” was from an East German children’s TV show.
german single1german single2german single4german single5German single6german single3

I Hate Me, part 620,916

 

Large disheveled guy and his wife lurched into the store with a big misshapen box of records that was more duct tape than box. As he was elaborately taking the tape off of the box to get at the records within…
I got a lot of great records here…A LOT!…and they’re all in great shape…I looked at ‘em myself…so I know……(still wrestling with the tape, instead of just cutting it off)GODDAMN BOX!!…Yeah! They’re alllll good….
He finally opened the box and it was full of LP’s, solid 60’s-70’s rock titles. A bunch of Grateful Dead and Dead related, a lot with no sleeves or covers.
Yeah…there’s no covers on those
You mean the ones with no covers?
Yeah, them
I start to go through the albums that still had covers, they were a bit beat up but still very playable. The couple stood there staring at each album as I looked at it. I got to a copy of The Beatles-Hey Jude. The wife piped up
Is that Abbey Road?
It’s not a crazy question for somebody who doesn’t know much about music, the album title isn’t on the cover. The husband did an exaggerated eye roll
Noooooooo!….it’s the….the…..it’s the goddamn…White Album
Ohhhh…The White Album
Yeah…yeah…sometin like that.
Oh… I wanna see it
We’re Sellin’ IT!
I KNOW WE’RE SELLIN’ IT!
I KNOW YOU KNOW! (to me) The White Album..You don’t see a lot of those do ya?
Not that version of it.
We settled on a price and as I was paying him he tried to sell me a handmade Grateful Dead belt, which he unfortunately didn’t have with him.

Rare copy of the White Album

Rare copy of the White Album

I Hate Me, part 671,914

 

Late afternoon at work. Large guy, kind of a mess lugged in a large garbage bag of records. I have found that the majority of the time somebody drags in a large garbage of records that’s usually where they belong but like Charlie Brown and the football I’m always hopeful.
Hey Dude, I gotta lot a great records that I gotta sell…they’re takin’ up space.
Ok, let me take a look at them. Please take ‘em out of the bag
He takes them out and they’re mostly shitty and moldy and a lot of them are stuck together from water damage. They are on the far side of unsellable. The record on top was Phil Collins-No Jacket Required.
They’re all good right? Dude, I hate to sell ‘em, I love ‘em…but…ahhh you know…
Man, these records are….terrible…man…they’re moldy and stuck together. Jesus, man….Christ…look at ‘em…they’re shot.
No….dude…no..you don’t want…uh..(looks at the Phil Collins record)…you don’t want…Phil…Phil Wilson?…Dude, Phil Wilson…You can’t sell that?
Nahhhh…sorry man there’s not much call for Phil Wilson these days…sorry..These records are in terrible shape.
(heavy sigh)…Alright dude.
and he lugged them back out

Dude, you can't sell Phil Wilson?

Dude, you can’t sell Phil Wilson?

St. Patricks Day police blotter

(I wrote this for St. Patricks day a couple of years ago and I thought I would reprint it)

Police Blotter, March 17th

A billboard for the “Friends Of the Snakes” foundation on rte. 22 in Bippo County was defaced and set on fire early Wednesday evening. Police are still investigating.

O’Malleys Wooden Staff Emporium (18 Finch Drive), was robbed at approximately 11pm Wednesday evening. Police say that three wooden staffs with a value of $100 each were stolen. A spokesman for the emporium describes the staffs as the “St. Patrick” model, a 4 ft. tall wooden staff in the shape of a stretched out snake. Police are still investigating.

The offices of Snake Herders Union Local 701 were vandalized early Thursday morning. Police are still investigating.

The Dublin Arms apartment complex (7 Kranepool Ave.) was vandalized at 8am Thursday morning. Approximately $500 in damages was done to the complex. The suspect is described by witnesses as being a late middle aged white male with a long beard, wearing a robe and carrying a large stick. When confronted by the landlord the suspect said he was looking to rid the area of snakes. The suspect escaped on foot before police arrived.

A burglary was reported at Snakeville Pet store, (75 Petstore Ave.) 11am Thursday morning. Approximately 25 snakes were stolen. Police are still investigating.

An altercation Thursday evening at O’Flannerhans Irish Trinity House Bar, 15 Oxnard Avenue is being investigated. A fight broke out at approximately 8pm between members of the staff and a patron who refused to pay the $5 cover charge claiming he was St. Patrick. The suspect described as an older white male, with a long beard and dressed only in a robe appeared to be drunk and caused approximately $2000 in damages with a large wooden pole he was carrying. The suspect escaped on foot before police arrived and witness’ say the suspect was followed by 10 to 15 snakes.

A man listed as “John Doe” was found unconscious at Heron Leg Park late Thursday evening. The man an older white male wearing only a robe is believed to be suffering from numerous snake bites and is in intensive care at Bonaparte Hospital.
20130317-2329171-e1425228293201

I Hate Me, pt 639,153

Jack’s Music on a Sunday has a fair amount of people who don’t usually go to record stores and it’s a bit like a curio shop, there are also non traditional customers. This was one who was observed by Jon. A younger guy had a couple of cd’s and he had them lying flat on a counter, he looked like he was trying to decide between them. He finally decided by taking a crystal on a string which he held above them and let the crystal determine which one to purchase. The winner was a Steve Vai cd, I’m not sure who the loser was.

A favorite of man and crystal alike

A favorite of man and crystal alike

I Hate Me, part 628,004

Guy comes in, he’s been in before a few times, kind of buzzed
Hey, how you doin’ tonight?
He stops looks slowly at me
NEVER…FELT…BETTER
well, that’s great.
Yeah, I’m 35 and my knee, like this (reaches down to his knee mimes throbbing pain)..my hip…my GROIN…MY FUCKING BALLSACK…killin’ me…I thought I had testosterone cancer ya know..so I go to a chiropractor, I don’t fuckin’ know, right? I tell him, my knees, my back, my balls, my hip. He says, I can take care a that…four fuckin’ treatments! and I’m great…He told me, you’re good, don’t come back for a month…fuckin’ chiropractors…he said it’s all in your fuckin’ back

One fuckin' back at a time

One fuckin’ back at a time

 

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