[I’ve been swamped with Record Store day stuff this week and anything I wrote was more dickish than mildly funny. So here’s a reprint]
This is a reprint from The Manhattaner magazine (Dec, 2010)
Being the son of a minor celebrity has it’s perks as well as it’s drawbacks. Being the son of a minor celebrity with a bad reputation is mostly drawbacks. Being the son of the late infamous “shock rocker” Kevin Michael “GG” Allin and following in his musical footsteps might be the toughest row to hoe. Meet Adof Hiltleer Allin, the twenty five year old son of GG Allin. “Yeah, I know. What’s up with that name, right? Well you know my dad’s crazy sense of humor, he wanted to name me Adolph Hitler Allin but he was pretty wasted when he was filling out the name card.” Adof’s upbringing was unconventional at best, stories like driving the tour van when he was six years old because he was the most sober don’t paint the whole picture though. “Bet you didn’t know dad was avid Yahtzee player, he was. Most people think life with GG Allin was just filth, feces and drugs, and yeah, there was a lot of that but there was also a lot of quiet time, or brain time as dad used to call it. Besides the Yahtzee he was also an amateur botanist and let me tell you when he was wasted and he demanded the correct latin name of a plant, usually something that he had shoved up his ass during a performance and you didn’t know the right name for it, he’d break out the botany books and give long lectures, he was very passionate about it. Some nights the band wouldn’t start the show on time because dad was teaching us about dwarf azaleas or something.” Adof doesn’t like to dwell on his childhood, summing it up with “It was pretty weird being the littlest Murder Junkie” (a reference to Allins band at the time). The young Allin prefers to look to the future, “I’ve taken some cues from dad and I started singing, I’m changing my name to Little Wretched. I’m gonna be doing updated versions of the oldies, Elvis, Little Richard, Roy Orbison stuff like that but I’m gonna add that little extra Allin zing. You know, changing some lyrics, porn ‘em up a little. They’ll be blood, drugs and of course feces and who knows maybe some Yahtzee as well.”
Old guy who brought a Norah Jones CD to the front counter but didn’t want to buy it came back in a couple of minutes later and was hassling our cashier as to why it was it wasn’t in his bag. I joined this discussion a couple of minutes later:
Where’s my Norah Jones CD
Was it new or used?
I looked through the used jazz cd’s and didn’t find it, I walked over to the new cd section.
Here’s a new copy of it
Oh, but I thought you said it was used
But this is new
I know, you must have misheard me
…you said a USED cd and this is a NEW cd
Soooo I didn’t mishear you
Ok, I think we’re done here
I was out getting drinks with my wife and some friends. The bar we went to was run by a guy I was friendly with but hadn’t seen in quite awhile. He’s a fan of my band The Ribeye Brothers which is really nice and he was telling the woman he was tending bar with about the band. Our first cd is called “If I Had a Horse…”, the title is taken from a blooper reel by ABC-TV announcer Ernie Anderson (He was THE voice of ABC in the 80’s and early 90’s, he was also Ghoulardi, late night horror movie host and father of director Paul Thomas Anderson). The blooper reel is 10+ minutes of the best recorded cursing I’ve ever heard. Anyhow, he says “If I had a horse I’d buy it oats and fuck it” and we sampled it and used it on the title track which is a Link Wray-ish instrumental.
You gotta hear his band, they’re great. He has a song that he sings “If I had a horse I’d buy it oats and fuck it”
I’m mortified. My wife, my brother and my friend Sean are savoring my uncomfortableness
I…I…I..didn’t say that…or sing that…it’s a sample from a TV announcer…a blooper reel..and..
Wait…that’s not you saying “If I had a horse, I’d buy it oats and fuck it”
No…no…no..I didn’t say it…I don’t even know what it means…we thought it was funny..
The barmaid he was telling this to is looking at me with all the disgust that one would give to an admitted horse fucker and I’m verbally dancing like Ali in the ring trying not to be tagged with a bigger embarrassment punch.
No…it’s this guy… Ernie Anderson…he used to announce stuff on ABC tv in the eighties…He’s the father of Paul Thomas Anderson…the director…you know…Boogie Nights…The Master……no?….ok…so this guy….somebody made a blooper reel…of this guy…messing up his lines…and…and…
They had walked away to serve other customers and they were thoroughly unconvinced. I gave the people I was with a “what the fuck just happened” look and Sean said “I didn’t know you fucked a horse”