I hate me, part 530,602

There was an in store performance at work (Jesse Malin)  it was loud and pretty hectic, I was a little frantic. A middle aged woman came up to the back counter

I’m looking for the album of the year…the Grammy winner, it’s the newest Jeff Beck

No, that was Beck, Morning Phase

Beck? Not Jeff Beck

No, Beck…Beck

Beck Beck?!

Nononono…I’m sorry, just Beck

Justin Beck?

Uh…no…um…Beck…one name like Cher

Ohhhhh…so not Jeff Beck

Not Jeff Beck

Hhmmmmmmm…..I’ll think about it

  Beck Beck

Sunday Music : 3/29/15

Docdail-Aere Perennius

I know nothing about this band, I found it on a great compilation Tetes Lourdes-Francais Metal De Proto Le Super Rock Serie 1970 (2005-no label). I’m pretty sure this is originally from a 1969 single.

1444

I Hate Me, part 502,881

I was locking up at work on a Sunday, we close at 5pm it was almost 5:30. The lights were off and I was locking the front door. Two guys came up, pretty disheveled and maybe a little drunk.
Don’t close yet man, I got something to sell….
Sorry man we’re closed, we close at five.
Yeah but you’re gonna wanna see what I got…..A brand new accordion…it’s all shiny…
Like I said, we’re closed…you can come back tomorrow but I can tell you, they don’t buy accordions, they’re a tough sell.
Yeah but it’s new…and shiny…man…
Then the other guy pipes in
…An I got…160 Hendrix records, dude.
160…Hendrix records..all 160 are Hendrix records?
Yeah…you know…Hendrix
160?
Yeahhhh…I think….Hendrix
Got ‘em with ya?
Nooooo….
Well come back when ya got ‘em.
…Yeah but what about his accordion…it’s new…it’s shiny
I made a yeah/no face
Sorry man

it's shiny

it’s shiny

 

I hate me, part 548,333

 I was listening to The Best Show Podcast (http://thebestshow.net  or iTunes) a few weeks ago and the host, Tom Scharpling told a great embarrassing story about meeting Patti Smith and then people called in with their stories. Since I couldn’t call in to an already recorded podcast ( see Mr. Show- Pre-Taped Call In Show ) here’s my short embarrassing tale.

Disgraced newsman Brian Williams came into Jacks a few years ago. He was nice and friendly to the staff and talked to any customers who stopped him. I was working at the front counter, I didn’t want to be too “cool” to not acknowledge him and I didn’t want to be  “Hey! you’re Brian Williams!”, I would have to walk a fine line. So after he was rung up, I blurted out “HEYMANIDIGYOURNEWS” (translation: Hey Man, I dig your news!). He froze up, looked about an inch over my head and muttered “thank you”. For about a second I thought to myself that it went well, then I looked at the next  customer, who smirked at me and I realized what a complete ass I was.  

  

Never call in to a pre-recorded show

Sunday Music 3/22/15

Roky Erickson-The Singing Grandfather

From what I’ve read this is from a collection of songs that were recorded at a Holiday Inn on a cheap tape recorder, just Roky and an acoustic guitar. I have it on a cd called Click Your Fingers Applauding the Play, I’ve also seen it on The Holiday Inn Tapes

R-2060472-1421344405-2212.jpeg

I Hate Me, part 538,530

An older guy came in with a stack of records. He said he used worked in the “industry”, I thought he meant music but when he opened his yap I realized that whatever industry he was in had nothing to do with music. The records were beat to shit but the titles were good enough where I had to through all of them. He commented on the albums as I was looking through them.
Jeff Beck…He’s dead right?
Nope, still kicking
Then… Jimmy Page, he’s dead.
Nope
Claptonnnn…?
Sorry to report, he’s still around
Well, which one of them is dead?
Jack Bruce just died
Who?
He was in Cream…with Clapton
No
No?…and Johnny Winter died.
Nooooooo…I’m pretty sure he’s alive. I saw him open for Led Zeppelin on their first tour in 197…3
Really?…Good show was it?
Oh YEAH…Are sure Jimmy Page is still alive?
Yup
I was looking at the condition of Sly & the Family Stone-There’s a Riot Goin’ On
Yeah…I seen him too…Guy and… the Family…..guy
Sly? Sly & the Family Stone?
Yeah..sumtin like that.
I ended up buying nothing from him

Yeeahh...Guy...and uh the Family....guy

Yeeahh…Guy…and uh the Family….guy

Reprint: St. Patrick and the snakes, a short play

[Here’s another St. Patricks thing I wrote about five years ago]

-Pious legend credits St. Patrick with banishing snakes from Ireland-

[A pub shortly after St. Patrick got rid of all of Irelands snakes. Patrick (he wasn’t a Saint yet), knocking back a few pints with some friends and celebrating a snake free ireland]
KEY: P-
St. Patrick, J-James Fitzhugh
J- “Hey, Patrick!”
P- “You are correct sir. Hey why the long face brother, I just got rid of all the snakes. C’mon have a pint.”
J- “Yeah, I know you got rid of all the goddamned snakes, I’m James Fitzhugh. You know owner of Fitzhughs Snake Circus.”
P- “Uh… so..uh.. how’s it going James….Drink?”
J- “No I don’t want a goddamned drink. How’s it going?! I’ll tell you how it’s going! You just wiped me out. Those were trained snakes, it took me years to train them. You’ve seen it, those snakes would bite their own tail and form a wheel and roll around…It was magnificent! So where are my snakes?”
P- “Um..uh..uh (quietly) I uh led them..um…all the snakes…led them into the sea.”
J- “The sea, the goddamned sea. why?!”
P- “Uh..God…uh… You see God …God told me to.”
J- “…Really? …God told you to. this has nothing to do with me charging your son full price at the Snake Circus last month, does it? I mean Christ, Patrick. It’s kids twelve and under get let in for free and your boy has got to be what, fifteen or so.”
P- “Look, God told me to get rid of the snakes, ok. Deal with it….and…and my son is twelve, he’s just big for his age. He should have been let in for free.”
J- “So it IS about not letting your kid in for free. You bastard, you destroy my business and kill all the snakes in Ireland just to get even with me…out of spite!”
P- “Uh…um…God uh…um…uuh…”
J- “Yeah, yeah I know, your pal God told you to do this. You know you’ve screwed the country with this little stunt, with no snakes we’ll be overrun with toads and rats, nice going.”
P- “Hey James! Is that one of your snakes over there in the corner?”
(of course, there’s no snake but while James is over in the corner frantically looking, Patrick slips out the door)
saint_patrick_expels_snakes

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