[note: this is a reprint of something I did 5 years ago. I changed the dates to make it more topical. It was submitted to the “Incredibly short and extremely stupid- play festival” but was not accepted. Any theatre company wishing to perform this play, please contact the author]
Baby New Year meets Old Man Old Year
[Backstage: Baby New year; top hat, diapers, 2015 sash. Old Man Old Year; top hat diapers, 2014 sash.]
Baby New Year (BNY)-Make way granpa, hot stuff comin’ thru.
Old Man Old Year (OMOY)-Pffffffffffft! Old Man!? I’m 12 months old.
BNY-Sure, that’s great. Move it along old timer.
OMOY-See this sash, it says 2014. Why would an old man be wearing a top hat, diapers and a 2014 sash.
BNY-Mmmmmm I dunno, you’re senile and you shit your pants.
OMOY- Grrrrrrrrr, I’ll shit YOUR pants, boy!
BNY- You’ll shit MY pants, what the fuck does that mean.
OMOY-Look you little asshole have some respect…
BNY- (a dull stare)
OMOY-…gaze upon me for this is your future young one, this is what twelve long months does to you.
BNY-Greeeeaaaaat…are you done flappin’ those old gums.
OMOY- yeah, I guess so…Hey, is there still an open bar.
BNY-Jesus, I’m A FUCKING BABY, I don’t drink, I don’t know if there’s an open bar, I don’t care if there’s an open bar, ok?. Christ look at the time, I gotta go.