Archive for the ‘ I Hate Me ’ Category

I hate me, part 829,040

Call gets sent to the back counter, looking for a dvd, sounds like a middle aged guy.

Yeah, I’m looking for the Bruce Davidson Willard, not that other piece of garbage

(Willard is a 1971 movie about a guy who trains rats to kill for him, it was remade in 2003 with Crispin Glover)

Ok..let me check

*heavy sigh* ok

It’s just available as a dvd/Blu-ray combo. Which means 2 discs, one is a Blu-ray and one is a regular dvd. We don’t have it but we can order it in

Yeah, I ain’t got a Blu-ray

Well there’s two discs in the package, one is a regular dvd and one is a Blu-ray

Why do they do that?

I don’t know, man.

So you have it in the store

No, we have to order it in, takes about a week, it’s $24.99

An that’s for a blu-ray that I ain’t gonna watch and a regular dvd

Yup

So, you guys ain’t got it?

We do not

*Click*

Not that other piece of garbage

I Hate Me, part 838,042

Saturday morning guy looking through the new LP arrivals, started talking wasn’t sure it was directed at me

Bob Seger..Night Moves….Supertramp…REO…

(distorted woman’s voice) what!…Supertramp?…which one?

…you know…Give a Little Bit ‘s on it

Yeah…we got it

I look over the counter and the guy is on FaceTime and their voices are getting louder

Bruce..The Rive (gets cut off)

The What?!

THE RIVER!

Is it good?

Yeah, we like that one

NO! Is it in good shape?

Looks alright

Ok

Til Tuesday…Scandal…Lita Ford, you like her

Which one?

Dancin’ On The Edge

No, I don’t like that one

Ok

The Cars, Candy-O…U2, Blood Red..something…

What songs were on the Lita Ford?

…uh lemme find it.

This went on for about 5 minutes, his iPad lying on a row of records he wasn’t looking thru, which he had to move it a few times for other customers, who were giving him the side eye. He eventually left with nothing.

I Hate Me, part 822,940

I had never paid much attention to Maynard Ferguson, I always thought of his stuff as “Johnny Carson Jazz”, middle aged TV big band, slick but not hip. As I’ve seen a lot of his albums come through the store I’ve noticed the use of his initials MF in the titles and have wondered if they were sly references to “MotherFucker”. As in “Maynard’s a real motherfucker on the trumpet!”

An older guy was looking through the jazz albums, pulled out The Maynard Ferguson Sextet and he started talking out loud to nobody in particular but I figured it was directed at me.

“Back in the day Maynard Ferguson and Stan Getz would drive around on acid playing saxophones…ACID…that’s when acid was legal…and they recorded a version of Summertime…ON THIS RECORD…you can tell…man, you can tell…wild WILD note bending…they were friends with Timothy Leary…and Leary had a house…a big house in California…Ferguson and Getz hung out there and played…and played…now weed was illegal…but acid…ACID…acid was legal then…think of it..now, I don’t know if they were ON acid when they recorded this…and no, I’m not on acid…but uh….uh…I’d buy this record but it’s scratched.”

And then he left, I listened to it and although it was better than I’d thought it would be it wasn’t the acid drenched epiphany I was led to believe.

acid

I hate me, part 820,715

Guy calls up:

I gotta lot records to sell…all good stuff…all good

Ok, bring ‘em down. We’re not buying any classical or easy listening.

All rock…all rock, Moody Blues, Billy Joel…and… uh…uh, it’s spelt..waitaminute…ETINEIENR…TEINEGEE..EIREI….E, got a picture of a dude at a carnival, real rock n roll stuff, you gotta know it, it’s from the 70’s or 80’s or something

…yeah, I’m not familiar with them, bring ‘em down, we’ll take a look

About an hour later he came in, younger guy looked like he did house clean outs, had a garbage bag of records (never a good sign), dumped them on the counter. It was clear that he had little to no knowledge about any of the records but he was trying push each one.

That Motels record is a good one…Rod Stewart, people like him

We got to a record of traditional Japanese music, with most of the text in Japanese

Dude…I don’t know what the fuck that says on the cover but I know people who are into that shit …and dude they are INTO that shit…so you know…

Yeah?

Oh yeah.

Real rock n roll stuff

I Hate Me, 829,073

Sinatra is a Father’s Day staple. People come in looking for a last minute gift usually settle on Sinatra, it’s safe. It’s a Father’s Day gift, the stakes aren’t that high. Phone call: young guy, woman in the background feeding him questions.

Yeah, this is Mario, I’m gonna be coming in for a Father’s Day gift, I want a Sinatra vinyl

Ok, we have a bunch of Sinatra records, new and used.

Yeah…but I want something rare (background chatter )..yeah, something really rare, hard to find.

We have a bunch of albums but nothing really rare, anything in particular?

(to woman in background) THEY DON’T HAVE ANYTHING RARE! (back to me) well, what’s the best one you got.

Well he’s got a lot of records, his career lasted decades, give me a song and I can work from there, or you can get a greatest hits.

(to woman in background) HE DON’T KNOW! …I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO…HE DON’T KNOW WHAT THE BEST ONE IS!… (back to me)Yeah, no we don’t want a greatest hits…we want, you know his best one…maybe we’ll come in, I dunno.

I hate me, 832,444

Walking our dog Lucy (aka, Lady Sniff) a few weeks ago through town. She’s a cute little dog and sometimes people ask to pet her, it usually goes well. This guy comes up, mid 30’s/sunglasses/backwards baseball cap asks to pet her. He does and then:

that’s a cute dog…I got a big dog… pit bull mix…

…oh that’s cool

…yeah…my dog could totally eat your dog

…why?

…I dunno…but he totally could

ok…uh…thanks for the warning

…yeah…nice dog

It was weird because the guy genuinely seemed to like Lucy but his conversation skills were so wrongheaded. It’s like he didn’t have the language and had to resort to “bro-speak”. Or it could be that the Westminster Kennel Club has changed their criteria for judging dogs and now “could totally eat” is part of the competition.

I Hate Me, part 865,119

Couple in their fifties looking through some used albums, didn’t seem like they were interested in buying anything, just seemed like they were killing time.

The woman saw a Fixx album

I saw these guy,

Yeah, they played Great Adventure

No…it was in New York at that jazz guys club

I saw a lot of good shows at Great Adventure…Pat Benatar…

Ewwww…she’s a skank, I like Sheena Easton

ugh….

yeah, The Fixx played that fat dead jazz guys club in New York…Times Square

Les Paul?…I saw him before he died

No, not Les Paul

He was great…I saw him before he died

No!.. it was BB King!…I saw The Fixx at BB Kings!

He’s not fat

But he’s dead