Archive for the ‘ I Hate Me ’ Category

I hate me, part 541,966

I’m going away on tour next week ( I do lights for Monster Magnet) and I’ve started packing, and outside of the usual socks and underwear, everything else that’s going are clothes that get a lemon face and a “You’re wearing that?” from Carrie whenever I try to sneak them into my starting lineup. She has a good point, they mostly look like clothes that somebody would wear if they were asked to be in a police lineup for bums. Stains that have become part of the shirt design, tears that look like they designed for undiscovered appendages. Ill fitting, not in a “too big, too small” way but in a “are you sure that shirt was designed for a human?” way. So these misfit clothes will be doing battle with the rock venues of Europe. Some won’t return, they will not be mourned.

I have seen the greatest shirts of my generation destroyed by madness

I have seen the greatest shirts of my generation destroyed by madness

I Hate Me, part 561,174

A few shorter things:

-For a while now I thought that “Phablet” meant “Fabulous Tablet” and not a giant phone/tiny tablet.

-Eating lunch by myself at a chinese restaurant a few weeks ago. As I was reading the paper and and just shoveling General Tso’s chicken into my gaping maw, a piece of the chicken fell off the fork and landed on my shirt, without a second thought I stabbed it with my fork and ate it. Right after I did that I realized that I was fulfilling Carrie’s very real fear that I’m not fit for society and little more than just a woodland creature stuffed into a pair of jeans and a flannel shirt, Baby Huey crossed with a rabid Paddington Bear.

-Guy calls the store:
I want The Drifters album What you See is What you Get
I think that’s The Dramatics, I don’t think the Drifters had an album with that title, I’ll check
……….Yeah, that’s the Dramatics-Whatcha See is Whatcha Get, and we’re out of stock on it.
Ok, I’ll be down to check it out.
There’s nothing to check out. No album by that name exists by the Drifters and we are out of stock on the cd by The Dramatics called Whatcha See is Whatcha get
No no …No I want the Drifters ALBUM What You See is What You Get.
It doesn’t exist.
So you’re out of it
…yeah

mistaken for fabulous tablet

mistaken for fabulous tablet

 

I Hate Me, part 539,111

This guy came in and had a stack of records. I have to take the record out of it’s cover, take it out of it’s sleeve and check the condition. Most times the paper sleeve needs to be turned around so the record will come out. It’s a minor move, not like professional sign twirling but there is a rhythm that I get into while doing it.
This guy wanted to help to move things along, this never works.
Let me help take those records out of the sleeves
No..no it’s cool…I got it
No let me do some..go fast
I don’t think its gonna speed things up but they’re your records
Yeah..These are my brothers records…they’re shit…I got good stuff
These are fine…good rock stuff
[As we’re talking and I’m looking at records this guy is manhandling the first record he’s “helping with” The Kinks-One For the Road. Just destroying it, tearing the cover to get to the sleeves, then tearing the sleeves to get to the records]
Man…this is a tough one
Yeah..you’re destroying the record
[blank look]
The record is no longer sellable…you tore it up
It’ll still play
I’m sure it will… but look at the cover man…it’s shot
Yeah..I guess…you’re almost done anyway
yeah.
I got good stuff…my brothers stuff is shit

it'll still play

it’ll still play

 

I Hate Me, part 587,991

Really cold night, no business. A couple of stoned, loud talking hipsters wander in.
-…So I didn’t know that a lot of dishwashers don’t speak american, so I asked them did they like the dance I was doing and I think they said ”crazy american”
-yeah…that’s hilarious .
[looking thru used LP’s and finding Journey-Infinity]
-DUDE! Journeysis…I hope it has my song…
-what is it?
-I don’t know…you know…the one…Journeysis…dude!
-…isn’t that just Journey?
-..oh…yeah..hahahahaha…I don’t buy vinyls here but most places have awesome stuff somewhere…but you gotta look [looks at me]…dude…where’s the awesome stuff?
Me-It’s all awesome.
[looks at his friend] …uh…no it ain’t
[finds Bill Cosby-Is a Very Funny Fellow… Right record]
-Duuuuude…Bill Cosby…
hahahhahahahahahahha
Then I went outside took off all my clothes, poured gasoline over my head, set myself on fire and marched down Broad Street.
[in reality]
I went to get a coffee and mercifully they were gone when I got back.

Dude...Journeysis!

Dude…Journeysis!

I Hate Me, part 471,916

An older woman ordered a couple of DVD’s and then asked us to mail them to her. One of the DVD’s was Jersey Boys. I got a call a couple of days ago.
Woman-Are you the person who sent me the Jersey Boys DVD?
Me- Yes I am
Well It doesn’t work
What’s wrong with it?
All I keep seeing is commercials for Robert Duvall.
Well, sometimes they run commercials before the movie. It stinks, but maybe if you just went to the menu you could skip them
I don’t know what THAT is…when I put the DVD in I keep seeing Robert Duvall…and I don’t wanna see Robert Duvall…My daughter, she’s a lawyer…she doesn’t know anything.
I’m sure she’s used a DVD player before…if she’s smart enough to be a lawyer, I’m sure she could figure out a dvd player
I DON’T WANT TO SEE ROBERT DUVALL !!
I ..uh..
IDON’TWANNASEEROBERTDUVALL!! (click)

this must have been the version she got

this must have been the version she got


[click on image to enlarge]

 

I Hate Me, part 476,100

Pretty busy at work, where I feel like the Ghost of Christmas Stupid. I’m kind of beat, the customers are harried and not particularly knowledgeable on what they’re looking for. I wrote a bunch of these down and most of these weren’t as good as I originally thought, so this is considerably shorter than I had planned.
There’s this guy who calls up and asks for cd’s with partial song names for album titles and incorrect artist names, he hedges his bets by ending his requests with “…or something like that”. He’s always wrong and it’s a workout just getting an order out of him. Anyhow we got in his special order, left a message with him and he called back last Saturday:
Guy- I will pick up my order on Saturday
Me- Well today is Saturday, so you’ll be in today?
Guy- No, Saturday
Me- Next Saturday? Or today Saturday?
Guy- Yes
Me- ……so…you’ll be in a week from today
Guy- Yeah, this Saturday
Me- TODAY…IS…THIS…SATURDAY
Guy-…is it?…ok, then next week.

ghost of christmas stupid

I Hate Me, part 401,731

Cold, dead night at work. I’m at the back counter pricing records. Family comes in, middle aged parents and their son who’s really big (not just chunky but tall). The kid is looking at records, father is just staring at me pricing records:
Can I help you, need any help finding anything?
Nope………….
…………………
…………………
Soooooooo….. records are making a comeback
That’s what they tell me
………..Tell ya what I’m looking for…..I like songs from the 50’s and 60’s……….but I don’t know the artists…or the songs…I just hear stuff on the oldies station….do they make any thing that has a bunch of old songs on it?
Yup, we have a bunch of oldies comps, let me show you
[I showed him where the oldies comps are, he’s happy. five minutes later back at the counter, pointing at his kid who’s still looking at used records]
How old you think my kid is?
….I don’t know man
No, really…how old
…I’m not good at guessing ages
C’mon…guess
…No idea…nine
No…no…nonono.
Twenty
Nope..he’s fourteen
…yeah, big kid
yeah…everyone thinks he older
…or younger
The only ones who get it right are his teachers
Well, that’s sort of their job to know that stuff
…..
[Then I was saved by a phone call]

(So this isn’t a total loss, here are some more inserts. My favorite stuff is the ELP Love Beach gear, CLICK ON IMAGE TO ENLARGE)
Scan 9
Scan 10
Scan 11
Scan 3
Scan 7
Scan 14

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