Posts Tagged ‘ dogshit ’

I hate me part 548,444

I hate me part 548,444

I was walking the dog (aka: Lady Sniff), I had a plastic bag for her leavings. After a few blocks when the bag was filled, an elderly couple stopped their car to let us cross the street. It was a nice gesture and I waved thanks. The hand I waved with was also the hand that held the bag of dog shit. The looks on their faces went from “what a nice man and his cute dog” to “why is that tattooed miscreant waving a bag of dog shit at us?!”. I noticed this, made an exaggerated “sorry!” face, switched the bag to the leash hand and waved again, I got stony looks and flying gravel as they sped off.

I didn't want to post a photo of dog shit, so here's a stereo attacking a woman

I didn’t want to post a photo of dog shit, so here’s a stereo attacking a woman

I Hate Me, part 322,917

Carrie has been away for the week visiting her sister, which just leaves me and the Duchess (as we’ve been calling Lucy). So, I was by myself and painting the town beige which mainly consisted of being at home watching the Mets crawl to the end of another season. The dog for her part just stared at the window with the saddest face an animal could make (yes, that includes the Canadian Grief Fox) waiting for my wife to come home and giving me the dog equivalent look of “mom doesn’t do it that way”. Everything went pretty well until this morning’s walk. I always bring a bag to pick up the Duchess’s “leavings” and since my pockets are usually filled with random pieces of paper there’s enough for any extra’s that she’s willing to leave. Unfortunately today she was, I don’t know any better way to say it, a shitting machine. I used up the bag and all the pocket paper in the first fifteen minutes. I tried to get to where they might be big trees with big leaves for a natural shit collection fix but I wasn’t so lucky. A friend of mine gave me a couple of old baseball cards last night. Two 1980 cards, Bill Caudill and Mick Kelleher (both Cubs) and as I was reduced to using those two cards to scoop up more shit. We finally got about a block from home and Lucy did this circle around the stagecoach thing she does before she goes, and gave me a “hey, I don’t like this either” look and went one last time. There was nothing left to use, so I ended up using a dollar bill (In some circles this might be considered a political statement). So I walked the rest of the way home gingerly holding shit covered baseball cards and a dollar bill, hoping I wouldn’t see anybody I knew.

a card like this made the ultimate sacrifice

a card like this made the ultimate sacrifice

I Hate Me, part 196,332

I recently had a talk with the dog about pulling her own weight around the house. You know helping out with chores, that kind of thing. Well she decided to help out by helping me archive my old cassettes. I thought they were in pretty good shape but the dog had other ideas. She decided on something a little more organic, storage wise. Her radical plan involves chewing up the tapes, eating the parts that she deems are worthy of archiving and then storing them in her own shit. I’m not sure I agree with her methods but she thinks it’s a simple, elegant, environmentally aware solution. Or it could just be a scathing review of my music.

Tape archiving pt.1


Tape archiving pt. 2