Archive for the ‘ humor? ’ Category

Old Man Yells at Cloud

 

local-shirt-jpeg
I have been seeing variations on this shirt design for awhile now and it bothers me. The replacement of the letter “O” with the state of New Jersey. New Jersey looks nothing like an “O”.  If anything it slightly resembles an “8”. So if you wanted to make a shirt with “H (outline of New Jersey)” It would read H8 or “hate” and use that as you will.
we-hate-tim-jpeg
There are no states that resemble an “O”. Maybe if you squint Ohio works. South Carolina is also “O”-ish but has always reminded of a turnip or an internal organ.

Sawyer Brown: The album covers

 

There are times at work that if I need a laugh I look through certain artists cd sections. Mid eighties country artists are some of my favorites. It was a time when the country/mainstream/pop crossover thing had just started. Many of these bands delivered the expected goods musically but image-wise they didn’t deliver and the record company art department were trying to package these guys in a way that appealed to a pop audience. My favorite of these groups are Sawyer Brown who got their start by winning a Star Search competition in 1983. Here are a selection of some of their album covers:

Shakin' from 1985 sets the tone early, hats will play a major role on their album covers

Shakin’ from 1985 sets the tone early, hats will play a major role on their album covers

Out Goin' Cattin' from 1986a more subdued approach almost Oak Ridge Boys like, however the captain's hat shows that they are ready for shenanigans

Out Goin’ Cattin’ from 1986 A more subdued approach almost Oak Ridge Boys like, however the captain’s hat shows that they are ready for shenanigans

 

Greatest Hits 1990 Another hat and ready to party from the looks of those outfits

Greatest Hits 1990 Another hat and ready to party from the looks of those outfits

Cafe on the Corner 1992 Earthtones and trucker hats and not a smile among them. They've been listening to some John Mellencamp

Cafe on the Corner 1992  Earthtones and trucker hats and not a smile among the mullets. They’ve been listening to some John Mellencamp

Six Days on the Road 1997 We're still serious but look at this hat and bright yellow jacket, we're serious and fun

Six Days on the Road 1997  We’re still serious but look at this hat and bright yellow jacket, we’re serious and fun

Drive Me Wild 1999  The boys are back! how much fun are we havin'? This much!

Drive Me Wild! 1999  The boys are back! How much fun are we havin’? This much!

 

St. Patricks Day police blotter

(I wrote this for St. Patricks day a couple of years ago and I thought I would reprint it)

Police Blotter, March 17th

A billboard for the “Friends Of the Snakes” foundation on rte. 22 in Bippo County was defaced and set on fire early Wednesday evening. Police are still investigating.

O’Malleys Wooden Staff Emporium (18 Finch Drive), was robbed at approximately 11pm Wednesday evening. Police say that three wooden staffs with a value of $100 each were stolen. A spokesman for the emporium describes the staffs as the “St. Patrick” model, a 4 ft. tall wooden staff in the shape of a stretched out snake. Police are still investigating.

The offices of Snake Herders Union Local 701 were vandalized early Thursday morning. Police are still investigating.

The Dublin Arms apartment complex (7 Kranepool Ave.) was vandalized at 8am Thursday morning. Approximately $500 in damages was done to the complex. The suspect is described by witnesses as being a late middle aged white male with a long beard, wearing a robe and carrying a large stick. When confronted by the landlord the suspect said he was looking to rid the area of snakes. The suspect escaped on foot before police arrived.

A burglary was reported at Snakeville Pet store, (75 Petstore Ave.) 11am Thursday morning. Approximately 25 snakes were stolen. Police are still investigating.

An altercation Thursday evening at O’Flannerhans Irish Trinity House Bar, 15 Oxnard Avenue is being investigated. A fight broke out at approximately 8pm between members of the staff and a patron who refused to pay the $5 cover charge claiming he was St. Patrick. The suspect described as an older white male, with a long beard and dressed only in a robe appeared to be drunk and caused approximately $2000 in damages with a large wooden pole he was carrying. The suspect escaped on foot before police arrived and witness’ say the suspect was followed by 10 to 15 snakes.

A man listed as “John Doe” was found unconscious at Heron Leg Park late Thursday evening. The man an older white male wearing only a robe is believed to be suffering from numerous snake bites and is in intensive care at Bonaparte Hospital.
20130317-2329171-e1425228293201

James Bond 13 original themes

The cover on this James Bond collection (which came in 1983) seems like they’re trying to combine the different elements of Sean Connery and Roger Moore but they ended up with a rendering that looks like a mean Dick Van Dyke. Dick Van Dykes only Bond movie A Dollop of Affability did poorly at the box office. 

FullSizeRender copyFullSizeRenderFullSizeRender (4)dick-van-dyke-chitty97

Reprint: The Son Also Sets

[I’ve been swamped with Record Store day stuff this week and anything I wrote was more dickish than mildly funny. So here’s a reprint]

This is a reprint from The Manhattaner magazine (Dec, 2010)
Being the son of a minor celebrity has it’s perks as well as it’s drawbacks. Being the son of a minor celebrity with a bad reputation is mostly drawbacks. Being the son of the late infamous “shock rocker” Kevin Michael “GG” Allin and following in his musical footsteps might be the toughest row to hoe. Meet Adof Hiltleer Allin, the twenty five year old son of GG Allin. “Yeah, I know. What’s up with that name, right? Well you know my dad’s crazy sense of humor,  he wanted to name me Adolph Hitler Allin but he was pretty wasted when he was filling out the name card.” Adof’s upbringing was unconventional at best, stories like driving the tour van when he was six years old because he was the most sober don’t paint the whole picture though. “Bet you didn’t know dad was avid Yahtzee player, he was.   Most people think life with GG Allin  was just filth, feces and drugs, and yeah, there was a lot of that but there was also a lot of quiet time, or brain time as dad used to call it. Besides the Yahtzee he was also an amateur botanist and let me tell you when he was wasted and he demanded the correct latin name of a plant, usually something that he had shoved up his ass during a performance and you didn’t know the right name for it, he’d break out the botany books and give long lectures, he was very passionate about it. Some nights the band wouldn’t start the show on time because dad was teaching us about dwarf azaleas or something.” Adof doesn’t like to dwell on his childhood, summing it up with “It was pretty weird being the littlest Murder Junkie” (a reference to Allins band at the time). The young Allin prefers to look to the future, “I’ve taken some cues from dad and I started singing, I’m changing my name to Little Wretched. I’m gonna be doing updated versions of the oldies, Elvis, Little Richard, Roy Orbison stuff like that but I’m gonna add that little extra Allin zing. You know, changing some lyrics, porn ‘em up a little. They’ll be blood, drugs and of course feces and who knows maybe some Yahtzee as well.”

Beware the brown dice

 

T.V. Guide Fall Preview 1980 (part 3)

The exciting conclusion (click on image to enlarge)
tv guide 80 54tv guide 80 48tv guide 80 49tvguide802

movies-1

movies-1

movies-2

movies-2

movies-3

movies-3

movies-4

movies-4

tvguide 80 17tv guide 80 41tv guide 80 38tv guide 80 52tv guide 80 50tv guide 80 51tv guide 80 53tv guide 80 55tv guide 80 22

in the wings-1

in the wings-1

in the wings-2

in the wings-2

tv guide 80 23tv guide 80 37tv guide 80 36tv guide 80 35tv guide 80 34tv guide 80 31tv guide 80 44

 

T.V. Guide Fall Preview 1980 (part 2)

Here’s some more from 1980 (click on image to enlarge)tv guide 80 33tvguide 80 15

specials-1

specials-1

specials-2

specials-2

specials-3

specials-3

specials-4

specials-4

tv guide 80 24tv guide 80 28tv guide 80 32
tv guide 80 30 tv guide 80 45tv guide 80 47tv guide 80 46tv guide 80 43tv guide 80 42tv guide 80 40tv guiude 80 29tvguide 80 16tv guide 80 58