Posts Tagged ‘ Mets ’

Many Extra Tales Sad (My Entire Team Sucks #10)

[a disjointed rant written after watching the Mets lose again]

Last nights fifteen inning pathetic excuse for a baseball game between the Mets and what’s left of the Marlins was one of the more painful games I’ve ever subjected myself to. Neither team wanted to win, yet both were too incompetent to lose in a timely fashion. There were more people left on base than were in the stands. Fucking brutal. To call the Mets offense anemic is at best charitable and at worst besmirching the word anemic. Matt Harvey was great to watch, even if it wasn’t a good outing for him. Blah, blah, blah, being a Mets fan is tough, boo hoo. Readers of this blog who don’t live in America have suggested I watch “Football” or Snooker or simply go fuck myself.

Much like the Mets themselves all MLB Club Cans with the Mets logo on them are flat

Much like the Mets themselves all MLB Club Cans with the Mets logo on them are flat

Mets Official Anniversary Score Book 1962-1986

I am a baseball fan and I’m a Mets fan (which sounds like something that would be said at Mets Anonymous, “MA” meeting), so with pitchers and catchers are reporting to spring training I figured I’d post some pages from the 25th Anniversary score book. Enjoy or mock, it all depends on feelings towards the Metropolitans (as Steve Somers would call them). [click on image to enlarge]
mets 86 1mets 86 2
mets 86 3
mets 86 4mets 86 5
mets 86 6

Mets win

I hadn’t really written anything about the Mets this year and I was going to do something today. Something about how Jason Bay might be taking PUDs (Performance Un-enhancing Drugs) and lots of other high minded baseball drivel. But, guess what? The Mets now might reach .500 (aka: the promised land) and I wasn’t left with much. So here’s a best seller list of records from WROW and Woolworth’s, 1959 [click on image to enlarge]

Met’s rumors

A&P Press 6/11/12
by Eddie Yost

The New York Mets are vigorously denying reports concerning a grisly solution to first baseman Ike Davis’s hitting woes. Davis, in his third year was once one of the bright spots in the Mets organization but health issues and an anemic batting average (.167) are troubling.
The shocking rumors state that a ritualistic sacrifice of ex-Met hero and current SNY television announcer Keith Hernandez was considered. Furthermore, Hernandez’s skin was to be fashioned into an unholy uniform for Davis to wear. The hopes being that this would appease the fickle baseball Gods and turn Davis’s season around.
An anonymous source close to the situation said in part, “Yeah, they (the Mets) talked to Hernandez’s people about the sacrifice thing…you know make a big deal out of it, giant stone alter in center field, fire works.. a real event. Of course his (Hernandez’s) people were not into it, at all. Frankly they were appalled..bad scene…believe me, the Metsie’s are gonna need to mend a lot of fences there. But Christ, they gotta do something. Management would be happy if Davis was hitting as good as (Ed) Kranepool or even Tim Harkness.”

I Hate Me, Pt. 208,810

Phone Supidity II
Another phone call, another chance to be an idiot. Carrie called when I was at work and we were talking about me going away on tour, it was a somewhat subdued conversation, “gonna miss you”, “you’re not going to be here for Thanksgiving”, etc. As we were talking, a conversation was going on between Matt and Joe (L not C) about who had number 3 on the Mets. Some inate sense of being a Mets fan coupled with my usual inane brain function caused me to yell out, “BUDDY HARRELSON!”. There was a brief moment of silence and my wife said “Why did you yell out Buddy Harrelson?” I tried to form some explanation about a feeling of loss and the Mets, but it was going nowhere and I just trailed off and mumbled an apology.

Mets introduce Elfrey!

In an attempt to shake things up in a so far disappointing season, the NY Mets have introduced a second team mascot. Nicknamed ELFREY! he is a smaller version of the beloved Mr. Met.  Mets spokesman Jay Horwitz announced the new mascot, “Mr. Met is still the team mascot, we love Mr. Met, we just wanted to give him a sidekick. To be honest, Mr. Mets giant baseball head has scared some children, the elderly, and pets. So ELFREY! is a smaller elfin version of Mr. Met. We’re all very excited.”

Elfrey! and Mr. Met

Mangled Everyday Torment Skeleton (My Entire Team Sucks IV)

Jesus Christ, as a long suffering Mets fan I knew this year was going to to be rough. I had no illusions, well maybe I thought there was a chance they were going to play 500 baseball. I love baseball, even shitty baseball is better than any other sport but the Mets seem to be testing my limits for shitty baseball. Either flat and unexciting or inept and angrifying they have it covered. I know they ran off a little winning streak but it’s been brutal otherwise. It’s painful to even look at Pelfry anymore, he looks shellshocked and on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Willie Harris was a Mets killer when he was on the Braves and Nationals, he’s still a Mets killer. Chin-Lung Hu has name that would be perfect for a “Hu’s on first” type joke, problem is he never gets to first base. I texted my friend Mike today and asked what the hell happened to Josh Thole this year, he texted back that when he typed “Thole” into his phone it auto-corrected it to “Toilet”. Even cel-phones are laughing at them. Their best pitcher Pedro Beato just got put on the DL. David Wright is tied for second… for most strike outs. Reyes is still an exciting player but he’ll be gone soon. And…they just lost another game, boo-fucking-hoo.

If You Squint (Mets 4)

Fifties heartthrob Fabian resembles Mets third baseman David Wright. [Fun Fact: Fabian has more clutch hits than Wright.] Although Wright had a good year at the plate, in the field D.Wright was no delight with 19 errors.  What’s with that bullfighter approach to fielding grounders, yeesh, get in front of the goddamn ball.


d. wright

Fuckin’ Mets

Good Christ, after a rotten year that at first teased hope from me (until the all-star break). I’ve had increasingly lower expectations as the year has staggered on. Tonight it was, “Hey, if we win the rest of the games, we won’t have a losing season”.  I know it was improbable but why not, I’m an optimist.  After the top of the ninth in today’s contest against the Brewers, where they really couldn’t play any worse if they tried, another losing season is a now a fact.   They should take apart the organization at a molecular level

a bit of a reach (Mets post)

With the Mets new hope for the future Dillon Gee pitching well against world beaters The Washington Nationals, I have a promotional idea. Have a rock band who likes baseball (I’m looking at you Yo La Tengo) record PJ Harvey’s song “Yuri G” but change it to be about Dillon Gee. I am well aware that this post will appeal to neither Mets fans (and baseball fans in general), music fans ( Yo La Tengo and PJ Harvey fans specifically), nor Russian cosmonaut aficionado’s (who make up the bulk of my readers). good night.

Dillon G

Yuri G