Posts Tagged ‘ foodtown ’

I Hate Me, part 355,291

 

Went to Foodtown to grab some stuff, not a lot. Enough to get into the “About 20 items or less” line. As I was making a bee line for the register, a woman with a cart darted in front of me and beat me to the line and then jumped in front of her cart to pull it in to the register line/cattle chute instead of the normal push. unfortunately in her haste she came in at an odd angle and it was stuck. This would have been ok if she was pushing the cart but pulling it, not so good. So, me being chivalrous and wanting to move things along. “Here, let me help”.  I had my basket in my right hand, so I went to lift the cart and move it with my left hand. I grabbed it in such a way that my hand appeared palsied. The woman looked at my hand and made a lemon face (“that big crippled man tried to help me. It was nice, he failed but it was nice”). So I swung the cart over but went too far and smashed it into the candy rack, knocking a bunch of candy onto the floor. I felt like Lennie from Of Mice and Men. The cart was straightened out enough to move through and I took my time picking up the fallen candy as to not look at the woman with the cart.

"I'm sorry I smashed the cart into the candy"

“I’m sorry I smashed the cart into the candy”

I Hate Me, part 387,121

It was morning, I got a late start. I had to go to Foodtown to grab some salad and yogurt. Their salad bar is usually pretty strong, especially early. Not today, the lettuce was mostly stumps (the end part of the Romaine that should be thrown out). Which meant that it was a slow moving process to get a stump free salad. As I was doing this, an old guy was sweeping up around the salad bar and in a rush to pick through the salad (with tongs!) a couple of stumps landed on the floor. I didn’t want to be a dick after the old guy just swept up so I went to pick them up as I was bending over to pick them up I knocked over the salad from the container I was filling up and now there was a lot of salad on the floor. The guy who works the sushi bar (which is right across from the salad bar, both located in Foodtown’s extensive “bar district”) was just staring at me with no expression while sharpening a knife. I gathered up all the salad that was on the floor and threw it out and started over. I finally got to the checkout, there was a very old couple in front of me who were arguing with the cashier about a sale. They were buying 10 or so bottles of Alberto VO5 shampoo. This is more shampoo than they would probably ever live to use. There was a limit of two, the cashier tried to explain and showed them the advertising circular
Cashier-Here’s the circular, it says limit two
Woman-I don’t see that
Cashier-right here
Woman-mmmmmmmmm, well how much is it without the discount
He tells her a price
Woman-NNNoooo…I’ll just take the two
He rings everything up and tells her how much she owes
Woman-I think I’ll take two more of those shampoos
The cashier does something and adds two more shampoos and gives her the adjusted total. Now it’s the husbands turn, the cashier tells him the amount, which also comes up in the credit card machine, where he’s supposed to swipe his card
Cashier-that will be $28.46
Guy-whaaat…6?
Cashier-no…it’s twenty..eight..forty..six
Guy-eighty what?
Cashier-No…it’s right here (points to the credit card machine) Twenty Eight dollars and Forty Six cents
Guy-…what about the rest of the shampoo?
Woman-We’re not getting them
Guy-Why not?
Woman-the sale was wrong
Guy-…what?
This went on for another thirty seconds which felt like thirty years and then he finally paid and I bought my salad

a different Foodtown

a different Foodtown

I Hate Me, Part 277,010

My band had practice, we hadn’t gotten together in a while and I blew out my voice. After practice I had to go to Foodtown. I went to the deli counter, there was one customer ahead of me. As I said, my voice was shot and I cleared my throat as I was waiting. The guy working the counter is nice enough but a little high strung and he thought I was clearing my throat in a “Hey! Let’s go man.” type of way. “I’ll be with you in a second, sir”. I was trying not to talk so I just nodded. About thirty seconds later I had to clear my throat again, I tried to do it quietly but no luck and the guy looked over at me, before he said anything I tried to mime that my voice was shot but in retrospect it looked like I was pointing to my mouth and wanted to eat. Glare. “Yes sir, can I help you?” I tried to say “quarter pound of the house baked turkey.” but it sounded like someone was letting the air out of a balloon, I ended up just pointing to it and nodding yes when he said “quarter pound?” Eventually I had a full cart of food so I couldn’t go to the Express checkout and I was stuck in line behind a woman who must have been buying food for her entire town. A couple of checkouts away a girl looked like she was going to open another register but I couldn’t be sure, sometimes they just set the cash drawer up for the next day. So I kept looking over to see if the register would open. It hit me that constantly looking over at the register girl might look creepy so I tried not to look over as much. Of course when I was studiously not looking over, she opened up her register and another guy with a ton of groceries beat me there. I eventually got rung up.
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I Hate Me, Part 276,015

I ran into Foodtown to pick up a few things, got everything relatively unscathed and headed to the “10 Items or Less” check out. In the lane next to mine was this crazy customer who comes into Jacks. She comes in frequently and goes off on insane logic defying tangents. These usually go from interesting to maddening very quickly. There’s a soda refrigerator at the front of the check out so I kind of ducked down so she wouldn’t see me and engage me in a conversation. The way I was crouching/ducking looked like I was frozen in the middle of a fall. The customer in front of me works at Foodtown and was buying something on his break. He’s a large guy who is stone faced and unblinking, he was just staring at me. I was trying to act casual, which was kind of hard considering the position I was trying to hold. I appeared crazier than the crazy person I was trying to avoid. As I was leaving I got a better look at the woman I was trying to avoid and realized I had never seen her before.

I Hate Me, part 244,010

I went to Foodtown to pick up some stuff. It was early afternoon and crowded with old people, this is never good. I went to the deli counter and was waiting, in front of me was an old guy in one one of those motorized shopping carts that the store supplies, they’re like a prehistoric Rascal. They always look cool in a “if I had the balls, I’d use one of those to shop one day, it would be cool or stupid, probably stupid” type way. Anyhow, they’re about the size of a twin bed, are always in the way and move very slowly. So I thought the old guy in the motor cart had ordered and when the deli guy asked if I needed help, Grandpa Munster piped in “I’m next, I’m before him… jesus.” I shrugged and said, fine. A short while earlier when I was at home, I was cutting up some hot peppers and got some hot pepper juice in my eye. It was brutal and my eye was still red and little teary. So the old guy was glaring at me thinking I was trying to cut him and he sees my red teary eye, “You don’t have to cry about it, I was first.” I was somewhat taken aback and tried to explain about the hot pepper and he put up his hand, “aaaachh..I’m ordering here…Yeah, I want two orders of beef stew.. two small orders of stew….Noooo, that’s too small…..Nooo, that’s too big…There’s nothin’ in the middle?…jesus…Gimme the big one but don’t fill it up.” I ordered my chicken and raced to the check out, where I had the small satisfaction of getting ahead of him in line.

like a prehistoric Rascal

 

I Hate Me, Part 200,771

Once again I was at Foodtown, and of course I was in a rush. It was really sunny out, I have the type of glasses that darken in the sun. Once inside they don’t un-darken very quickly. As I grabbed a basket I saw what I thought was a guy holding a toddler by the chest and neck. I was thinking, Good Christ, what a terrible way to hold a child”. I was staring at him and “Holy shit! He just pulled his child’s head off, Nooooooo! I was stunned and staring at him and I realized that it wasn’t a child, it was a melon, a baguette, and a sack of potatoes and the guy was trying to carry everything without a basket. He caught me staring at him and glared and I tried to mime a sorry-I-thought-I-knew-you type thing and I quickly went to the other side of the store. Good Christ, what a terrible way to hold your groceries.

Through darkened lenses, this combination of groceries appeared to be a child

I Hate Me, Part 276,030

It was late morning, I had to run to Foodtown and I had to make it quick. I needed to pick up a salad for my lunch, a twelve pack of diet root-beer, paper towels and some other bullshit that I now forget. I then had to drop the good car off with Carrie and get to work. I was running a little late and I was feeling a little rushed, a less charitable person might describe it as panicky. Anyhow, I got into the store grabbed a cart and headed towards the salad. As I got there this woman talking on her blue-tooth had her cart blocking the aisle, I tried to go around and was met with her screaming banshee child running around holding a big container of apple cider over his head, like he was a pint sized terrorist using it as a potential weapon. I went around the other side and got my salad. A few feet away the main aisle gets pretty skinny due to an overzealous water display. I found that it was blocked again by the the cart of blue-tooth woman, I didn’t see banshee child but I heard him. She was oblivious to my miming of “Is this your cart? Hmmm”, so I moved it myself. I got what I needed in the meat aisle and headed towards frozen foods. I had an open field and I was making up time. I turned the corner and “FUUCCKKK!” her goddamned cart was blocking another aisle, this goddamned thing was like the Flying Dutchman. This time I just rammed it with my cart. This time the woman saw me and glared, I just gave a shrug and a “I dunno” face. I got the rest of my stuff and headed to the check out, I was headed for the “around 25” items lane and out of nowhere blue tooth woman and banshee child cut in front. They probably didn’t cut me off, I just interpreted it that way. So i went to the 10 item lane, knowing full well that I had more that 10 items. This isn’t usually a big deal but one of my more assholish “quirks” is being a “too many items in the 10 items or less lane” nazi. I can’t help it, if I’m on one of those lines, I’ll silently count the items of the customers in front of me and get angry if they are over. So me, Sgt. Check-out is over, way over. The cashier didn’t give a shit but here I am apologizing and explaining, “Well, I’m sorry…I know there are five yogurts… but if you count them as one item…. five times…well…. then I’m close to the suggested ten items…right.” The cashier just looked at me in bland astonishment and said “it’s fine… it doesn’t matter”. I realized I overplayed my apology card and then apologized for apologizing. I finally paid and left, a little more dead then before I went in.