I Hate Me, part 618,900

My hair is a double edged sword. I’m happy I still have it to cover my giant square head but as I get older my hair has become more unruly or as it has been described by more than one person, “bum like”. So when I comb my hair sometimes the combing doesn’t take and it looks like I did nothing. Carrie is usually there to give me a “what the fuck is up up with your hair” look and hand me a comb. We keep one by the front door for just this reason.
It was Saturday, Carrie got to sleep in, I was heading to work and running late. I looked at the mirror by the front door to give myself a once over “do I pass for human” test and GAHH!! I looked like Beetlejuice on a bad hair day. So I had to re-comb my hair but I couldn’t find the comb, it was nowhere. The only thing there was the dog’s brush. I stared at it. It was made to comb hair, it doesn’t differentiate between dog and human hair. Nobody would ever know, ever, never… Kept staring at it, it wasn’t a line I was willing to cross. Yet. So I ran back upstairs and combed my hair again, which somehow made it look worse. Like a really terrible hairpiece, one so bad that people would think that nobody would buy a hairpiece that bad, it must be his real hair.

it doesn't differentiate between people hair and dog hair

it doesn’t differentiate between people hair and dog hair

I Hate Me, part 672,826

I was at work coming back from getting a cup of coffee and I soon as I stepped in I realized I should have walked slower getting there. A couple and their kid and while I wouldn’t call them crazy, I would definitely use eccentric. The wife addressed me first
You look like you work here, I want the Beach Boys and The Stylistics or somebody like the Beach Boys
Ok
I show here The Stylistics section
What’s this?
The Stylistics, like you asked for
Oh he has these…where are the Beachboys…Beach…Boys…..Beach…..Boys
Over here..here they are
Are these LIKE the Beachboys…Beach..Boys?
They ARE the Beach Boys
she wandered over to the soundtrack section, seconds later
PIPPIN!!
Her husband who was looking thru the blues section
Who you talkin’ to!?!
You!!…..I didn’t say nothin’!!……PIPPIN!!
What!!..…I can’t believe he’s dead!!
Who!?!
B.B. King!!
They left and bought nothing

!!

!!

I Hate Me, part 687,991

We have a 2006 Honda Civic, the color is either Champagne Grey or Metallic Sad. It looks like most every other car that was made that year or the year after/before. So I wanted to differentiate it from the others. Mudhoney put out a record that year, Under a Billion Suns. Another in a long and continuing line of great records they’ve released. I ordered it online for a free bonus e.p. and I got a great sticker. The cover was designed by Jeff Kleinsmith and it seems like it was inspired by Richard Powers who was an amazing artist and did a lot of old sci-fi covers. The sticker was taken from Kleinsmiths art. I know I’m making more of this than I should but this was a perfect storm of coolness. New car + Mudhoney + Richard Powers + sticker = Goddamn! So I proudly put it on the Honda, marking it from all other Honda’s.
A few years later, Maggie my step daughter gave Carrie a sticker that had a Pomeranian on it and I “heart” MY. It was cute and it went up via magnet on the fridge with hundreds of other cute/sentimental things. A couple of months ago as I was walking back to the car in a parking lot I saw the Pomeranian sticker on the car. My heart sank, well the part that thinks I’m cool and have great taste sank. Of course I love my dog but I don’t need a sticker on my car announcing it, although the same could be said about the Mudhoney sticker.
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As it was pointed out to me, it looks like the Pomeranian is endorsing Civics

As it was pointed out to me, it looks like the Pomeranian is endorsing Civics

balance of power

balance of power

example of a Richard Powers book cover

example of a Richard Powers book cover

I Hate Me, part 608,813

I went to Foodtown after work. There’s a young guy who works there. Nice guy, real energetic, go-getter type. His family knows Carrie’s family, I think they all went to school together. He periodically asks how various Wyndorfs are. He was outside the entrance having a smoke and he asked how the family was as I was walking through the automatic doors, his last bit was “How’s Sue doing?” Carrie’s older sister Susan sadly passed away a few years ago, something that if you knew the family you would know. “She…uh passed away…” and the automatic door closed as he stood there shocked. Instinctively I walked back towards him but the door only goes one way, I did this at the same time as he walked to the door which opened it, which hit me. Not enough to hurt but enough to make me yell FUCK!
Sorry…
It’s cool, I yelled because the door hit me, not because of what you said
Yeah…… I just saw her…
He stepped back, I guess because he didn’t want to get smoke in the store but the door shut again. Wisely, I didn’t walk into it a second time
Really?…Susan Wyndorf?
No Sue Anderson, You’re her brother right?
No..my name’s Cronin…I got…uh…absorbed into the Wyndorf clan, I’m married to Carrie
Oh yeah…so how’s the family?
Still good
door closed, I shopped, he smoked
StoreImg_RedBank

I Hate Me, Part 610,777

Odd day at work yesterday, it seemed like a parade of slightly off customers. Nothing like, “Christ, this guy’s a lunatic” but more of the low level head scratching variety. Two examples
1)
Guy calls up pretty frantic
Do you got a song called “Pour me another fucking drink, goddamnit!” or it might be “Fucking goddamnit, pour me another goddamn drink!”?…I dunno who sings it
Really? That’s what it’s called “Pour me another fucking drink”…
Goddamnit..
Yeah, Goddamnit
I think that’s it
Ok…( I looked it up, nothing)
Yeah, I’m not getting any matches on that title
huhhhrr…maybe it’s “Goddammit…..Pour me another fucking drink…..goddammit”…I don’t fucking know…I’ll call ya back
Ok then

2)
We sell replacement jewel cases for cd’s. They’re a dollar apiece for the case and the tray. An older guy comes to the back counter and talks to Matt
I can’t afford to pay 75 cents for those jewel cases
Well they’re a dollar apiece
75 cents is too much for them, what if I bought a lot of ‘em, like five can you do better than 75 cents?
They are a dollar for each one, I don’t know where you’re getting 75 cents from
I drove all the way from Eatontown (10 minutes away), is 75 cents the best you can do?
Well, no because they’re a dollar apiece.
So you can’t do better than 75 cents each…(heavy sigh)
He bought three.
jewel-case

I Hate me, pt. 530,610

There’s this guy who thinks that we carry everything that’s media based from every era and is always bitterly disappointed when we don’t have something like Batman trading cards from the 60’s, “*heavy sigh*…really?! you guys don’t got it? I was sure you would…*heavy sigh*”. He came by the back counter, no greeting just right into it, like we had just talked (it had been close to a year since he was in last):
This one’s easy, you should be able to get this
Really? Are you sure? You don’t have a great track record on finding stuff..
Yeah…Eric Clapton…….(looks at me)
Clapton we got
Eric Clapton…Journeyman…..(looks at me)
We probably have that cd
Eric Clapton…Journeyman…Tour shirt…original….(looks at me)
Goddamn it, you were so close man, if you just stopped at Eric Clapton Journeyman
(dead stare)…in black with orange lettering…. and tour dates…on the back
No man…we’re not gonna have that…ya gotta find that kind of stuff on line or…get a time machine and go back…sorry…but man…jeez…
*heavy sigh* I thought you could get it…or have it…how about this (points to some scribble on a paper bag )
I’m sorry man, I can’t read that
yeah…*heavy sigh*
then he walked out
il_340x270.326287708

I Hate Me, part 528,910

It was the day after Veterans Day, I went to the new Acme in Little Silver (which was the old A&P). As I was walking through the parking lot I saw a mail supply shed behind the post office and I was thinking that I will probably end up living in something like it and hopefully I could customize it by cutting a window into it and then sealing the window for leaks and what about ventilation and then oblivious to real life, I walked into a parked car (this part of the story was already posted on my Instagram  @feedtim ). Leaving the life of my mind lying next to the car I went into the new Acme which was basically the old A&P and got my groceries. I went to the check out and an older woman rang me up. After I had paid, she shook my hand with both of her hands and said “Thank you so much”. I thought that it was a trifle overboard to thank the customers for shopping at the new Acme so emphatically but hey, times are tough and it’s good to make the customers feel welcome. I stammered out a “sure.. no problem” and made a shuffling off to Buffalo move. She hadn’t started ringing up the next customer yet, “….no, thank you…for your service”. What the hell is she talking about, I was much more uncomfortable than usual and the people on the line were looking at me as well, “I…I…didn’t do anything”, OH MY GOD, SHE THINKS I WAS IN THE ARMY, “no…no…I wasn’t anywhere…I did nothing…I am nothing”. She gave me a kindly smile like I was being too humble, “I knew when I saw you, I can tell…Semper Fi” and she turned back to ringing up the next customer. I stood there for a second and slunk out.

If it all works out the way i figure it will,  my future home

If it all works out the way I figure it will, my future home

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