I Hate Me, part 572,007

Phone call, sounded like a middle aged man, possibly drunk.
Yeahhh…do you guys got Filthy Shades of Grey
Do you mean Fifty Shades of Grey
Nooooo…Filthy Shades of Grey
What is that..some kind of porn parody like…uh… Backside to the Future?
No…no……no…there’s a song…..
…yeah?
uh..yeah…a song called Earned It and I want the…you know…the tape…of that song…from Filthy Shades…of Grey
I looked up Fifty Shades of Grey soundtrack
There’s a song by The Weekend called Earned It on the Fifty Shades of Grey soundtrack
Earned it…the song…
…yup…on Fifty Shades of Grey soundtrack
well…what about Filthy Shades of Grey…does that have a soundtrack?
No…I think it has to be a movie first
alright…lemme think about it.

Oh yeah, that's it

Oh yeah, that’s it

 

I Hate Me part 523,981

[Two for Tuesday]

1)

It was a busy day at work but not busy in normal way. A lot of questions were just partial ones, like I was on a gameshow:
Willieeeee?
…uhhhh…Nelson?
Yes!…I’m sure you know the one I want…..
greatest hits?
no nono…the good one…
DING! DING! DING! DING!, Congratulations! you have won the chance to help a customer who only has a vague idea what they’re looking for!
Red Headed Stranger, that’s a good one.
…ummm no…
well, he does have a lot of albums. Can you remember a song…maybe it was Whiskey River?
noooooo…………ummmmmm………….it’s Ring of Fire
That’s Johnny Cash
hmmmmm…..that doesn’t sound right……
Well, that’s all I got.
[heavy sigh]…ok…lemme check to see if that’s ok…
He left the store having an animated conversation on his phone.

2)

Then there was a couple who were selling a mandolin but they didn’t tell me what it was to start with
I got something I wanna sell.
Ok, what ya got. Cd’s, Albums instruments?
Lemme show ya
Takes out a giant I-phone, starts poking at it
where are those pictures?
(wife) they’re on there.
If you’re selling an instrument, I can get you the right person to talk to
Hold on, hold on lemme show ya…goddamn it where are those pictures
I don’t know anything about instruments. I’ll get you the right guy to talk to
Hold on…here.
shows me a blurry photo of a top of a headstock with some writing
Nice…what is it?
Hold on…look
Shows more of the headstock and part of the neck, it’s a mandolin
Very nice…I know nothing about mandolin’s. Let me get you the right guy.
wait…wait…here
Another picture, it’s like a slow reveal striptease of this guys mandolin.
Like I said, let me get you the right guy for buying this.
Oh, I don’t want to sell it
But you said you wanted to sell it
Oh, but not now. I just wanted to show you.
Oh…thanks
It’s a nice one isn’t it
…yeah

not that kind of mandolin

not that kind of mandolin

 

Thin Lizzy 1979

I was a dishwasher and a cook at a Sheraton Inn when I was in high school (Raritan High, Hazlet). Thin Lizzy stayed there one night. I think it was ’79. In the band at the time was Scott Gorham, Gary Moore, Phil Lynott, Snowy White (or as he signed it Snow White). Snowy White wrote “chop one out” which I think is a drug reference. Gary Moore wrote “to the best dishwasher in Hazlet”,  I didn’t tell him I also cooked his meal. [click on image to enlarge]
Scan

I hate me part 548,444

I hate me part 548,444

I was walking the dog (aka: Lady Sniff), I had a plastic bag for her leavings. After a few blocks when the bag was filled, an elderly couple stopped their car to let us cross the street. It was a nice gesture and I waved thanks. The hand I waved with was also the hand that held the bag of dog shit. The looks on their faces went from “what a nice man and his cute dog” to “why is that tattooed miscreant waving a bag of dog shit at us?!”. I noticed this, made an exaggerated “sorry!” face, switched the bag to the leash hand and waved again, I got stony looks and flying gravel as they sped off.

I didn't want to post a photo of dog shit, so here's a stereo attacking a woman

I didn’t want to post a photo of dog shit, so here’s a stereo attacking a woman

Sunday Music: 5/19/15

Staple Singers-Let’s go home

Regardless of where you fall on the God scale, the early gospel of the Staple Singers is undeniably great. This slice of heaven is from the The BEST of the Vee-Jay years (2007)

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Reprint: The Son Also Sets

[I’ve been swamped with Record Store day stuff this week and anything I wrote was more dickish than mildly funny. So here’s a reprint]

This is a reprint from The Manhattaner magazine (Dec, 2010)
Being the son of a minor celebrity has it’s perks as well as it’s drawbacks. Being the son of a minor celebrity with a bad reputation is mostly drawbacks. Being the son of the late infamous “shock rocker” Kevin Michael “GG” Allin and following in his musical footsteps might be the toughest row to hoe. Meet Adof Hiltleer Allin, the twenty five year old son of GG Allin. “Yeah, I know. What’s up with that name, right? Well you know my dad’s crazy sense of humor,  he wanted to name me Adolph Hitler Allin but he was pretty wasted when he was filling out the name card.” Adof’s upbringing was unconventional at best, stories like driving the tour van when he was six years old because he was the most sober don’t paint the whole picture though. “Bet you didn’t know dad was avid Yahtzee player, he was.   Most people think life with GG Allin  was just filth, feces and drugs, and yeah, there was a lot of that but there was also a lot of quiet time, or brain time as dad used to call it. Besides the Yahtzee he was also an amateur botanist and let me tell you when he was wasted and he demanded the correct latin name of a plant, usually something that he had shoved up his ass during a performance and you didn’t know the right name for it, he’d break out the botany books and give long lectures, he was very passionate about it. Some nights the band wouldn’t start the show on time because dad was teaching us about dwarf azaleas or something.” Adof doesn’t like to dwell on his childhood, summing it up with “It was pretty weird being the littlest Murder Junkie” (a reference to Allins band at the time). The young Allin prefers to look to the future, “I’ve taken some cues from dad and I started singing, I’m changing my name to Little Wretched. I’m gonna be doing updated versions of the oldies, Elvis, Little Richard, Roy Orbison stuff like that but I’m gonna add that little extra Allin zing. You know, changing some lyrics, porn ‘em up a little. They’ll be blood, drugs and of course feces and who knows maybe some Yahtzee as well.”

Beware the brown dice

 

Sticky Fingers, personalized

We got in a record collection a little while ago and in it was a trashed copy of Rolling Stones-Sticky Fingers that was drawn on. I dig it because it captures some great 1970’s stoned teenager art [click on image to enlarge]
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