I Hate Me, part 822,940

I had never paid much attention to Maynard Ferguson, I always thought of his stuff as “Johnny Carson Jazz”, middle aged TV big band, slick but not hip. As I’ve seen a lot of his albums come through the store I’ve noticed the use of his initials MF in the titles and have wondered if they were sly references to “MotherFucker”. As in “Maynard’s a real motherfucker on the trumpet!”

An older guy was looking through the jazz albums, pulled out The Maynard Ferguson Sextet and he started talking out loud to nobody in particular but I figured it was directed at me.

“Back in the day Maynard Ferguson and Stan Getz would drive around on acid playing saxophones…ACID…that’s when acid was legal…and they recorded a version of Summertime…ON THIS RECORD…you can tell…man, you can tell…wild WILD note bending…they were friends with Timothy Leary…and Leary had a house…a big house in California…Ferguson and Getz hung out there and played…and played…now weed was illegal…but acid…ACID…acid was legal then…think of it..now, I don’t know if they were ON acid when they recorded this…and no, I’m not on acid…but uh….uh…I’d buy this record but it’s scratched.”

And then he left, I listened to it and although it was better than I’d thought it would be it wasn’t the acid drenched epiphany I was led to believe.

acid

I hate me, part 820,715

Guy calls up:

I gotta lot records to sell…all good stuff…all good

Ok, bring ‘em down. We’re not buying any classical or easy listening.

All rock…all rock, Moody Blues, Billy Joel…and… uh…uh, it’s spelt..waitaminute…ETINEIENR…TEINEGEE..EIREI….E, got a picture of a dude at a carnival, real rock n roll stuff, you gotta know it, it’s from the 70’s or 80’s or something

…yeah, I’m not familiar with them, bring ‘em down, we’ll take a look

About an hour later he came in, younger guy looked like he did house clean outs, had a garbage bag of records (never a good sign), dumped them on the counter. It was clear that he had little to no knowledge about any of the records but he was trying push each one.

That Motels record is a good one…Rod Stewart, people like him

We got to a record of traditional Japanese music, with most of the text in Japanese

Dude…I don’t know what the fuck that says on the cover but I know people who are into that shit …and dude they are INTO that shit…so you know…

Yeah?

Oh yeah.

Real rock n roll stuff

I Hate Me, 829,073

Sinatra is a Father’s Day staple. People come in looking for a last minute gift usually settle on Sinatra, it’s safe. It’s a Father’s Day gift, the stakes aren’t that high. Phone call: young guy, woman in the background feeding him questions.

Yeah, this is Mario, I’m gonna be coming in for a Father’s Day gift, I want a Sinatra vinyl

Ok, we have a bunch of Sinatra records, new and used.

Yeah…but I want something rare (background chatter )..yeah, something really rare, hard to find.

We have a bunch of albums but nothing really rare, anything in particular?

(to woman in background) THEY DON’T HAVE ANYTHING RARE! (back to me) well, what’s the best one you got.

Well he’s got a lot of records, his career lasted decades, give me a song and I can work from there, or you can get a greatest hits.

(to woman in background) HE DON’T KNOW! …I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO…HE DON’T KNOW WHAT THE BEST ONE IS!… (back to me)Yeah, no we don’t want a greatest hits…we want, you know his best one…maybe we’ll come in, I dunno.

I hate me, 832,444

Walking our dog Lucy (aka, Lady Sniff) a few weeks ago through town. She’s a cute little dog and sometimes people ask to pet her, it usually goes well. This guy comes up, mid 30’s/sunglasses/backwards baseball cap asks to pet her. He does and then:

that’s a cute dog…I got a big dog… pit bull mix…

…oh that’s cool

…yeah…my dog could totally eat your dog

…why?

…I dunno…but he totally could

ok…uh…thanks for the warning

…yeah…nice dog

It was weird because the guy genuinely seemed to like Lucy but his conversation skills were so wrongheaded. It’s like he didn’t have the language and had to resort to “bro-speak”. Or it could be that the Westminster Kennel Club has changed their criteria for judging dogs and now “could totally eat” is part of the competition.

I hate me, part 843,154

Same guy as ELO post (the last post). He came in last week, was going through the new arrival bin of used LP’s. Announcing each artist he was looking at: Jeff BECK! Chi..ca..GO! Jefferson…STARSHIP!? He found a copy of Jethro Tull-Aqualung. Hmmmm…Jethro Tull!… my man!….Aqua…Man! (singing) “Greasy fingers smearing…some shabby cologne…YEAH!” That’s what I’m talking about…member back in the day when you could get 100 albums for a dime…A hundred fucking albums!…For a FUCKING DIME! Hahaha…hah..(cough)…those were the fucking days, right?!

Aqua…man!

I hate me, part 884,032

It was a Friday night in October, this guy came in, 40’s, skinny, leather skull cap bandanna. Looked like a guy who I worked with on few Monster Magnet shows, but I wasn’t sure and I didn’t want to be a dick. So I gave him a “hey, what’s up”, and realized it wasn’t him. He started looking through the records by the back counter, “yeah, I got allllllll these records” and then proceeded to sing each band name in a quiet, tuneless voice, “Thu EEEEGULLLLLS……HALLLLIN OATSSSSS”, this went on for what seemed like hours but was probably less than a minute. “Yeah, you guys got turntables?….goooood ones, I don’t want no shit….I had a fucking Panasonic, they don’t make that no more….I’m not buyin’ one more record ‘til I get a turntable…AND fuckin’ speakers…I got all these…look at this” holds up a copy of ELO-El Dorado “LEISURE RIGHT CORSETRA, this is what I’m fuckin’ talkin’ about, right?!…I’ll come back when I get a turntable, don’t worry you’ll see me again”. And he has been back. Every week or so and goes into the guitar shop, picks up a guitar and serenades whatever customers are there and the poor bastard who works in the room. It’s mostly 70’s soft rock.

I Hate Me, part 865,119

Couple in their fifties looking through some used albums, didn’t seem like they were interested in buying anything, just seemed like they were killing time.

The woman saw a Fixx album

I saw these guy,

Yeah, they played Great Adventure

No…it was in New York at that jazz guys club

I saw a lot of good shows at Great Adventure…Pat Benatar…

Ewwww…she’s a skank, I like Sheena Easton

ugh….

yeah, The Fixx played that fat dead jazz guys club in New York…Times Square

Les Paul?…I saw him before he died

No, not Les Paul

He was great…I saw him before he died

No!.. it was BB King!…I saw The Fixx at BB Kings!

He’s not fat

But he’s dead