I Hate Me, Part 237,991

I have been accused on more than one occasion of being easily enraged and while I don’t see it, I will admit that my slightly annoyed voice could be construed as enraged.
I went to work on Wednesday and with a holiday shortened week we were supposed to be paid a day early. The paycheck company screwed up and the date on the check was wrong, so the correct checks weren’t coming in until Thursday which was our regular payday. This isn’t really a big deal at all but I think Chris (the other manager) thought that I was going to “freak out” so he tried to handle the news with kid gloves, but it kind of backfired:

CHRIS-Look, there’s a little problem with the checks but it’ll be alright, they put the wrong date on them, Jack’ll cash your check if you need it today, you’ll just sign over the new check tomorrow.

ME-Oh, that sucks, those assholes are…assholes.

Now at this point I wasn’t freaking out, I was resigned to the fact that our payroll people fucked up. Chris heard this as me “freaking out” and tried to calm me down.

CHRIS-Look! Don’t worry! Jack’ll cash your check, You’ll get your money! It’ll be ok!

ME-Yeah, I know it’ll be ok. I was just saying the payroll company was fucked.

At this point I was annoyed, not because of the pay check but because Chris was acting like I was some raving madman and he was frantically trying to calm me down.

CHRIS-Calm down! You’ll get your money! It’ll be ok! Don’t worry!

ME-I know, I know it’ll be ok! Stop freaking out! All I was saying was that the payroll people were dicks, Calm down!

CHRIS-I’m not freaking out, you’re freaking out!

By this time I was freaking out. So I took a deep breath, went out got a cup of coffee and went back to work as if nothing happened.

December 31st, 2009, 11:58pm

Baby New Year meets Old Man Old Year

[Backstage: Baby New year; top hat, diapers, 2010 sash. Old Man Old Year; top hat diapers, 2009 sash.]

Baby New Year (BNY)-Make way granpa, hot stuff comin’ thru.

Old Man Old Year (OMOY)-Pffffffffffft! Old Man!? I’m 12 months old.

BNY-Sure, that’s great. Move it along old timer.

OMOY-See this sash, it says 2009. Why would an old man be wearing a top hat, diapers and a 2009 sash.

BNY-Mmmmmm I dunno, you’re senile and you shit your pants.

OMOY– Grrrrrrrrr, I’ll shit YOUR pants, boy!

BNY– You’ll shit MY pants, what the fuck does that mean.

OMOY-Look you little asshole have some respect…

BNY– (a dull stare)

OMOY-…gaze upon me for this is your future young one, this is what twelve long months does to you.

BNY-Greeeeaaaaat…are you done flappin’ those old gums.

OMOY– yeah, I guess so…Hey, is there still an open bar.

BNY-Jesus, I’m A FUCKING BABY, I don’t drink, I don’t know if there’s an open bar, I don’t care if there’s an open bar, ok?. Christ look at the time, I gotta go.

OMOY-For fucks sake, can I get a goddamned drink around here!

Not That You Asked, but… (another truthful post)

My halloween costume, the cover of the Red Red Meat reissue. trick or treat.

my best of 2009
[Please allow me to wallow in my record geekery, thank you.]
There was a lot of really good music that came out this year. First the new records, I know the Death record was recorded in the ‘70s but I don’t think any of it ever came out before this year. For Christmas I also got the new Bassholes- And Without a Name (Columbus Discount) and the Michael Yonkers/Plastic Crimewave Sound-Bleed Out (Spiral Staircase) but I haven’t had a chance to listen to them yet, I’m sure they would have made the list.
[there’s no order to this]
New cd’s/lp’s:
Wooden Shjips-Dos (Holy Mountain)
Ty Segall-Lemons (Goner)
Spider Bags-Goodbye Cruel World, Hello Crueler World (Birdman)
Boston Spaceships- Zero to 99 (Guided By Voices, Inc.)
Jack Rose & The Black Twig Pickers-S/T (VHF)
Death-For the Whole World to See (Drag City)
Mudhoney-Live at El Sol (Munster)
Waumiss-S/T (Odessa)
El Jesus de Magico-Scalping the Guru (Columbus Discount)
Pissed Jeans-King of Jeans (Sub Pop)
Thee Oh Sees-Dog Poison (Captured Tracks)
Forge Your Own Chains-Psychedelic Ballads & Dirges ’68-’74[comp] (Now Again)

Of course the Big Star-Keep an Eye on the Sky and the Beatles-Mono box, because I am a record store mutant and we live for that shit. Other really good re-issues:
Red Red Meat-Bunny Gets Paid (Sub Pop)
Loop-World in Your Eyes-(Reactor)
Eddy Current Suppression Ring-S/T (Goner)

There was a lot of goddamned singles this year, I missed about 3/4 of them. Here’s a bunch I liked:
Andre Ethier-Running of the Bulls (dull knife)
Sic Alps-L Mansion (slumberland)
Ebonics- s/t (daggerman)
Easy Action-She ain’t my Girlfiend (shake it)
GG King-Drug Zoo (rob’s house)
UV Race-Malaria (s-s records)
Woven Bones-Your Sorcery (sweet rot)


I Like Records 24

A few choice customers from the Christmas season:
[+ customer, – me]
Phone call
+”yeah, I heard 45’s are coming back, is that true?
-“well, some bands are putting out 45’s”
+”yeah, well that’s good ’cause I’m looking for some.”
-“we only sell new 45’s and we don’t have a ton of them just a few, what were you looking for?”
+”that’s good, I’m looking for a new one, by Eddie Grant”
-“Really? The last thing I remember from him was Electric Avenue and that was like 20 years ago or so.
+”yeah, that’s the song, it’s not new?”
-“no, it’s pretty old.”
+”are you sure? I think it’s new”
-“no, it’s pretty old, and we don’t have it on ’45”
+”Eddie Grant? Electric Avenue? are you sure.”
+”it’s for a Christmas present”
-“I’m sorry”
+”are you?!” CLICK
This happened to Jason
[+ customer, – Jason]

+”I need help with a new woman singer”
-“do you know her name?”
-“do you you know a song title or an album title?”
-“do you know what kind of music?
+”nice music”
-“mmmm, do you know what she looks like?”
+”she’s new”
-“could it be Susan Boyle?
+”I don’t know”
She left with nothing.
This happened to Matt
[+ customer, – Matt]

+”I’m looking for a new album that Springsteen is a guest on”
-“well, he sings on the new Roseanne Cash cd”
+”No, no it’s a country guy from the 70’s”
After 15 minutes of checking online for leads of Springsteen guesting on a 70’s country guy record
+” I know he shops here, why don’t you just call him for me and ask him.
+”I’m serious”
[more silence] the woman gets a text
+”oh, it is Roseanne Cash”

American Santa Vs. Russian Santa

While going thru some of my parents’ old things, I came across a cold war era Christmas pamphlet that was distributed by the Bayonne Decency League (the BDL) entitled The American Santa Claus. Here’s an excerpt comparing the American Santa with the Russian Santa:

* The American Santa delivers toys and candy.
* The Russian Santa delivers savage beatings.

* The American Santa wears a red suit the same color as the proud red stripes of the American flag.
* The Russian Santa wears a suit stained red with the blood of innocents.

* The American Santa has friendly, patriotic reindeer pulling his sled thru the night sky.
* The Russian Santa has bloodthirsty flying wolves pulling a dilapidated prison wagon around.

* The American Santa puts toys and treats into stockings hung with care.
* The Russian Santa slops sour borscht into hollowed out peasant feet that are crudely nailed to a wall.

* The American Santa eats milk and cookies left out for him by boys and girls.
* The Russian Santa feasts on childrens dreams and drinks their frightened tears.

I Hate Me, Part 013,117

We had a giant snowstorm saturday night, about 18 inches or so. So sunday was a mess, I dug out of my house and walked to work and started shoveling in front of the store. As I was shoveling, this down and outer came by and asked if I needed any help. He wasn’t one of the regulars (Human Time Bomb, Black Frankenstein, Caney & Pipey), he was a little skinny guy with a child sized snow shovel working an unlit cigarette in his mouth like a toothpick.
Guy: “Hey, I’ll help you shovel for a coffee and some smokes.”
Me: “No, I’m alright, thanks for asking though.”
I went back to shoveling and I noticed that the guy hadn’t moved, he was standing there looking at me and chuckling.
“huh, huh, huh”
I ignored him, hoping he would drift on down the line and offer his services elswhere.
“huh, huh, huh”
Fuck! I’m getting heckled while I’m shoveling, by a guy who sounds like Beavis (or Butthead)
“Yeah?!? ”
“…huh, huh, huh.”
I’d had enough and tossed a shovel of snow at him and he left.

I Like records 23

A woman on a cel phone came up to the counter and had this fractured conversation between her, me and the person on the phone. She had the phone to her ear the whole time and spoke at the same volume.
[ KEY: “+” is the woman on the phone, “” is me]
+Do you have any Barry White cd’s?”
As I went to show her the Barry White section,
+“Have you thought about getting a brain biopsy?”
Excuse me?”
“No, not you… Is this all the Barry White you have?”
-“Yes, it is”
“No, not you, the guy at the store…but you should check out a brain biopsy, they take a small part of the brain out and test it…Where’s your gospel at?…No, not you, the guy at the store.”
I showed her then acted like I had a phone call and hid until she left.


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