I Hate Me, Part 166,303

Signs of my impending senility
1)While describing the spelling of something, I had to describe a ” – “ I could have went with “hyphen”, even “dash” would have been acceptable. Not being able to get my brain synapses to fire correctly the best I could muster up was “half an equal sign”.  2) We were playing Dave Van Ronk in the store today and someone asked me who it was and I couldn’t think of his name and after some brain grimacing I blurted out “Snol Tempson”,  who for all I know might be the swedish Dave Van Ronk (or as us cool kids refer to him, DVR).  It’s all down hill from here.

Holder wrong about Harry Reid?

A&P news service
Eric Holder, the nation’s first black attorney general, defended Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid on Monday over racial remarks the senator made about Barack Obama during the 2008 presidential campaign.

Holder told The Associated Press that Reid is a good man, and as Holder put it: “I don’t think that there is a prejudiced bone in his body.

Harry Reid's "prejudiced" shin bone

However, Professor E.F. Stuckley a prominent race-ologist at Liberty College disagrees.
“I’ve seen this Harry Reid, this so called progressive and I’ve seen his x-rays and I can say without a shadow of a doubt that Mr. Reids left shin bone is extremely prejudiced. So Attorney General Holder is wrong, w-r-o-n-g wrong. ” Professor Stuckley produced an x-ray of the offending shin bone and continued, “I ran the tests myself and I am one hundred percent certain that his shin bone, his left shin bone is prejudiced. As prejudiced as George Wallace’s (left shin bone) was.” Professor Stuckley is scheduled to appear on the Glenn Beck show later in the week.

Book Nook, January 2010

Twinkle Twinkle Little Death Star
-a Chamba Fett mystery-
By Kevin Mitchell ($19.95, Spacely Press)

In the field of Star Wars speculative fiction, Kevin Mitchell’s Chamba Fett mystery’s are an anomaly. These detective novels based in the Star Wars universe have more to do with Raymond Chandler than they do Darth Vader. The other major Star Wars mystery series was of course John Stearns Tales From Palpatine’s Cat but those stories were very different, more of a futuristic Indiana Jones type thing, Mitchell’s stories have more of a noir-ish feel. The Chamba Fett series features Lieutenant Chamba Fett an officer in the Imperial Navy and cousin of infamous bounty hunter Boba Fett. Chamba’s two fisted approach to solving crimes were introduced in 2004’s Jedi Hide, Jedi Seek, and Twinkle Twinkle Little Death Star is the fourth in the series ( the other two titles are; Grebo’s Tauntaun Gambit and Tatooine Shakedown). The plot involves a murdered courier who had plans to the new Death Star as well as ties to an Ewok prostitution ring. It’s a fast paced and exciting read that will appeal to both Star Wars fans and futuristic space crime novel affectionados alike.

(available through Amazon.com)

this is cool

It’s Elvis’ 75th birthday and here’s a lot of Elvis book covers from John Gall’s Spine Out


or see the blogroll at the bottom of the page

Around Red Bank

Precision Marble and Granite took over a building that used to be an office supply business*. That was over five years ago and they still have the giant pencil on their sign, you’d think by this time they’d either A) take it off the sign or B) paint it silver and try to make it look like some sort of stone chisel.  Maybe it’s part of their ad campaign, “Precision Marble and Granite, the place with the giant unexplained pencil”

*it was either an office supply store or from the looks of the pencil, a giant comical prop store.

Tavern On The Green closing, not bad news for all.

A&P News Service 1/3/10
Richie Ashburn

The closing of the famous Central Park eatery Tavern On The Green on December 31st, 2009 was a sad moment for New Yorkers. This iconic restaurant which was a favorite of screen star Grace Kelly as well as John Lennon of the Beatles was a New York jewel for over seventy five years. Yet the closing isn’t bad news for everyone. Meet Theodore “Red” Skair owner and operator of Tavern On The Groin, a midtown gentleman’s club. “Yeah, well those jerks over at Tavern On The Green kept on us with an army of lawyers because of our name. We’re a high class place, we’re not some clip joint. We have top flight entertainment, exciting lunch special, and the hottest women allowable by law. Those bastards over at Tavern On the Green thought they had us beat, well look who’s standin’  Tavern On The Groin, that’s who. Be sure to visit our Diamond Pole Room.”

I Hate Me, Part 237,991

I have been accused on more than one occasion of being easily enraged and while I don’t see it, I will admit that my slightly annoyed voice could be construed as enraged.
I went to work on Wednesday and with a holiday shortened week we were supposed to be paid a day early. The paycheck company screwed up and the date on the check was wrong, so the correct checks weren’t coming in until Thursday which was our regular payday. This isn’t really a big deal at all but I think Chris (the other manager) thought that I was going to “freak out” so he tried to handle the news with kid gloves, but it kind of backfired:

CHRIS-Look, there’s a little problem with the checks but it’ll be alright, they put the wrong date on them, Jack’ll cash your check if you need it today, you’ll just sign over the new check tomorrow.

ME-Oh, that sucks, those assholes are…assholes.

Now at this point I wasn’t freaking out, I was resigned to the fact that our payroll people fucked up. Chris heard this as me “freaking out” and tried to calm me down.

CHRIS-Look! Don’t worry! Jack’ll cash your check, You’ll get your money! It’ll be ok!

ME-Yeah, I know it’ll be ok. I was just saying the payroll company was fucked.

At this point I was annoyed, not because of the pay check but because Chris was acting like I was some raving madman and he was frantically trying to calm me down.

CHRIS-Calm down! You’ll get your money! It’ll be ok! Don’t worry!

ME-I know, I know it’ll be ok! Stop freaking out! All I was saying was that the payroll people were dicks, Calm down!

CHRIS-I’m not freaking out, you’re freaking out!

By this time I was freaking out. So I took a deep breath, went out got a cup of coffee and went back to work as if nothing happened.


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