Hurt Locker Promotion Canceled

(A&P Press, reported by Bruce Boisclair)

A promotional movie tie-in between Oscar nominated movie The Hurt Locker and Footlocker shoe stores has been canceled after only one week. The reason for the cancelation was due to multiple complaints from customers. The promotion called “Footlocker Explosion of Savings” had ten Footlocker stores in the tri-state area transformed into warzones depicted in the movie. The transformation even extended to the Footlocker staff wearing black and white striped ghutras (head scarfs). Placed in this transformed warzone/shoestore environment were camouflaged “Savings Bombs”. When accidently tripped, these “Savings Bombs” would simulate an explosion (using smoke, flashing lights and noise) and the “victim” would receive $200. in Footlocker gift certificates. It is reported that at the stores featured in this promotion many customers were frightened and disoriented, in several cases the police were called. Footlocker has suspended the promotion without issuing a statement.
This is the not the first promotional misstep for The Hurt Locker. In January it was revealed that plans for an animated children’s version of the movie entitled “The Smurf Locker” had been put on hold indefinitely.


John McBain, one of the funniest people I’ve ever met and an amazing guitarist (have you ever heard the term “I would listen to that person sing the phone book” well I would listen to John play the phone book. Yes I know that makes no sense, yet it is true.) Well, he has his own blog-thing   it’s still in it’s nascent form but well worth checking out. I have not been paid for this endorsement

I Hate Me, Part 379,003

Foodtown:further adventures at

The threat of a snowstorm always pack grocery stores. So last night after the warning of yet another storm, Foodtown wasn’t my personal store as it usually is at night. It was overrun with the “stock up for the storm” crowd. I got my stuff; sliced roast beef, ham and chicken from the deli department a package of sandwich wraps and a couple of Lean Cuisine frozen dinners for my wife. I got on the 10 items or less line, there were a couple of people in front of me but it was moving. A friend of mines wife was on line and we had a “I’m sick of this goddamned snow” conversation. Then it was my turn, the kid starts ringing me up and he gets to the end and he’s holding the deli bag of sliced chicken and he’s looking at me…
Kid – What’s this?

Me – ..chicken…

Kid – There’s no price sticker on it

Me – ..ok… well, it’s a half pound of Boars Head Rotisserie Chicken

Kid – There’s no sticker on it

[ The line is starting to get longer, there are now four people behind me and I’m looking around for the price sticker. I figured it somehow wound up on me, “Hey, you cost $4.99, haw haw”, it didn’t. The kid is looking at me all slackjawed, and I give him a “C’mon buddy, do something” look]

Kid – I guess I’ll get it reweighed

[ So instead of calling someone from the managers desk or the deli, the kid takes off with my chicken, leaving the register unattended. there are now about seven people behind me and no one’s happy. I’ve been at the ass end of these lines and I’d always curse the poor bastard who was holding up the line. It was also close to closing time and the only other register had a line of people buying enough food for a small army. I’m dying a thousand deaths. The kid comes back, without the chicken. ]

Kid – Yeah, they’ll weigh it.

Me – I thought that’s what you were doing

Kid – No, I just brought it to them

[ I looked up at the register screen and I see that the chicken had already been rung up]

Me – Hey man, that chicken already got rung up

Kid – Really?

Me – Yeah, look at the screen; chicken, roast beef, ham

[ the kid rescans the roast beef]

Me – You just rang that up a second time

Kid – Oh…yeah

[ he rescans a Lean Cuisine (chicken in peanut sauce)]

Me – You just rang that up a second time as well

Kid – Well there are two Lean Cuisine’s

[ Now I’m completely frustrated, the line is up to about ten people and I’m arguing with this kid about Lean Cuisines. I might as well be arguing about tampon prices or extra small condoms. There’s a palpable hate vibe coming from the end of the line. Finally the kid finds out what happened, the chicken sticker came off and got stuck on one of the Lean Cuisines (Chicken ala Shame). This nightmare is about over , my reweighed chicken came back and because my body runs on humiliation, I apologize to the line.  I’m thinking “Hey checkout kid, you can join in the apology as well, your ineptitude didn’t help things.” Of course he didn’t, and I slunk off into the night.]

responding to comments:

There’s a been a bunch of comments the last couple of days, I will briefly respond:  John McBain-I switched out all the cd’s and records at Jacks with pork roll but I didn’t really get too many good stories, maybe I should try crackers. Chris Burns-Thanks for the memoir name suggestion, “How Keen was my Burgbut I think I’m gonna go with Girthquake!: The Tim Cronin Story!!. Roman–  I like the idea of Peabo Bryson more than the man or his music. Art Buchwald & Morty Lambstershank-I like Usually Shabby as a band name, I had a dream recently that I was in a band called Goon Schooner. Kim-That guy you’ve seen pedaling around was an actor playing the Travelocity Gnome for a live action webcast.   I think that wraps it up. Goodnight.

I Like Records 28

Phone call (KEY: #-Phone Caller, +-me)

+ “hello, can I help you”

# “ya know that song, Us Us Us Us Us and…”

+ “yeah, It’s Pink Floyd, Us and Them”

(continuing as if they weren’t listening)

# “…Them Them Them Them Them. Who sings that?”

+ “Pink Floyd”

# “Really? How much is that record worth?”

+ “ I don’t know, Dark Side of The Moon in good shape, you might be able to get a few bucks for it somewhere.”

# “Really? I heard it was worth a thousand dollars.”

+ “Not here it ain’t”

# ….Click…

Around Red Bank

What if the shoe doesn't fit, can I still park here?

A brief reminiscence

When I was a kid growing up around Keansburg, the only adults I ever remember riding bikes were people who had their licenses pulled for drunk driving. These guys made an art of it. For the most part they all kind of appeared the same, like they belonged to some drunk biking club. They looked like hell and were usually shoeless, riding beat up ten speed bikes with the sharp metal pedals and riding with no hands because they were carrying two six packs. They would ride really fast and steer by nudging the handle bars with their knees. It was pretty fucking amazing


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