Archive for the ‘ Uncategorized ’ Category
[Note: I didn’t have any time to write anything this weekend, but here’s something I did from 2 years ago that I don’t hate]
TOKYO (A&P) — Look out Hideki Matsui and Daisuke Matsuzaka . A pair of baseball-playing super robots (or Base-Bots) that can pitch and hit with amazing results have been developed in Japan. The pitching robot, nicknamed ”Rodan” has a three-fingered hand, can throw 95% of its pitches in the strike zone and won’t need any relief from the bullpen. The batting robot, nicknamed ”Gamera” has a sensor to determine if pitches are strikes or balls, hits balls in the strike zone 100% of the time and doesn’t swing at pitches outside the strike zone. The two robots were created by University of Tokyo professor Kawabata Makoto. ”The level of the robotics technology of each robot is extremely high,” Makoto said. “What was difficult was to create a mechanism to satisfy such a high level of roboticness.” However the robot ballplayers are not without their own unique problems. ”Rodan” was recently arrested in Tokyo’s so called robot town district for an altercation with a robot prostitute or (Ho-Bot), while “Gamera” created tabloid headlines when he disrupted this years robot awards (the Robies) by appearing drunk on robo-saki (aka: high grade machine oil). Still the sky does seem to be the limit for these talented Base-Bots. The future of baseball? It does compute.
Regular customer, bit of an eccentric but a nice guy, looks a bit like Vince (Charlie Brown Christmas music) Guaraldi, usually asks for things that don’t exist or are impossible to find:
Guy-Do you guys carry old movies? The guy upfront says you look up titles
Guy-I’m looking for an old movie…a very old movie…it’s from the 30’s…so old I’ve never seen it on TV…The Paulson Sequence
Me-Paulson Sequence… is that P-A-U-L-S-O-N?
(I looked it up and found nothing)
Me-Sorry, I’m not finding anything. Could Paulson be spelled differently?
Guy-No it’s “Postal”
Me-But I just spelled it out for you P-A-U-L-S-O-N and you said it was right.
Guy-I thought you were spelling it the new way
Me-There’s a new way to spell “postal”?
Guy-I thought there might have been
(it ended up being “Postal Service” and we didn’t have it)
There’s not much to this one but here it is. I went to visit a friend of mine, Mike who opened up a new tattoo shop. It’s called Black Panther Tattoo, which I think is a great name (The image I have for a logo was the two athletes at the ’68 Olympics raising their fists, but they have panther heads. You’re welcome), my wife thought Ninja Tiger* would be a better name, but I digress. Black Panther Tattoo is in Brick which is close to where I live but just far enough away that it’s out of my comfort zone. A lot of medium sized highways that criss-cross, and a bunch of retirement villages make Brick hard to navigate. So I used my GPS** and I got there fine. When I got there, I threw the GPS in the glove box and hung out at the shop for awhile. When I was driving home, I was listening to a Zeppelin mix pretty loudly in the car, when Gallows Pole came on (the beginning of which is pretty quiet)I heard a woman speaking in a slight English monotone, not enough where I could make it what was being said but enough where it was annoying. It sounded like a BBC newscaster was on at the same time, Of course I thought that either my I-pod was fucked or there was some bleed through from the radio (I sometimes listen to NPR and they have BBC reports) and of course I was instantly enraged, “Fuckin’ shit stereo, this is all I fucking need, Aaaaurgh!” It took me about five minutes of rage to realize that I never shut off the GPS and it sounded like I had a tiny proper englishwoman held hostage in my glovebox. It’s pretty amazing how goddamned stupid I can be.
*her idea for the Ninja Tiger logo is a tiger done up all ninja-ey with a “Ninja Tiger” tattoo on it’s arm or paw or shank or whatever it’s called.
**I have the GPS voice set to “Englishwoman”, to add a little class.