Archive for the ‘ Red Bank ’ Category

Around Red Bank

What if the shoe doesn't fit, can I still park here?

Around Red Bank

a farewell to Outlet

Could they have put maybe a little more effort into naming this place. “Outlet”? That’s just one step above calling a place “Store (we sell things)”. Outlet was a store that just appeared one day, already with going out of business signs in the window. So maybe I’m wrong and they’re not going out of business, maybe they’ll be a fixture of Red Bank’s downtown for years to come. It’s hard to tell, or care.

Around Red Bank

Precision Marble and Granite took over a building that used to be an office supply business*. That was over five years ago and they still have the giant pencil on their sign, you’d think by this time they’d either A) take it off the sign or B) paint it silver and try to make it look like some sort of stone chisel.  Maybe it’s part of their ad campaign, “Precision Marble and Granite, the place with the giant unexplained pencil”

*it was either an office supply store or from the looks of the pencil, a giant comical prop store.

Red Bank welcomes it’s newest retailer


the Snappy Sultan

the Pasha Supreme

Turban Outfitters, America’s leading high fashion turban and accessory boutique opens it’s newest store in downtown Red Bank. Be there for the opening week celebrations which include sales on their leading turbans; the Snappy Sultan and the Pasha Supreme. A fun time will be had by most.

The Coffee Shops of Red Bank

I received a couple of responses to “Coffee Test” (I Hate Me,Pt, 300,002 11/2/09) from two New Jersey expatriates. Miss Klutch asked if No Joe’s was still in business and the answer is a resounding “I think so”. John McBain asked if Mein Cup was still in business and went on to complain about their burnt beans (not to be confused with Burts Beans, coffee flavored lip balm). I’m sorry to report that Mein Cup is out of business but a couple of people who worked there just opened up Chairman Meow’s Little Red Cup, a kitten and communism themed coffee shop. Other recent coffee shops in the greater Red Bank area include; Jitter Gulch, The Caf-Fiend, The Gab and Spill, and The Topless Cup, which is more of a strip club that serves coffee. Also Turn Your Head and Coffee just opened up in the hospital and scheduled to open soon in the mini mall is the science fiction themed Bean me up, Scotty. There are also 27 Dunkin’ Donuts in a 3 mile radius of Red Bank

Around Red Bank

crab1crab2This misspelled rowboat has been advertising boats for “Crabing” for as long as I can remember. Recently I noticed that someone added a second “B” that’s a stick on letter and barely readable from the road. I wonder was it a spelling obsessed prank or the owners were too lazy to repaint the boat and just said “here’s your goddamn B”. I think it makes a great thing even better.

Red Bank, leading the way

Always ahead of the curve, Red Bank (AKA: the little town that could, but chose not to) has become the first municipality in the nation to enact anti-Nickelback legislation. Mayor Pat (Pasquale) Menna sez “It’s about time somebody stood up to these louts.”   Nickelback could not be reached for comment.  In a related story Middletown (AKA: the town in the middle) has canceled their third annual “Hooray for Three Doors Down” sale-abration. No explanation was