Archive for October, 2019

I Hate Me, part 876,882

I love going to the diner, it’s not specifically a Jersey thing but I’ve seen more proper diners here than anywhere else. It was one of the first places where as a teenager I was taken seriously as a customer. I’d go in by myself with a couple of comic books order a burger and a coke and I was treated like any other adult customer. I don’t go a lot anymore but it’s always a treat when I do. The two main ones by me are The Americana, which has a bunch of small sun bleached baseball statues by the entrance which answers the question “what would Mickey Mantle look like as an albino?” and The All Seasons which used to be called The Four Seasons (I figured they got some inside information that a fifth season was going to be added so they wanted beat the rush on a name change). I used to go here kind of a lot and occasionally ordered a Vanilla Coke. A waitress there who I’m sure was just treating me like a regular (here’s the Vanilla Coke guy) brought one every time I went in. Most times I just wanted water or coffee but I always got a Vanilla Coke. So instead of telling her I didn’t want one, I just stopped going there. Yesterday I went to the Americana, it was crowded, got a table, ordered (cheeseburger, fries, coffee). The waitress was an older woman, fast with the enthusiastic practiced banter, a real pro. When she brought my food:

Here you go, honey, enjoy

I will, try and stop me!

Now, I was trying to match her enthusiasm but my enthusiastic response was a bit over the top and I sounded like a psycho. She just kind of looked at me and I realized that I had possibly overstepped the social contract between server and customer, I stammered a “it looks great” but the damage was done. She did come by to refill my coffee and leave the check, with a subdued “I’ll just leave this here”. Yes, I over tipped.