I Hate Me, part 799,035

Saturday before work, running a little late, went to get a quick cup of coffee. The line at Starbucks was short but they had a slow crew on, very friendly and competent but glacial. The first customer had three coffees and wanted to pay for them in three different ways, “see, if there’s any money left on this” was said about five times as various gift cards were proffered. The guy before me was an amiable old guy who had a rusty gate voice and acted like he wasn’t even sure why he was there.

Hmmmmmmm…..what’s good today?…..hmmmm (vaguely pointing at one of the breakfast sandwiches)…gluten?

Which item sir?

He ignored her and pointed at something else

Hmmmm…how about that one

I’m sorry, which item?

Ohhhh…it doesn’t matter…I want two of them…and uh…what’s that (again vaguely pointing at the left side of the case)…is that good?…no no not that one..no…next to that one…is that good?…hmmm…I’ll take one….gluten?….oh it doesn’t matter… two small coffees…how small are your smalls? (He was shown the small or “tall” in Starbucks speak)..ohnonono that’s too small…do you have a larger small?….never mind I’ll take two mediums

The whole thing only took about a minute and a half but felt like an hour


Do you have a larger small?

    • Spank
    • April 28th, 2017

    I was in the back of a long line for bagels once, the first customer was told “buy 12, get 13, a bakers dozen”, so she’s like gimme 2 blueberry, one garlic, three plain … no wait, only two plain and three garlic, no make it two garlic …. how many do I have now? I said out loud (because I didn’t care who heard me & I was in that gimme a Snickers like hungry mode) “no wonder this line is so long” and everybody looked back at me and they all had smiles on their faces, except for the first customer, who kept looking at bagels with a “I don’t have a clue what I’m ordering here” look.

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