I Hate Me, part 581,661
How I got coffee on my ear and shoulder
I was at Whole Foods this morning to grab a soup for lunch. While I was there I saw a customer from work who is a longwinded self aggrandizing blowhard. I was trying to avoid him like the plague and was doing a pretty good job until I got to the check out counter. There’s nowhere to hide at the check out, just hope the person you want to avoid isn’t checking out at the same time. So far, so good. I paid for my stuff grabbed my coffee (.25 coffee all month!). Right by the exit is the help counter, the guy was there boring the staff to death with self righteous tales of laziness and expensive stereo gear (his two favorite subjects). Both of my hands were full, my left with the bag of food and my right with a coffee. My usual move here would be the fake phone call, so as I was passing the help counter (on my left) I held the coffee up to my right ear. In my mind this brief passing by would just look like I was holding something small and somewhat phone sized and for all intents and purposes I was on the phone. The guy didn’t even notice me but then somebody came in through the exit door and startled me enough to spill a small amount of coffee on my ear and shirt and get a strange look.