I hate me, part 563,539

I’m laid up for a couple of weeks because I had an operation on my foot for hammer toe. When I went to the doctor for a diagnoses and he told me I had “hammer toe” I responded in my best MC Hammer voice, “Hammer Toe!”. My doctor is a serious looking guy, like a guy who would play a doctor on a T.V. show and his response was a wan smile due to A) since the early 90’s I’m sure he’s heard that a million times when he diagnoses it , B) it’s not funny and C) my emphatic MC Hammer impersonation probably sounded vaguely racist. The procedure was a success (so good that I ended up with an extra toe! Now I have six on my right foot) and after, as they were preparing me to rejoin society, I was offered crutches or a walker. A walker seemed a little much so I went for the crutches. Not a great idea as I consider crutches and chopsticks distant relatives and I’m pretty terrible with chopsticks. So there’s been a lot of laying around interspersed with death defying feats of tottering around on crutches. Also, my wife is a goddamned saint, by all rights she should have smothered me in my sleep like the Chief did to Jack Nicholson in Cuckoo’s Nest.

  My newest fashion accessory, the shoe hat. Please check out my kickstarter page.

    • Spank
    • May 23rd, 2015

    So, you’re doing what you normally do when not working …… sitting on your ass and watching the boob tube.

    Get well soon Hopalong Assidy.

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