I Hate Me part 523,981

[Two for Tuesday]

1)

It was a busy day at work but not busy in normal way. A lot of questions were just partial ones, like I was on a gameshow:
Willieeeee?
…uhhhh…Nelson?
Yes!…I’m sure you know the one I want…..
greatest hits?
no nono…the good one…
DING! DING! DING! DING!, Congratulations! you have won the chance to help a customer who only has a vague idea what they’re looking for!
Red Headed Stranger, that’s a good one.
…ummm no…
well, he does have a lot of albums. Can you remember a song…maybe it was Whiskey River?
noooooo…………ummmmmm………….it’s Ring of Fire
That’s Johnny Cash
hmmmmm…..that doesn’t sound right……
Well, that’s all I got.
[heavy sigh]…ok…lemme check to see if that’s ok…
He left the store having an animated conversation on his phone.

2)

Then there was a couple who were selling a mandolin but they didn’t tell me what it was to start with
I got something I wanna sell.
Ok, what ya got. Cd’s, Albums instruments?
Lemme show ya
Takes out a giant I-phone, starts poking at it
where are those pictures?
(wife) they’re on there.
If you’re selling an instrument, I can get you the right person to talk to
Hold on, hold on lemme show ya…goddamn it where are those pictures
I don’t know anything about instruments. I’ll get you the right guy to talk to
Hold on…here.
shows me a blurry photo of a top of a headstock with some writing
Nice…what is it?
Hold on…look
Shows more of the headstock and part of the neck, it’s a mandolin
Very nice…I know nothing about mandolin’s. Let me get you the right guy.
wait…wait…here
Another picture, it’s like a slow reveal striptease of this guys mandolin.
Like I said, let me get you the right guy for buying this.
Oh, I don’t want to sell it
But you said you wanted to sell it
Oh, but not now. I just wanted to show you.
Oh…thanks
It’s a nice one isn’t it
…yeah

not that kind of mandolin

not that kind of mandolin

 

  1. “I know nothing about mandolins” !!! Dude, there’s yer book title. By the way,your ear for dialogue is something else. Beautifully wrought little journeys into the random heart of the incongruous. Great Stuff! .

    • junkdrawer3
    • April 28th, 2015

    junkdrawer2 is an easily amused ninny. Those stories were garbage, I want my money back.

    • Mike Baker
    • April 28th, 2015

    It’s a wonder you still have any hair left. You need to get out on the road again. Get away from all the crazies that show up in your life. Well at the record store anyways.

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