I Hate Me, part 413,900
(prologue, foreshadowing) I have a annoying/great air horn app on my phone, it’s great for interrupting people (you’ve gone on too long, “MAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!”) and just generally being annoying.
I was grabbing lunch at Whole Foods (Mac & Cheese: each piece of macaroni was hand crafted on a tiny macaroni lathe and the cheese was sourced at a dairy farm partially owned by the cows) and was eating at one of the tables in the store. I had finished and went to throw out my garbage. I’m somewhat lazy when it comes to recycling. There wasn’t any cans or bottles in my trash but I know if I did a little more research on the all the materials that made up the trash I would’ve/should’ve separated them better. There was a couple of middle aged hipster types (high maintenance facial hair, nerd glasses) chatting right by the garbage. I had my phone out while I was eating and had it in my hand as I was mashing everything into the general garbage can. I don’t know how it happened but I hit the air horn app and dropped the phone with the garbage into the can at the same time. MAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!. The people who were chatting shot me a look, “uurhh… heh…must be a recycling…or garbage alarm”. Dead eye look, building into annoyed glare, back to chatting. I pulled out the can and fished out my phone. I wanted to slink out but since I just stuck my hand in garbage I went and washed my hands and cleaned my phone and then slunk out.