Archive for October, 2014

Fleetwood Sports Record Album Catalog 1974

Fleetwood Records put out a bunch of sports highlights records, here is their 1974 catalog [click on image to enlarge]
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I Hate Me, Part 477,198

 

I was coming back from getting a coffee and I saw a crazy woman who doubles as a crazy customer who doesn’t buy anything but asks rhetorical questions regarding how her boyfriend could cheat on her. Not in a “How could he do this to me?” type of way but in a logistical “How could he do this to me…when I was watching him like a hawk?” way. So I gave her a wide berth and got to the back counter unscathed where I was greeted by a large sad old man.
“Do You have 70’s music…the fabulous 70’s music?”
“mmm Is that the name of the album you’re looking for?”
“No, it was fabulous”
I start walking him over to the compilation section
“are you looking for that old collection called Fabulous 70’s…because that’s out of print”
“no…no it was the music that was fabulous and it was from the 70’s.”
“yeah…fabulous…can you think of any song or artist that you were thinking of?”
“No…it was on the radio and it was fast”
“ahhhyeahh..the 70’s was quite a chunk of time…and there was a lot of music made during that time…
-blank stare-
“…a LOT of music….so…rock music?…dance music?…”
“it was fast”
“fast?…fast songs from the 70’s”
“Yeah…I don’t want no ballads”
“…urrhhhhuhhh…ok… was it fast and heavy like…uh…Led Zeppelin…or fast like the Ramones…?”
-blank stare-
look man…you’re givin’ me nothin’ here… ya gotta work with me a little bit”
“it was just fast, you have anything like that?”
“not really, here’s all our 70’s comps”
Heavy sigh “…ok”

not fabulous enough

not fabulous enough

 

I Hate Me, part 413,900

 

(prologue, foreshadowing) I have a annoying/great air horn app on my phone, it’s great for interrupting people (you’ve gone on too long, “MAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!”) and just generally being annoying.

I was grabbing lunch at Whole Foods (Mac & Cheese: each piece of macaroni was hand crafted on a tiny macaroni lathe and the cheese was sourced at a dairy farm partially owned by the cows) and was eating at one of the tables in the store. I had finished and went to throw out my garbage. I’m somewhat lazy when it comes to recycling. There wasn’t any cans or bottles in my trash but I know if I did a little more research on the all the materials that made up the trash I would’ve/should’ve separated them better. There was a couple of middle aged hipster types (high maintenance facial hair, nerd glasses) chatting right by the garbage. I had my phone out while I was eating and had it in my hand as I was mashing everything into the general garbage can. I don’t know how it happened but I hit the air horn app and dropped the phone with the garbage into the can at the same time. MAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!. The people who were chatting shot me a look, “uurhh… heh…must be a recycling…or garbage alarm”. Dead eye look, building into annoyed glare, back to chatting. I pulled out the can and fished out my phone. I wanted to slink out but since I just stuck my hand in garbage I went and washed my hands and cleaned my phone and then slunk out.

now in convenient phone version

now in convenient phone version

I Hate Me, part 466,827

Older guy steams in, very animated but seemingly normal. His socks, the color of a traffic cone should have been a tip off.
“I got a tape sitting up front for me that I ordered but I got a question, there’s a song called Black Butterfly by Deniece Williams, do you have it…she’s black”
“…let me check”
As I’m looking up to see what album it’s on and it’s availability, he lets out a deep satisfied sigh and slaps his belly
“yeahhpp, I got all the good tapes…all kinds of music…I even got Springsteen…I knew him when he used to play on the rocks in Long Branch and nobody cared…now look at him…he’s famous…”
“Sorry but we don’t have any Deniece Williams in stock, that song is on a greatest hits cd that I can order in for you”
“Ok fine…so you’ll order that tape for me it for me?”
“yup, it’s a cd not a tape, I just need your name and number”
which he proceded to do
“Ok.. that should be about a week, we’ll give you a call”
“Fine, now can you show me where her tapes..uh cd’s are, I wanna see if it’s on anything else”
“……..I’m sorry, maybe you misunderstood me…we don’t have any Deniece Williams cd’s in stock…none in the store…nothing by her at all…”
dead look
“just show me where her section is…I wanna check.”
“well…like I’ve been saying we don’t have any…if we had it, I would sell it to you because that would be easier for both of us… I wouldn’t have to order it”
dead look
“but where do you file it”
“W soul, over there”
two minutes later
“yeah, you don’t have it”
“…really?, that’s surprising”
“sooooooo….you’ll order it?
I nodded yes, then went into the stock room and screamed into my arm

should have been a tip off

should have been a tip off

Album Inserts: Mostly Bee Gees edition

A few more inserts found in trashed LP’s at work, most of these are Bee Gees related [click on image to enlarge]
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