I Hate Me, part 461,990
[upon reading this, it’s pretty goddamned slight]
I had to go to the A&P to pick up dog food that I had forgotten to get when I went to Foodtown earlier in the day, I just couldn’t take going back to Foodtown. As I have have written in the past, this A&P has slow doors and at night they lock one entrance. When I got there both entrances were open which was a minor victory. Our dog Lucy (aka: Ma Barker or Lil’ Shitpaw) eats Mighty Dog but there is one style that turns her into a tiny shit cannon. I always forget what kind; Sea Bass with Lime Cilantro, Sirloin Mango Chutney, or Umami Chicken Stew. So I called Carrie on her cel to find out which one was on the no fly list. Went right to message, this usually turns into a tennis match of unanswered returned phone calls. I figured I’d get one of each and the wrong one we could give to somebody who has a dog that likes to shit a lot. I got a call back from Carrie, terrible connection, too much hang time, talking over each other. Before we both hung up in disgust I made out one word, blueberries. So I got the blueberries and headed to the check out. It was late so the only guy working the register was also stocking the shelves, so they want you to use the self checkout. I didn’t have my savings card and there was like 15cents off of each can of dogfood, so I had to get the guy, who was not happy. He rung me up, I saved my 90 cents. Unbeknownst to me the entrance I had used earlier had been locked. I didn’t know this and even walking slowly (compensating for the slow door), I still hit it with a thud. The register guy just looked at me and said “yeah, that’s locked”. Touche, register guy, touche.