I Hate Me, part 301,725

Why I’m washing my money

I went to Foodtown a couple of nights ago, paid with my bankcard and got $15 cash back. I didn’t realize it but the $5 and the $10 had what I think (hope) was a bit of gum on them. Really tiny but enough to have them stuck together. I didn’t find this out until I was on line at Starbucks on Saturday. ICK! they’re stuck together. I didn’t want to pay for the coffee with sticky money because I didn’t want to be known as the guy who paid with sticky money.
“you know that guy from Jacks, well he paid this morning with a five that was sticky.”
“Ewww…throw it out.”
“I did”
Then I was going to switch it out from the register at work but if the money is sticky, it might stick to other money in the drawer and we’d give out too much change and the drawer would be short and I’d be fired and then I’d have to live under a bridge somewhere like a troll. So that was out. So I figured, wash the money. I sprayed it with Windex my go to clean anything savior (from counter tops to small cuts and everything in between). It didn’t take off the gum, just spread it around a bit so it was actually more sticky. Fuck! so I went with hand sanitizer, because why not. I spread the bills out on the back counter drenched them in hand sanitizer and wiped them down with a paper towel, as I was doing this, Jack (the owner) walked by
Jack-What are you doing?
Me-Washing money (like it was the most obvious thing in the world)
Jack-(looked at me, at the money and back at me )……oh…
He started to say something thought better of it and walked away. The hand sanitizer didn’t work, so I just figured out the parts of the bills that were sticky and put clear tape over them. Another signpost on my descent into senility.
SO001360

 

  1. Never would have suspected you of money laundering. You usually have to have more than enough to begin with. See you in the spin cycle.

    • spank
    • September 9th, 2013

    Two words: WD-40 …… or is that two capitol letters, a hyphen-minus and two numbers …… either way, get yourself a little can because that shit will remove anything sticky and do it safely. Windex is perfect for cleaning up the WD-40 residue.

    WD-40 also has a good smell to it, but not that “lemme just sniff this magic marker while I’m writing something to catch a quick little buzz” type of smell ….. it’s like that freshly printed mimeographed test paper you used to get in grade school, where you couldn’t wait for the papers to be passed back to you so you could take a big whiff.

      • the artist formely known as Tiina
      • September 10th, 2013

      WD-40 also has a good smell to it, but not that “lemme just sniff this magic marker while I’m writing something to catch a quick little buzz” type of smell ….. it’s like that freshly printed mimeographed test paper you used to get in grade school, where you couldn’t wait for the papers to be passed back to you so you could take a big whiff.

      Spank, have I ever told you you’re a strage dude?

        • spank
        • September 10th, 2013

        I wish I could, un-screw my head, and put it on the shelf …… you know I’m feeling kinda:

    • the artist formely known as Tiina
    • September 10th, 2013

    Tim, you have the weirdest problems in the world.

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