I Hate Me, part 297,881

While I’m at work I am the recipient of many pointless stories concerning items that customers are looking for. (example) “yeah, do you have the new Alice In Chains, my uncle Ed turned me onto them…he saw them…it was the tour with uh…uh…uh I think it was Galactic Cowboys ‘member them…yeah and Soundgarden was great too…ya know they’re still around…I almost went to see them…I heard the Alice in Chains…the new one is really heavy…is it?…” I usually don’t have anything to say and I don’t want to be rude so I’ll give a patient smile while not actually looking at them and try to find what they’re looking for, quickly. So last week I went for a coffee at Starbucks and one of the barista’s told me about a sale on their instant Via coffee. Which was cool because they know that I buy that for Carrie. They also had a sale on their Keurig K-Cup coffee. Now we used to have a Keurig coffee machine before they had Starbucks but we switched to a Tassimo coffee machine because they did. Until we got the Tassimo, then with Laurel & Hardy like timing Starbucks stopped making coffee for Tassimo and switched to Keurig. I boiled that info down to the last two sentences and they were boring, I don’t know what made me think that it would make an interesting story to tell the Barista but I did. Now in my head I thought that story sounded as interesting as this: “Well, you know when the Duke and Duchess come around for coffee we want it to be correct, I remember when we had the Kennedy clan over. All of them, if you can believe it. Of course this was years ago and all we had was a french press and it wasn’t even from France hahahaha. So Mick…Jagger, Mick said when we’re on tour we use a Keurig, we’re just too busy to measure coffee, and Michael Jordan blahblahblah..”, stupid and wildly inaccurate but interesting. In real life my fascinating coffee machine story was, “ We had a Keurig but… they didn’t make Starbucks for it…then we got a Tassimo ‘cause they did…and then they stopped making it..” As I was stammering out my pointless coffee machine story I saw the barista give me a patient smile. I stopped talking, grabbed my coffee, over tipped (for penance) and left.

they didn't make it, then they did make it

they didn’t make it, then they did make it

  1. barista…..

    • the artist formely known as Tiina
    • June 20th, 2013

    I’m laughing like crazy!!! I’m rolling on the floor!!!

    • spank
    • June 20th, 2013

    “I saw the barista give me a patient smile. I stopped talking.”

    Just like Skynet, this is the moment you became self-aware ….. that you’re an annoying jerk-off customer just like everyone else.

    “Hey, you got that new Rick Wakeman album? Do you know why he wears a cape? You know, he did the glissando’s on “Bang A Gong”. I saw him at Foodtown yesterday, he was buying skim milk. Did you ever try that stuff? It tastes nasty”.

    ——————————————————————————————-
    P.S. You’re such a nice guy, the way you interacted with that woman who brought in that pile of useless records to sell, you were extremely polite and courteous towards her, it’s something you don’t see a lot of anymore …. you are a gentleman of the highest order.

      • the artist formely known as Tiina
      • June 20th, 2013

      Oh, Spank you’re lovely. No one ever says anything nice to anyone anmore. I’m touched. Seriously.

      Although I did have some spacecakes for breakfast, so that might have something to do with my current loving mood.

      Anyhooo, Tim is a great guy, for sure.

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