I Hate Me, part 387,121

It was morning, I got a late start. I had to go to Foodtown to grab some salad and yogurt. Their salad bar is usually pretty strong, especially early. Not today, the lettuce was mostly stumps (the end part of the Romaine that should be thrown out). Which meant that it was a slow moving process to get a stump free salad. As I was doing this, an old guy was sweeping up around the salad bar and in a rush to pick through the salad (with tongs!) a couple of stumps landed on the floor. I didn’t want to be a dick after the old guy just swept up so I went to pick them up as I was bending over to pick them up I knocked over the salad from the container I was filling up and now there was a lot of salad on the floor. The guy who works the sushi bar (which is right across from the salad bar, both located in Foodtown’s extensive “bar district”) was just staring at me with no expression while sharpening a knife. I gathered up all the salad that was on the floor and threw it out and started over. I finally got to the checkout, there was a very old couple in front of me who were arguing with the cashier about a sale. They were buying 10 or so bottles of Alberto VO5 shampoo. This is more shampoo than they would probably ever live to use. There was a limit of two, the cashier tried to explain and showed them the advertising circular
Cashier-Here’s the circular, it says limit two
Woman-I don’t see that
Cashier-right here
Woman-mmmmmmmmm, well how much is it without the discount
He tells her a price
Woman-NNNoooo…I’ll just take the two
He rings everything up and tells her how much she owes
Woman-I think I’ll take two more of those shampoos
The cashier does something and adds two more shampoos and gives her the adjusted total. Now it’s the husbands turn, the cashier tells him the amount, which also comes up in the credit card machine, where he’s supposed to swipe his card
Cashier-that will be $28.46
Cashier-no…it’s twenty..eight..forty..six
Guy-eighty what?
Cashier-No…it’s right here (points to the credit card machine) Twenty Eight dollars and Forty Six cents
Guy-…what about the rest of the shampoo?
Woman-We’re not getting them
Guy-Why not?
Woman-the sale was wrong
This went on for another thirty seconds which felt like thirty years and then he finally paid and I bought my salad

a different Foodtown

a different Foodtown

  1. You were at the wrong bar, brother. And with regard to VO5, it was a popular brand back in the sixties, and they also hawk a tube of greasy blue goop for grey hair. How did I know that?

    • the artist formely known as Tiina
    • May 2nd, 2013

    VO5 is great for cleaning carpets.

      • spank
      • May 3rd, 2013

      Yes, it is great for that purpose, and it also produces a fine, soft hair instead of the natural coarse and thick hair. Royalty was known for this practice, thus the formation of the non-technical term “royal c#nt hair” or “R.C.H.”, a description of measurement used by machinists to indicate how close their work came to tolerance, and, uh …….. uh, I don’t think you were talking about that kind of carpet, were you ……..

        • the artist formely known as Tiina
        • May 3rd, 2013

        What?? Whose carpet is thick and coarse?? Not mine, I can assure you, mister. And I know all about R.H.C., I am the Princess of Finland! So I don’t use VO5 to make the carpet soft, I use it to kill the lice.

    • galbacco
    • May 2nd, 2013

    There’s a moral here. Shave your head and eat sushi, sustainable of course…

  2. and at that point the rest of the romaine had rusted…foodtown salad in a “vo5 vinaigrette,” oy ve.

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