Archive for April, 2013

Many Extra Tales Sad (My Entire Team Sucks #10)

[a disjointed rant written after watching the Mets lose again]

Last nights fifteen inning pathetic excuse for a baseball game between the Mets and what’s left of the Marlins was one of the more painful games I’ve ever subjected myself to. Neither team wanted to win, yet both were too incompetent to lose in a timely fashion. There were more people left on base than were in the stands. Fucking brutal. To call the Mets offense anemic is at best charitable and at worst besmirching the word anemic. Matt Harvey was great to watch, even if it wasn’t a good outing for him. Blah, blah, blah, being a Mets fan is tough, boo hoo. Readers of this blog who don’t live in America have suggested I watch “Football” or Snooker or simply go fuck myself.

Much like the Mets themselves all MLB Club Cans with the Mets logo on them are flat

Much like the Mets themselves all MLB Club Cans with the Mets logo on them are flat

I LIKE RECORDS 78

here are two slight stories that add up to nothing

1)
[Record Store Day]
Phone Rings
“Hello, Jacks Music”
“……Yeeaahhh, is this the juice bar?”
“No, it’s a record store”
“…awwww..I REALLY wanted the juice bar”
“sorry”
“waitwaitwait…didja get the Phish* album in?”
I thought you wanted a juice bar”
“…Yeeeaaahh…I guess…but I REALLY want the Phish album”
“Well…the store in town that sold juice and records doesn’t sell records anymore and we don’t sell juice and we’re sold out of the Phish album.”
“…soooooo…do ya got the Phish record?”
“no”
“…annnnd no juice?”
“no”
“bummer 

*the Phish album Lawn Boy was a limited Record Store Day release

2)
A frantic guy came up to the back counter
“ya gotta find this cd for me”
He handed us a card that was written in Cyrillic, which I used to call “the Russian alphabet”. It’s not only a foreign language, it’s a foreign alphabet
“this is in cyrillic, do you have a translation?”
“can’t you type it in?”
“well, no it’s a different language with a different alphabet, don’t you know what it is?”
“no…so you can’t type it in”
“no..most of these letters don’t exist in english..what’s this letter, it looks like a lowercase b with a hat”
“but, I really want that cd”
“well..you’re gonna have to do some homework on it yourself”
“so……..you can’t do it?
“no”
And then I pretended I had a phone call.

Cyrillic Alphabet

Cyrillic Alphabet

Sunday Music 4/28/13

Lightning Beat-Man : I Said Yeah
Lightning Beat-Man or Reverend Beat-Man (depending on the release) is a Swiss guy who produces a shitload of super primitive Rock and Roll, most of it is great. This is from Apartment Wrestling Rock and Roll (Voodoo Rhythm Records)  [click on arrow below to listen]

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Reprint: the woes of Ike Davis

[This is a reprint from last year when Ike Davis had a terrible start to his year, much like the start he’s having this year]

 

A&P Press 6/11/12
by Eddie Yost

The New York Mets are vigorously denying reports concerning a grisly solution to first baseman Ike Davis’s hitting woes. Davis, in his third year was once one of the bright spots in the Mets organization but health issues and an anemic batting average (.167) are troubling.
The shocking rumors state that a ritualistic sacrifice of ex-Met hero and current SNY television announcer Keith Hernandez was considered. Furthermore, Hernandez’s skin was to be fashioned into an unholy uniform for Davis to wear. The hopes being that this would appease the fickle baseball Gods and turn Davis’s season around.
An anonymous source close to the situation said in part, “Yeah, they (the Mets) talked to Hernandez’s people about the sacrifice thing…you know make a big deal out of it, giant stone alter in center field, fire works.. a real event. Of course his (Hernandez’s) people were not into it, at all. Frankly they were appalled..bad scene…believe me, the Metsie’s are gonna need to mend a lot of fences there. But Christ, they gotta do something. Management would be happy if Davis was hitting as good as (Ed) Kranepool or even Tim Harkness.”

'nuff said

’nuff said

 

I Hate Me, Part, 308,882

After my nose debacle a few weeks ago  I Hate Me, part 293,341 (aka: Sometimes Satan is Green), I have been trying to keep better track of horrifying things lodged on my face (besides the actual face itself) with varying degrees of success. A few days ago I went for a cup of coffee after lunch. I had a salad and I usually brush my teeth after but both bathrooms were being used so I just ran out. I got kind of spooked about having a large piece of lettuce in my teeth. So I looked in the bank next door’s window, it’s reflective qualities were weak. Then it hit me, I’ll take a picture of my teeth with my phone* and look at it to see if there’s any salad hanging around.  I don’t have a smartphone. My phone would be cutting edge for 1995, it looks like an old communicator on Star Trek and I think the camera is half a pixel. So I was standing in front of the bank with my teeth bared, taking an extreme closeup of my teeth with my crummy phone. I looked up and there was an old couple staring at me. I looked at the picture of my teeth, found out that there was no salad stuck in them and smiled at the couple. They didn’t say anything, which of course made me uncomfortable and I wanted to explain that I wasn’t a crazy person. Unfortunately my explanations usually don’t help my case, “I uh…thought I had uh…something…salad…salad…some..a piece of salad…lettuce…some lettuce stuck in my teeth and there wasn’t any mirrors…or uh shiny glass to check…uh check my teeth..so…so I took a picture of them…my teeth..and uh…salad free teeth”. They didn’t say anything, and moved away quickly and I got my coffee, confidently with my salad free teeth.

*Yes, I know that phone self-portraits are referred to as “selfies”, which is a word that nobody my age should be saying.

my rotten phone

my rotten phone

Sunday Music 4/21/13

Tyvek-Frustration Rock
I know I’ve blathered about these guys in the past but I can’t emphasize enough how great they are. Reminiscent of The Fall, Swell Maps, and Wire (Yes! All of them!). Go out and buy all of their albums. This is from the 2011 singles collection Fast Metabolism [to listen, click on arrow thing below]

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Gorgo, the comic

I got a great gift a few days ago, Ditko Monsters, GORGO! (IDW publishing). The movie Gorgo (1961) was a Godzilla knock-off and bargin basement comic book publisher Charlton did a comic based on it. Steve Ditko (Spiderman) did the art and It’s some of my favorite work by him . The thing that stands out for me is that Gorgo and it’s mother only terrorize mankind when their sleep gets disturbed. That’s it, just sleep and who can’t empathize with that.
gorgo4gorgo 2gorgo5gorgo 1