I Hate Me, part 243,002

[note: this story is at best slender]
I had to go to the store after work. I ended up going to the A&P in Little Silver because the Foodtown didn’t have what I needed. A long time ago this A&P was great because it was open 24 hours and you could do weekly shopping with no one in the store except employees. Their prices were higher but I didn’t care because at one in the morning it was my personal supermarket. Dare I say, it was magical. Times have changed, now they close at 10pm and they have slow doors. I am not a fast man and their automatic doors are so slow that I’ve walked into them on several occasions, causing equal parts anger and embarrassment. They also lock one of the entrances near closing but they used to have a “please use other door” sign, not tonight. Clunk, walked right into it, slowly because I thought it was just slow not locked. Grrrrrr. Got what I had to buy and went to the checkout, they only had the self checkout open. I’m not a big self checkout fan, items don’t always read correctly and the self checkout watcher has to rouse themselves and come over and help but not before yelling out instructions “try scanning it againnnn”. If I was buying ass flavored Chex Mix then yes, I would appreciate the privacy of a self checkout but I’m not. I just want to get out of their quickly. There was a line of two people for the self checkout, I wasn’t paying attention and just stood there for a minute then I figured out that the two customers were talking to each other and the other self checkouts were open. Just as I realized this, “Hey, use those two” the self checkout matron yelled from her perch pointing to two open registers. So I started scanning my stuff and, “Hey, use that register”. Christ was I using the wrong register, fuck. I started gathering up my stuff to go to the other register, “No, not you…him”. Me, him, what? My mind was a bag of soft peanuts and I stopped caring. I finished, paid and walked into a slow door on my way out. Check and mate.

caution: slow doors(not actual A&P I went to)

caution: slow doors
(not actual A&P I went to)

    • Aaron Nieradka
    • March 7th, 2013

    Hahaha! I wistfully remember the 24 hour Grand Union in Middletown (now Stop & Shop). Me and Jenny would shop at 2am, the stock guys were smoking cigarettes and had boom boxes (think the kids call ’em ghettoblasters) playing death metal. We’d walk in and they’d say to us “ah the magazine people are here.” (due to our habit of magazine browsing for an hour.) Those Cosmic Shopping days were the best.

    • ChrisB.
    • March 7th, 2013

    When self check-out works, it’s great. When it doesn’t, it’s hell. Like when you’re singled out for an “audit,” (yes, you!) and the schlub has to go get the “special gun” to scan five random items in your cart to make sure you’re not loading up on steaks and paying for ramen. Then there’s the “total system failure,” where nothing works and you have to unload all your crap and have it re-done by a cashier. Grrrrr…

    • Tiina
    • March 7th, 2013

    I’m sure the A&P is still open 24 hours. Just not in a row.

    (Note: this comment is at best anorexic.)

    • spank
    • March 7th, 2013

    Ass flavored Chex Mix has been discontinued.

    I’ll give you my home made recipe ….. it tastes just as good, but you don’t walk right for days.

    • spank
    • March 8th, 2013

    “no one in the store except employees”

    So, that means that the guy who always seems to follow me around the store at 2 a.m. pretending to be shopping while wearing no boots or a coat even tho it’s freezin’ and snowing outside is really a store detective after all ??

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