I Hate Me, Pt. 199,044

When Carrie and I were first going out we took a weekend trip to Atlantic City. Neither of us are big gamblers but the room was cheap and it seemed like a nice getaway. The first night we decided to hit the casino. We had a little bit of money that we were going to gamble with, because you know, “when in Rome…piss away money”. I like roulette and we sat at a low limit table (I think you might have been able to bet loose change). Carrie was asking about the odds and betting, normal stuff and I was trying to explain and bet at the same time. I’m not good at betting and I’m not good at explaining the intricacies of betting and when I can’t think of a word sometimes I’ll curse not in an angry way (at least not at first) but more in a place keeping kind of way:
Carrie- Why did you put the chips on those four numbers instead of just one
Me- Well..it gives me…uh.. more of a…a..uh fuckin chance to win…if I..uh…split the..uh..fuckin..fuck..chips..bet. The bet..split the..uhfuck..uh fuckinbet… between four numbers instead of one
[I lost and I bet the remainder of the money]
Carrie-Oh…What about the odds on the red and the black
Me-It’s uh…fuck…fuck..a lot less odds…fuck…no…fuck..you win uhhhh..fuck..fuckin’ fuck.. you win less when you win…nonono…fuck…you win less when you bet the red or the fuckin…fuck..
[I lost ]
We left and got a drink which I managed to do successfully.

    • spank
    • March 1st, 2013

    Roulette is my favorite, I always play and never lose ….. except once. I managed to squeeze in at a $10 table in a casino that rhymes with “Dumps”, I’m getting my chips and also ordering a drink all while the wheel starts spinning. In a hurry, I put a chip on 13 black plus some corners, etc. (my favorite is 13, I always got something on 13). The steel ball is spinning, I’m arranging my chips, I’m settling in for a long run at the table, and BOOM …. 13 black comes up. Oh yeah baby, what a start, over $400 on my first bet. Well, I’m not getting paid and I go “Hey, what’s up? I had 13” and the dealer says “I’m sorry, sir, you had 10 black”. I’m going ‘what the fuck’ to myself and the woman next to me says “Yeah, he’s right, I had 10 black myself”. In my haste to get the bet in, I put it in the wrong spot (Hey, they’re both black, they both start with a 1, they’re right next to each other, and remember, I’m a moron).

    Lost over $300 that night, I should have walked away right after that bone-headed first bet move. I did not feel right that night after walking into that casino, and I think it was because of the piped in music …. there was something subliminal about it. I could hear underlying weird tones and I’m saying to the others with me “Do you hear that humming noise” and they all went “No, you’re crazy”. I swear that weasel on his head pretending to be his hair-do casino owner had some subliminal messaging going on under the music, the vibe in that room was weird and very distracting to me … I never felt strange like that in any casino before.

    Hey, it’s not like subliminal messaging isn’t going on out there, I ain’t that crazy and/or paranoid ….. “Let’s all go to the lobby, to get ourselves a treat”.

      • spank
      • March 4th, 2013

      I want to apologize to Tim and all his readers for hi-jacking his personal blog, it was not my original intent … the place for me to write things like this should be my own blog, and I’m sorry I “hushed his gig”, and it won’t happen again. Mike

    • Tiina
    • March 1st, 2013

    Do you have MOTHERFUCKINGSHITFUCKFUCKDICKINHORSESASS Tourette’s too? It’s such a drag. Fuckin fuck.

      • galbacco
      • March 1st, 2013

      Fuck Tina, you took the fuckin words of out my fuckin mouth…

        • Tiina
        • March 1st, 2013

        Sorry, Galby. (Fuck!)

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