I Hate Me, Part 277,010

My band had practice, we hadn’t gotten together in a while and I blew out my voice. After practice I had to go to Foodtown. I went to the deli counter, there was one customer ahead of me. As I said, my voice was shot and I cleared my throat as I was waiting. The guy working the counter is nice enough but a little high strung and he thought I was clearing my throat in a “Hey! Let’s go man.” type of way. “I’ll be with you in a second, sir”. I was trying not to talk so I just nodded. About thirty seconds later I had to clear my throat again, I tried to do it quietly but no luck and the guy looked over at me, before he said anything I tried to mime that my voice was shot but in retrospect it looked like I was pointing to my mouth and wanted to eat. Glare. “Yes sir, can I help you?” I tried to say “quarter pound of the house baked turkey.” but it sounded like someone was letting the air out of a balloon, I ended up just pointing to it and nodding yes when he said “quarter pound?” Eventually I had a full cart of food so I couldn’t go to the Express checkout and I was stuck in line behind a woman who must have been buying food for her entire town. A couple of checkouts away a girl looked like she was going to open another register but I couldn’t be sure, sometimes they just set the cash drawer up for the next day. So I kept looking over to see if the register would open. It hit me that constantly looking over at the register girl might look creepy so I tried not to look over as much. Of course when I was studiously not looking over, she opened up her register and another guy with a ton of groceries beat me there. I eventually got rung up.

    • Tiina
    • February 26th, 2013

    Your Foodtown stories make me wanna go shopping. Oh yeah, I feel a spree coming on. Let’s hope it’s not a killing one.

    You know, these crazy antics of yours remind me of Homer Simpson.

    Think about it.

  1. It had been a while since the last Foodtown debacle. I like how you italicized “Foodtown” here, almost like you were sounding the alarm for those of us who’ve been following these misadventures for a while. “Roll up your sleeves, kids! We’re goin’ to Foodtown.”

    (Hitting the “Post Comment” button now,, and hoping that your comment form allows HTML tags so I too can italicize “Foodtown”. Kinda like playin’ the home game!)

    • Tiina
    • February 26th, 2013

    One more thing: I love the idea of you pointing your mouth with your finger, like “Me go hungry. Food go here. Make it snappy.”

    You’re a hoot.

    • spank
    • February 27th, 2013

    “My band had practice, we hadn’t gotten together in a while and I blew out my voice”

    Oh man, I quickly read that first sentence, and I thought this was gonna be one of those “One time at band camp, I blew someone/something” kind of story.

    • galbacco
    • February 27th, 2013

    Maybe you should change the title from ‘Foodtown’ to ‘SurvivalQuest’ or ‘GroceryHumiliation’, it would be more apt…

  2. you have really painted a picture of the RB foodtown in my head, i can just hear that strange suspended train buzzing around above the check out aisles…jazz apples anyone? thanks, and keep em coming.

    • The evil twin
    • March 1st, 2013

    Maybe your wife should do the shopping. Cause she sounds like a normal person.

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