I Hate Me, part 106,551

I was late for work and ran into Starbucks for a coffee, it was a short but terrible line:
“What kind of vanilla syrup do you use?”, “How large is the tall, REALLY?”, “Do you know how many Starbucks are in Howell? I’m from there.” And one of the registers was out of commission, there was a person crouched on the floor behind the counter working on it. When it was my turn at bat the barista apologized for the delay, I cracked “You guys must be really short handed today, you have children working” indicating the guy behind the counter working on the register. It was an innocuous comment, just light small talk. There was nervous laughter from the barista and then the guy working on the register got up, glaring, and he was really short, not midget (or “little person”) sized but well under five feet tall. I’m sure he must have heard “child sized” all his adult life and now from a giant goon like myself. I stared at the ground, muttered some unintelligible bullshit, grabbed my coffee and over tipped.

    • Tiina
    • February 14th, 2013

    Tim you big galoot. Why do you go to Starbuck’s anyway?

    Although, I understand you. I usually have foot in mouth disease, too. A while ago I saw somebody I hadn’t seen in a long time, and she looked somewhat bigger than usually. So I congratulated her on her pregnancy. She wasn’t pregnant.

    Yeeesh. I’m retarded.

    • ChrisB.
    • February 14th, 2013

    You need a thermos.

      • spank
      • February 14th, 2013

      if Tim got a thermos, the only stories we’d hear is “The Mrs. yelled at me for spilling coffee while filling my thermos”, so I say no, let the hipster doofus get his high fa-lootin’ pretentious Starfuck’s that tastes no better than urinal cake runoff from Hot Carl’s Chili & Biker Bar and we get those great socially awkward tales from our lovable Tim.

        • Tiina
        • February 15th, 2013

        “If Tim got a thermos” would be an awesome title for the next Ribeye Brothers album.

        “let the hipster doofus get his high fa-lootin’ pretentious Starfuck’s that tastes no better than urinal cake runoff from Hot Carl’s Chili & Biker Bar”

        You’re a poet.

  1. Your story somehow reminds me of my Saturday..
    I decided to go the hairdresser (I have quite long hair and only go there when it really needs a cut..). The (long haired) girl who worked there was surprisingly nice and we did some small talk (good reasons for long hair and so on..). When she came back to wash off the conditioner I said ‘another good reason for not having your hair cut short is that a lot of women do that when they become older. They think they look younger but in my opinion it’s the first sign of really getting old. Especially combined with dyeing the hair with different flashy colours’.

    My comment was followed by a strange silence.

    I hardly dared to turn round. And when I finally did I saw that the woman washing off the conditioner was a different one – little bit older than me, with really short hair and purple fringes…

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