I Hate Me, part 208,992

I’ve been going to the gym for a while now. Not in any attempt to get a “Hero of the Beach” type physique but more of a blind panic of never being as heavy as I was (the only comforting thought about gaining all that weight back is I would probably drop dead, so at least I wouldn’t have to worry about it). When I go (zero to five times a week)I get up at 7am, throw on my formless grays, grumble pleasantries to my wife, grab my I-Pod and I’m off. I used to listen to music ( a workout favorite was The Coachwhips) but after awhile I switched to podcasts. I usually listen to Tom Scharpling’s Best Show on WFMU, it’s always interesting and funny and one podcast will last about three days at the gym. The gym has a social order that I really haven’t seen since high school and have been trying to avoid ever since. There’s a group of older guys who are a cross between a school clique and a coffee klatch. They look like a bunch of ex-teachers and civil servants and they hang out at a machine where one of them is working out and chat and glare at people who aren’t in their group. Now I know that I’m probably paranoid about this but I never had much luck with cliques. I’m not looking to make friends and it’s too early to really have a coherent conversation. There’s a couple of people I know as customers from work and we’ll say hi or give an acknowledgement nod. So I turn on my I-Pod and keep my head down.  A couple of weeks ago I was on this workout contraption and I was listening to the Best Show. Tom has this character, a puppet named Gary the Squirrel, who pops up from time to time and hassles people, it reminds me of a character who would be on the old Uncle Floyd Show (an old bare bones TV show, that was jersey-centric). I don’t know what it is but whenever I hear Gary, I laugh out loud. So Gary turned up on the podcast and  I started laughing and I looked up and there was a guy from the old boy network just staring (this guy reminds me of Red from the Tube Bar). I of course panicked and tried to explain myself “…it’s uh….Tom Scharpling….uh…the best show….wfmu…podcast..uh….funny…uh..”. Then I realized that he wasn’t looking at me, he was listening to one of his chums on a machine behind me and I had interrupted them, then I got a glare. I slunk away and went on a different machine far away.

Gary the Squirrel

    • spank
    • October 23rd, 2012

    “Yeah, I’m looking for Mike Hunt”

    “Mike Hunt …. anybody seen Mike Hunt”

    “LOLOLOLOLOL”

    “Why you mother fucker”

    • Bones Boy
    • October 23rd, 2012

    hey, snap it, pal ….

    • Chris Burns
    • October 23rd, 2012

    My Dad said Red used to shove the beer drinkers away from the bar to make way for whiskey drinking customers. No barstools in the Tube, either.

  1. best show is great and sometimes those cliques never change…great you are going to the gym though, fuck ’em.

  2. Ha Ha, Classic!

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