REPRINT:Yaz

[with Miguel Cabrera being the first player since 1967 to win baseball’s triple crown, I’m reprinting a piece on the last triple crown winner, Carl Yastrzemski and his patented birth control pills]

(A&P Press, Kelly Stinnett)
(Montvale N.J.) Bayer pharmaceuticals bending to government pressure has released a statement explaining how their YAZ birth control pill works. The official statement which is a 10 page document can be broken down into a few understandable points:

* Boston Red Sox star and Hall of Famer (elected 1989) Carl “Yaz” Yastrzemski is multiply cloned and is shrunk down to approx. 1/100,000th of his original size.

* Thousands of “lil Yaz’s” are put into pills, armed with tiny baseball bats.

* After the YAZ contraceptive pill is taken, the microscopic Yaz’s burst free from their pills and form perimeters around unfertilized eggs.

* When sperm attempts to gain access to the egg they are attacked by thousands of bat wielding tiny Yaz’s

* Yaz’s success rate is 99% when taken according to instructions.

This “Yaz”…

…is made from this “Yaz”

 

    • spank
    • October 6th, 2012

    In Yaz’s 23 year career, there were 3,726 games played, and Yaz appeared in 3,308, which roughly translates into a games played average of 89% …… so, technically, shouldn’t YAZ’s success rate also be at 89% ?? Are you trying to tell me that the HOF’er Yaz was more successful inside that he was outside ??

    It’s all a big conspiracy between the FDA and the pharmaceutical’s to sell a lousy product for big bucks to an unsuspecting public while trading on the popularity of a famous baseball player.

    I tell you what, if I got pregnant using YAZ birth control, I’d sue the makers of YAZ for everything they got and I’d sue the gray wool road uniform off Yaz’ ass too.

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