[with Miguel Cabrera being the first player since 1967 to win baseball’s triple crown, I’m reprinting a piece on the last triple crown winner, Carl Yastrzemski and his patented birth control pills]
(A&P Press, Kelly Stinnett)
(Montvale N.J.) Bayer pharmaceuticals bending to government pressure has released a statement explaining how their YAZ birth control pill works. The official statement which is a 10 page document can be broken down into a few understandable points:
* Boston Red Sox star and Hall of Famer (elected 1989) Carl “Yaz” Yastrzemski is multiply cloned and is shrunk down to approx. 1/100,000th of his original size.
* Thousands of “lil Yaz’s” are put into pills, armed with tiny baseball bats.
* After the YAZ contraceptive pill is taken, the microscopic Yaz’s burst free from their pills and form perimeters around unfertilized eggs.
* When sperm attempts to gain access to the egg they are attacked by thousands of bat wielding tiny Yaz’s
* Yaz’s success rate is 99% when taken according to instructions.