I Hate Me, Part 245,005
As I’ve written in a previous missive about my near obsession with Jazz Apples (I Hate Me, Part 1,009,877,334 aka Showdown in Appletown), I have been going to Delicious Orchards to buy them as they’re the only place around that sells them. Delicious Orchards is an old, folksy produce market and bakery (“…and so much more”), it’s about twenty minutes away. I know driving that far for goddamned specific apples is ridiculous but I am ridiculous, so it makes sense. I went to pick up our weekly batch of apples and I went to the apple department and I didn’t see any Jazz apples. there were 1,000’s of apples; Red Delicious, Gala, Honey Crisp, Rome, Lumpy Joe, Pacific Rose, Balkan Cartilage, Golden Delicious, Nixon!, McIntosh, there were a lot of apples but no Jazz Apples. I asked the apple guy, who was unfortunately not dressed like an apple nor wearing an apple shaped hat:
Me-Where’s the Jazz….apples?
Apple Guy- We don’t have them now
Me-Isn’t it apple month? shouldn’t you guys have them, you usually have them.
Apple Guy-It’s not apple month, I’m not sure there is an apple month.
Somehow, I had convinced myself that it was Apple Month. I don’t even know what it means, I’m guessing a celebration of apples, if it existed.
So under protest, I filled a bag with Honey Crisp and Nixon! apples and trudged to the counter.