I Hate Me, Part 198,562
I’ve been trying to watch what I eat for a while now. I lost some weight and it’s a constant,blah,blah,blah. Anyhow, every now and again I’ll get a jones some food I really shouldn’t get. In this case a black & white cookie. Not a bakery/artisanal version, “made with the darkest chocolate from Belgium’s famed chocolate mines and the purest sugar taken from rarest sugar trees hidden deep in the Himalayas and tended to by the Dalai Lama himself”. I wanted a cellophane wrapped one where the chocolate part is soft and the white part (not vanilla) is a hard sugar shell and the cookie part is slightly stale. I found one at a local Krauszer’s. I took it to the counter and:
Counter Guy: I can’t sell you that.
Me: why not? (did my wife send out a flyer to local shops “do not sell unhealthy food to this man” with my picture on it?)
Counter Guy: Look, there’s some black stuff on the white side…I don’t want you to get sick.
Me: I’m pretty sure it’s not mold…It’s just a bit of chocolate that ended up over there when they were making it.
Counter Guy: No, I can’t sell that to you, sorry…get another one.
I went back to the rack and grabbed another one
Counter Guy: No, that’s bad as well, get one from the shelf below
Me: Those are danishes, I wanted a black & white cookie
Counter Guy: Below that
Me: Those are pound cake slices, not the same thing
Counter Guy: I’m sorry
Me:…ok…do you want the unsellable black & white cookies so nobody else gets disappointed?
Counter Guy: No…just leave them there
I left hungry and puzzled.