I Hate Me, Part 200,771

Once again I was at Foodtown, and of course I was in a rush. It was really sunny out, I have the type of glasses that darken in the sun. Once inside they don’t un-darken very quickly. As I grabbed a basket I saw what I thought was a guy holding a toddler by the chest and neck. I was thinking, Good Christ, what a terrible way to hold a child”. I was staring at him and “Holy shit! He just pulled his child’s head off, Nooooooo! I was stunned and staring at him and I realized that it wasn’t a child, it was a melon, a baguette, and a sack of potatoes and the guy was trying to carry everything without a basket. He caught me staring at him and glared and I tried to mime a sorry-I-thought-I-knew-you type thing and I quickly went to the other side of the store. Good Christ, what a terrible way to hold your groceries.

Through darkened lenses, this combination of groceries appeared to be a child

    • Pat Richardson
    • March 6th, 2012

    Wow—this might be your best Foodtown post ever! The sketch and caption seal the deal…

    • Goongod
    • March 6th, 2012

    Lift some weights, you sad sack melonhead. your arms are like breadsticks.

    • spank
    • March 7th, 2012

    Ya know, I’ve seen that melon headed, sack o’ po-taters kid somewhere else before, but I can’t remember where … Oh yeah, now I know, he was this weeks Foodtown Mystery Shopper. Had a circle over his face and everything. I saw it in The Courier (The Bayshore’s leading independant newspaper, always found hidden in your bushes, and never on your front porch).

    Baguette arms better get his sack o’ po-taters ass down to Foodtown soon if he wants his free $25 shopping spree.

    • Chris Burns
    • March 7th, 2012

    “Area man recieves vison of Infant of Prague at local supermarket. A shrine has been erected in the Produce Department, attracting throngs of lame, blind, and afflicted pilgrims.”

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