I LIKE RECORDS 61

It was a slow Saturday morning. These two guys came in. One was very quiet, the other wasn’t, they seemed a little drunk or maybe they were just a little off, I couldn’t tell. The quiet one went about rooting through the used section and the loud one had a ton of questions. I’ve been working there long enough to know when a customer is asking questions to buy something or just wants to flap his gums. This guy was a gum flapper, “I see Hank Williams junior an somebody called Hank Williams three but I don’t see the real Hank…you know Hank…Williams.” I showed him where Hank Williams was (oddly enough, right next to Hank jr and Hank III). Well I don wanna buy ’em, I just wanna make sure you got ’em. I check on stuff like that.” a few minutes later, “Zeppelin…Lehhhhd Zepppp Oh Linnnn….England, yeah …yeah you got ’em here. Ya know Vintage Vinyl got ’em too…”. This went on for awhile, I was pricing used records and stopped paying attention to him. Loud guy used the restroom and quiet guy left. A few minutes later quiet guy came back and was looking for loud guy. Loud guy was still in the restroom which is right next to the stockroom. Quiet guy was turning into panicky guy, “where are you!?”, loud guy from the restroom, “IN HERE…I’m in here!”, “where?!”, “IN HERE, IN HERE!”, quiet guy walked into the stockroom, “I don’t see you, I hear you…I can’t see you!”, “‘I’M IN HERE, I’M INHERE…HERE!”. By this time quiet guy is right outside the restroom door but he still doesn’t know where loud guy is. I yelled over to him, “He’s in the bathroom!”. Quiet guy, “oh”. Loud guy from behind the door, “yeah, I’m in here.” And as usual when “I can’t takes it no more”, I went out for a coffee, they were gone when I got back.

    • spank
    • February 29th, 2012

    “Ya know what else Vintage Vinyl has? … A fuckin’ toilet!! Now take your flappin’ gums and (in my best Eddie Murphy imitation from a scene in ‘Trading Places’) Get. The. Fuck. Out.!!”

    Of course, that’s what I’d like to say, but I’d probably just slink out and get a coffee too (or head on down to the corner liquor store, get a hip flask bottle of Leroux Blackberry Brandy and take a big swig of that Polish cough syrup happiness).

    • fishbreath
    • February 29th, 2012

    so, loud guy is in the head dropping a big “Led-zep-oh-lin” and screaming “i’m in here!”…wow, talk about a retail-nightmare. Like Ernest t. Bass and Otis in one episode.

    • Chris Burns
    • February 29th, 2012

    Does A.A. (Alcoholics Alotofus) schedule regular meet-ups at Jack’s or is this more of a spontaneous stagger?

    • spank
    • February 29th, 2012

    I like the names you give the customers … loud guy, quiet guy, drunk guy, guy named Guy, and my own “guy” name when I pop in, which is “Oh shit, not this fuckin’ guy again”.

    • is that that guy from vintage vinyl?
    • March 1st, 2012

    i used to work at vintage vinyl, they dont have a public toilet, they are a public toilet.
    stories like this remind how glad i am that i dont work there anymore.
    Tim, i don’t know how the hell you still do it after so many years. at least you have a temporary escape for coffee. 🙂

    • drunk guy
    • March 3rd, 2012

    It’s a slow Saturday morning, just stopping by Ugh to see if there’s any new posts. I don’t wanna read it, just wanna see if it’s here … I check on stuff like that.

    If you’re looking for me, I’ll be in the bathroom ….

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