I Hate Me, Part 197,002
Carrie and I try to watch as many old movies as we can, “try” is the operative word there. When we do actually get to watch something old, more times than not it’s something we Tivo’d on TCM (Turner Classic Movies). I got Carrie a subscription to the monthly movie guide and the subscription was due. As it’s her birthday next month I wanted to renew the subscription. Today was also the first day off I’ve had by myself since before I went on tour in October and there was a shitload of things I wanted to get done. A staggering amount of tiny annoying chores that I had put off for too long. It was so daunting that I tried to do everything at once, the only thing I finished was five cups of coffee. So I wanted to at least complete something, even if it was just renewing a subscription. I went on the Turner site, found the subscription page and filled out everything before I saw in giant letters, NEW SUBSCRIPTIONS ONLY. Alright, that’s fine. I found a “manage your accounts” heading and clicked onto it. I typed in the the account number that’s on the magazine and put in my zip code. NO!…Account number is incorrect. OK, I’ll try it again, there’s a lot of numbers, I’m somewhat frazzled. So I took my time…and… NO!… Account number is incorrect. Fuck you! it is not!. Take it easy champ, maybe it’s the series of letters over the numbers. So I typed in the numbers…and…NO!!… Account must be in numbers (of course. It’s fucking ACCOUNT NUMBERS, not LETTERS! you idiot! aaaauuugh!!). So I gave up (one of my super powers) and I found another page where I could find the account by putting in the addresee, so I typed it in, Carrie Wyndorf (she kept her maiden name, I didn’t want to include her in the Cronin curse). Nothing,name not on file, grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. I can’t even renew a goddamn magazine subscription. Just as I was going to tear up the Turner Movie Guide into tiny pieces I noticed the name it was addressed to. When we got married we used to joke that we should combine both our names and use the hybrid name Crondorf it had a certain retarded classiness to it. So as a joke when I gave her the subscription I had it addressed to Carrie Crondorf. With that bit of info, I successfully renewed the subscription. I finally accomplished something on my day off.