I Hate Me, part, 167,441

I’ve probably mentioned before about how fast the dog (who for some reason is now being referred to as “Dream Weasel”) destroys her toys. Much like Charlie Brown and the football, we always go back and buy another toy that claims to be “tough” or “Tuff!” even though deep down we know that we’ll be bitterly disappointed. Today was no different, we were at a pet store( CosmoPAWlitan) and I saw a toy goat. It’s got triple stitching! It’s got hidden seams! It’s got photograph of a dog the size of a golf cart chewing it WITH NO DAMAGE! I’m sold, Carrie on the other hand, not so much. She gave it a once over with a jaundiced eye, “MMMmmm, Really? She’s gonna tear this to shreds in no time.” “But baby, it’s got triple stitching! TRIPLE STITCHING!” She relented. When we got home I went outside to throw some food on the grill, the whole thing must have taken me a minute, minute and a half tops. I went inside and Carrie was standing there with the goat whose guts were torn out. The dog, sitting there with her inscrutable grin, “Is that all you got, fucker? Bring me a real toy.”

R.I.P. goat toy. We hardly knew ye.

    • klutch
    • August 24th, 2011

    OK, here’s some advice on the toy front: no matter what the label tells you, they are gonna kill the toy. PERIOD. I mean Nigel is a born ratter, he cant help it. Lucy just wants to snap its little neck and disembowel as quickly as possible. And if you are buying toys “made” for dogs, you are spending a great deal of money… unnecessarily.

    We go to the thrift shops and buy appropriately sized stuffed animals (usually in the 25 cents – 99 cents range) without any outward hard or easily detachable bits (for instance, we found a suitable bear dressed as a genie — we could remove the sparkly vest but that turban was on there but good, so he was rejected). Little plastic eyes/noses are OK because they can be cut off. Before the cutting off of said sensory organs, the selected animals are tossed in the washing machine w/ a little detergent, not a lot, on a regular cycle, hot water, no fabric softener. You can air-dry them or machine dry. Then lop off little hard bits that can be ingested and toss to salivating pet. Yes, she will tear it to shreds in minutes, but you just got about 10 toys for the price of something recommended at Pet Smart.

    Once in a while, splurge a couple of bucks for a BIG toy, something twice her size. It will keep her confused and busy longer and will provide entertainment for you guys to watch her struggle with it. We especially love bears with tee-shirts or “themes” that we enjoy seeing ripped apart… cell phone companies, investment banks, Halliburton or BP, anything with the American Flag. Just sayin’.

    • galbacco
    • August 24th, 2011

    Too funny for words and now ‘Dream Weasel’ is added to the extended list of names. Lucy should have her own show…

  1. just give her a cement block…

    • spank
    • October 14th, 2011

    Tim, I know I’m late to this story, but I got some valuable advice …. do not give the doggie those super tuff Nylabones. My Lab is also a big chewer, and went thru every toy out there, so we got those bones and they lasted real good …. so good that she broke a molar on one of those bones and it just cost me a grand to have her tooth pulled (nevermind the stress of having my baby put under ansesthesia … dogs don’t handle that knock-out juice well, so I’m told).

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