Archive for May, 2011

I Hate Me, Part 218,902

One of the few toys that the dog hasn’t destroyed is a Kong Wubba.It’s this thing that looks like a cartoon squid, a round squeaky thing covered in firehose material (or something like it). She was in the kitchen happily squeaking away, and I was outside at the grill cooking my weekly batch of chicken. As I was cooking, the rhythmic squeaking was in the background. Then it started sounding kind of interesting, like some out-jazz horn player and I was digging on it. I flipped the chicken over and went inside to see what the hell was going on with our canine Coltrane. I opened the door to the kitchen and she stopped, she thought I was bringing her food. I tried to get her to play a solo on the Wubba, no luck. I went back outside and I heard it again. As I was deciding what to do, my brother-in-law opened his back window to say something to me (we live in a two family house). When the window was opened, loud free jazz was pouring out and what I thought was a musical dog toy was actually jazz heard through a closed window. I tried explaining it to the dog but she didn’t seem to care.

Our canine Coltrane's ax

Sunday Music 5/29/2011


fEEDTIME is one of my favorite bands ever, loud and primitive. Their bio says they were around from 1979 although I didn’t hear them until the mid 80’s. A friend of mine told me that they reformed and just played San Francisco, I hope it wasn’t a one off. This is the title track from the 1986 album Shovel   (to listen, click on  08 shovel  below)

08 shovel

more album art

Generic 12″ single covers are usually boring, this is the best I’ve seen. Splayed legs, engulfed in flames with “Disco” written on each leg, while three badly drawn couples dance underneath. The art is attributed to “Magnet Touch Productions”. The song is pretty good as well, Spyce-Do It Rock Steady, kind of a spacey disco/funk thing.

I Hate Me, Part 278,020

I was driving around doing errands, I was running late and I got a call from Carrie. When I drive and someone calls, I either A) ignore it, or B) a quick “I’m driving, I’ll call you back”. We had to coordinate something later in the afternoon that involved juggling work schedules, band practice, and some dog stuff. So I pulled over and we started hashing things out. I started going over how I think we should schedule everything. I’m blathering, it’s a soliloquy, long and convoluted and it lasts like three minutes, I don’t hear anything from Carrie, I figured she’s pissed that I didn’t let her get a word in edgewise:
Me- “So does that make sense to you…I can take the old car to practice.”
Me- “….are you good with that?…..”
Me- “…Hey!…”
and then I looked at the phone and realized that I had no signal and she probably didn’t hear a word that I said. I called her back at the same time she called me back and we both went to voicemail and I wanted to drive my car into a tree.

Rapture Prophet Changes Story

 A&P Press, Hubie Brooks

Harold Camping emerged this morning from his Alameda, California home to face reporters for the first time since the Rapture he predicted never happened. Camping told the gathered reporters that he was “misquoted” about the world ending on Saturday. “What I had said was that I was gong to get a rupture on Saturday, and I did. I had planned to clean out some gutters on Saturday and I was afraid that it would be the end of days for me climbing a ladder if I got a rupture, which I did. The doctors said I have an abdominal rupture and it looks like that my ladder climbing days are over. I apologize if anybody misheard me, I am old and have a tendency to mutter.”

Harold Camping

Sunday Music 5/22/2011

Johnny Hash-Summer of Cum
Johnny Hash was a two piece band that was a side project of a side project. Featuring Dan Brown & Marty Moore from the Screws, who were a side project from Mick Collins (Dirtbombs) and Terri Wahl (Red Aunts). Johnny Hash’s lineage is very convoluted and slightly boring, the kind of rabbit hole mutant bullshit that losers like me dig. Anyhow, this is from a single they did in 2001 on In The Red, I think it’s still in print . (to play, click on song title in blue)

Summer of cum

Childhood 3

I was reading a very old Rolling Stone and I saw an ad for an old “hippie” watch. It had some nogoodnik on it who’s hands were the watch hands and it was giving the finger with the words “Up the Establishment!” on it and it reminded me when I was a little kid and at my grandparents house in St. Albans, Queens, I think it was 1968/69. Their neighbor was a cop. To a little kid (I was about six) he was a giant, one day he called me over and sat me down on his front porch, he was deadly serious and said something along the lines of, “You know that bad people call policemen pigs…well look at this,” He showed me his watch that had an angry pig in a police uniform on it, and the words Pride Integrity Guts. “This’ll show ‘em!…right?” I panicked and ran back to my grandparents house.

LP inserts

If a record is too trashed to sell, sometimes there’s a paper insert. I saved the more interesting ones. (click on images to enlarge)

I Hate Me, Part 100,923

I was on my own for dinner, so I went to Foodtown to get some fried chicken. it was about 7pm and they were starting to close up the fried chicken station. There was a spanish guy working behind the counter (Louis) and one guy being served in front of me. The guy being served was getting a bucket of chicken but completely micro-managing it
-Give me a leg
-Give me another leg…not that one, the one next to it…the other one
-Give me two wings
-Give me another leg…no…no…no,..that one
-Give me a breast…parents gotta eat to…not that does the bottom of that one look….um…ok
-Give me two more chicken legs…kids love chicken legs…I don’t like that one…mmm…eh…ok
I was seeing the chicken selection diminishing quickly, after the guy got a couple of more pieces he went over to get cole slaw with Louis. I was standing by the fried chicken seeing what was left, a few wings and a strange breaded lump. Then the manager who runs the dept. came over, “Are you being helped?”
Me-” that guy is help…”
Mgr-(cuts me off) “HEY, LOUIS! HELP THIS GUY!”
(glare from Louis, who’s still helping chicken man)
Me-”yeah, he was gonna help me after he finished with that guy (WHY CAN’T YOU HELP ME, YOU’RE NOT DOING ANYTHING)
Mgr-(to me) don’t worry (gives me a conspiratorial eye roll), C’MON LOUIS!
Me-(I waited until Louis came over and tried to distance myself from the manager) “I said he was helping the other guy, I wasn’t being ignored”
(glares from Louis and the manager, who then walked away)
Louis-(grim level look) Can I help you?
Me-”Look……….I uh……I…..I…..told him you were helping the other guy …and…………….uh……………mmm….uh…four wings please”
Louis-”four wings”
So summoning one my most potent superpowers, the power of guilt, I slunk away.

Sunday Music 5/15/2011

Zoomers-From The Planet Moon   (to listen to song, click on the song title in blue)
The Zoomers were an early 80’s (late 70’s?) band from Baton Rouge, Louisiana. They didn’t put out too much in their lifetime, this is from a CD called Exist. Full of weird, catchy space punk. Real unique stuff. It was released by Hyped To Death, a great label that has done an amazing job gathering music so obscure that it barely exists. Check out their website

From The Planet Moon