Archive for March, 2011

I Hate Me, Part 100, 332

I don’t intent for this to always be about the dog. However, speaking of the dog, lately I have thought of the dog as a kind of crazy interior decorator (or should I say In-terrier decorator…….. Hello?? Is This thing on?).
Example: the dog tears up the kitchen floor “Look at Me! I’m tearing up the floor, you assholes! …You need a new Floor, NOW! …woof”. She then started eating paint off the wall, “Hey assholes! Look at me …I’m eatin’ paint off the goddamned wall! What kind of shitty paint job did you do that a tiny dog like me can eat it!… REPAINT IT! and DO….IT…RIGHT!… woof” She then started tearing up the carpet, “Look how goddamned easy I can eat this carpet!…What did you spend on it?!… It’s shit! …In fact I’m shitting on it!… woof” She’s also a movie critic, “Yes, I’m chewing up your DVD of Parallax View! …It’s awful! …It makes no sense and Warren Beatty looks like an idiot! …woof”. Who knew she was so passionate.

Sunday Music 3/13/2011

Mr. Wiggles-Homeboy
Man, I don’t know anything about this at all, it’s on the truly amazing and indispensable CD Talkin’ Trash! Lookey Dookey distributed by Norton Records.

you really should own this

Found in the newspaper

Sean found this ad in todays Daily News. Instead of a Nike style Swoosh, Verso-Shock went with something that looks like a sperm. Is the sneaker supposed to make the wearer as singleminded and relentless as a sperm trying to impregnate an egg? It’s puzzling.

I Hate Me, Part 216,882

Floor Eater

The dog is eating our kitchen floor. We have an oldish vinyl tile floor with a couple of cracks in it and the wee beast started tearing it up where the cracks are and eating it. This gives her diarrhea. We covered the bare patches (under the table at this point) with heavy duty cloth gaff tape I had left over from tour. She developed a taste for gaff tape, this also gives her diarrhea. We ended up putting an old metal milk crate over the patches. This has worked so far, although she is chewing on the metal. So we need a new floor. We went to Home Depot to get prices on kitchen floors. We were going for the cheapest. The cheapest appears to be some sort of textured Saran Wrap, something so thin that if you glared at it intently there’s a good chance you’d put a hole in it. So the cheapest was out, this meant a mind numbing array of different types/styles/textures of flooring. A very patient older guy who worked there was explaining the pros and cons of each type/style/texture of flooring. Carrie had a bunch of questions, I had none. As we’re being given the oral history of vinyl flooring, the wife of a guy I work with walked by and said hi. I had forgotten her name. Now I am notoriously awful with names and my wife and I have developed a way to find out without embarrassment: I talk to whoever it is whose name I’ve forgotten and don’t introduce Carrie, Carrie cuts in and says “I’m sorry, I’m Tim’s wife Carrie” which prompts the other person to say their name, Simple and foolproof. As I’m talking to this woman and waiting for Carrie to jump in and save me, I hear “Veneer flooring, what’s that?” and she’s off looking at veneer flooring, leaving me to twist in the wind. I stammered and mimed that I had to follow the wife, the woman (who’s name I still can’t remember) gave me a wan smile and was gone. I found the veneer flooring section where Carrie was looking at tiny floor samples. Trying to liven things up I said “Can we just take a bunch of the samples and do the the floor with them? We’d probably need a couple of thousand.” I guess he’d heard this before, he looked at me levelly “No, you can’t do that.” I looked over to Carrie for a moral supportive laugh or chuckle or even an eye roll but she was more interested in rubberized flooring by Allure. It was decreed many years ago that I am an anti-handy man, if the kitchen was a perfect square and I had ten to fifteen years to put the floor in maybe I could do it, maybe. So we tried to set up an appointment for an estimate but something was wrong with the computer, they guy tried and tried….and tried. We tried to leave a couple of times, “Can we just call tomorrow and set it up?”, “No…no..I got it…dammit…it says contact Special Appraisal…but I’M SPECIAL APPRAISAL.” Eventually he gave up and we have to call tomorrow. We got home and gave the dog a new toy, a sock monkey, which she destroyed in her fastest time yet, thirty five seconds.

I like this

While going thru a bunch of lp’s I found this cover. It’s a 1958 sampler from Bethlehem Records. The name Hannan is on the cover but I don’t know if that’s the name of the artist. Also an insert in an MJQ album on Prestige.

Sunday Music 3/6/2011

Hives-Genepool Convulsions
The Hives never really broke big over here, I always thought it was goddamn shame. Tight, catchy, speedy, loud rock from Sweden. I was lucky enough to see them live a few times and they killed. This is a B-side from their 2004 single “Walk Idiot Walk

02 genepool convulsions

I Hate Me, Part 293,330

Old guy who comes in the store a lot, he’s had a rough paper route. He’s tall and really skinny but kind of holds himself like he used to be a fat guy. Anyhow, he was looking through the used cd’s and overheard me telling someone about a show my band recently did.
Guy-You in a band, Timmy?
Me-Yeah
Guy-What kind of music?
Me-Just garage rock shit
Guy-Garage music huh…just like Huey News… right.
Me-I…don’t….uh..
Guy-Yeah..Huey News…his music is from a garage…I seen it.
Me-Do you mean Huey Lewis and the News, the guy who did “I want a new drug”?
Guy-I wanna new drug too..hahahahahahaha…no really, is that his name? I thought it was Huey News.
Me-Yeah..we don’t really sound like him
Guy-Well… ya gotta admit he’s good.

Scientists: Charlie Sheen is from the future.

An unsubstantiated report says that certain “Scientists from the future” have contacted the TMZ entertainment website and claimed that Charlie Sheen is actually from the future. These “future scientists” explained a number of Sheen’s inexplicable quotes:

“I got tiger blood, man”
-In the future, doctors have found that Tiger Blood is actually better for humans than human blood. The healing rate with tiger blood is faster and it boosts metabolism. The rich and influential will get their blood replaced with tiger blood.

“I’m on a drug called Charlie Sheen”
-A highly addictive drug called “Charlie Sheen” will be a scourge in the future. The drug’s street name is “Clown” for the sad yet comic delusions the user suffers.

“It’s been a tsunami of media and I’m riding it on a mercury surfboard”
-Due to global warming the future will suffer many more tsunami’s than we have today. Extreme sports enthusiasts will surf these giant destructive waves on surfboards made from a stabilized form of the chemical element Mercury.

“I got magic and I got poetry at my fingertips”
-Frankly we don’t know what the hell this means.