Scientists: Charlie Sheen is from the future.

An unsubstantiated report says that certain “Scientists from the future” have contacted the TMZ entertainment website and claimed that Charlie Sheen is actually from the future. These “future scientists” explained a number of Sheen’s inexplicable quotes:

“I got tiger blood, man”
-In the future, doctors have found that Tiger Blood is actually better for humans than human blood. The healing rate with tiger blood is faster and it boosts metabolism. The rich and influential will get their blood replaced with tiger blood.

“I’m on a drug called Charlie Sheen”
-A highly addictive drug called “Charlie Sheen” will be a scourge in the future. The drug’s street name is “Clown” for the sad yet comic delusions the user suffers.

“It’s been a tsunami of media and I’m riding it on a mercury surfboard”
-Due to global warming the future will suffer many more tsunami’s than we have today. Extreme sports enthusiasts will surf these giant destructive waves on surfboards made from a stabilized form of the chemical element Mercury.

“I got magic and I got poetry at my fingertips”
-Frankly we don’t know what the hell this means.

    • DownOnMyLuck
    • March 2nd, 2011

    “Adonis DNA” is crack-addict speak for “I drink Vitalis because it’s the only thing that gets me high.” Just in case, y’know, you gave a shit…
    FYI… Whitney Houston got off drugs using “Adonis DNA”

    • fishbreath
    • March 2nd, 2011

    i love it – i wonder if he pictures himself with that stupid tiger-bloodish-bandana from “hotshots.”

    • chris
    • March 3rd, 2011

    if you had as many females smoking you like a bong as charlie does, you may be convinced you’re a drug too!!

    • chris
    • March 3rd, 2011

    BTW – i think in his case DNA stands for Drugs ‘N Alchohol.


    • galbacco
    • March 3rd, 2011

    Forget Martin Sheen, Charlie Sheen is a love child of Lemmy. Let’s look at the facts, I got Tiger blood… It’s been proven that Lemmy’s blood would kill another human being and that human blood would kill Lemmy, therefore a stripey cat’s blood is the safest transfusion going and a tiger is cuddly too…I’m on a drug called Charlie Sheen, Lemmy has done every drug known to man, therefore he must’ve done Charlie…It’s been a tsunami of media and I’m riding it on a mercury surfboard, is a euphemism for Lemmy’s bass playing under the influence, particularly during the Space Ritual Tour, the mercury surfboard being his bass and the tsunami being the crowd feedback…I got magic and I got poetry at my fingertips, enough said. Charlie, I suggest you go home for milk and biscuits and a cuddle off pops…

    Disclaimer, I believe this to be 100% untrue and complete fiction…

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