Archive for March 1st, 2011

Scientists: Charlie Sheen is from the future.

An unsubstantiated report says that certain “Scientists from the future” have contacted the TMZ entertainment website and claimed that Charlie Sheen is actually from the future. These “future scientists” explained a number of Sheen’s inexplicable quotes:

“I got tiger blood, man”
-In the future, doctors have found that Tiger Blood is actually better for humans than human blood. The healing rate with tiger blood is faster and it boosts metabolism. The rich and influential will get their blood replaced with tiger blood.

“I’m on a drug called Charlie Sheen”
-A highly addictive drug called “Charlie Sheen” will be a scourge in the future. The drug’s street name is “Clown” for the sad yet comic delusions the user suffers.

“It’s been a tsunami of media and I’m riding it on a mercury surfboard”
-Due to global warming the future will suffer many more tsunami’s than we have today. Extreme sports enthusiasts will surf these giant destructive waves on surfboards made from a stabilized form of the chemical element Mercury.

“I got magic and I got poetry at my fingertips”
-Frankly we don’t know what the hell this means.