I haven’t written as much here as I’ve wanted to this past month because I’ve been preoccupied with a diet I started, yes a diet. My goal is modest, to go from morbidly obese to obese and then hopefully to just fat. When people hear the word diet the response could go anywhere from “Good for you” to “Eat a salad you fat bastard”. Anyhow, I had this dream about the diet, it roughly goes as follows:
I’ve been on the diet for about a year and have seen tremendous weight loss and I go to the doctor on a seemingly unrelated matter
Dr.-Thanks for coming in Mister Cronin there’s a serious ma….
Me-(upbeat) serious matter?… here’s a serious matter…I lost a hundred… and twenty five…pounds…oh yeah…me…lost a lot of weight.
Dr.-That’s what I wanted to talk to you about…the weight loss…it’s mostly from…uh cancer
Me-…not my…uh…not my dieting tenacity?
Dr.- No I’m sorry…it seems the dieting had very little to do with it…You could have eaten pretty much anything… and you still would have lost the weight…through cancer
Me-….is it…a good cancer?
Dr.-…………………have you ever heard of a good cancer?
I don’t remember the rest of it, I think it involved bacon and sobbing.
*”a deck chair off the Titanic” is a self deprecating phrase my friends the Slattery’s use when any of us lose a bit off weight. EX: “Hey, I lost 5 pounds. It’s like a deck chair off the Titanic”