Middle aged guy with family. Big, maybe an old jock. Family’s looking around, he’s bored, sees we carry records. Is very surprised that there are new records, kind of doesn’t believe it.  Heads to the back where the used records are and goes to the alphabetized section. They are clearly marked. I’m back there filing records.

Guy- “Are these in any order?”

Me- “Alphabetical”

Guy-(holding up an obvious used record) “These aren’t new are they?”

Me- “no, they’re used.”

Guy- “Cause I hear they’re re-pressing albums again.”

Me- “Yup, we got a bunch of new albums up front.”

Guy- “but..uh these ain’t new…right?”

Me- “Nope, they’re used.”

Guy- “…and they’re just out here..and they’re..uh..not sorted in any way?”

Me- “Yeah,…uh… they’re in alphabetical order…by the letters…of the alphabet.”

Guy- “So… I’m lookin’ for some Merle Haggard…it should be out here somewhere?”

Me- “Yeah, in the H’s”

Guy- “The H’s aren’t broken down like Country or Hard Rock… in the H’s…or anything…are they?”

Me- “No…there’s a foot and half of records in the H section…it’s not broken down further than that.”

Guy- “So…there’s… no Hard Rock section in the H’s.”

Me- “nope.”

Guy- (finds a couple of Merle Haggard records, reads the titles to himself) “How much is this one?”

Me- “the price is on the back (he looks at the back, can’t find it, looks puzzled)…the big white sticker with the name of the store on it… and a price.”

Guy- “oh…(scrutinizes the price sticker)…a dollar ninety nine?”

Me- “yup.”

Guy- “How about this one (holds up another Merle Haggard record) is this a dollar ninety nine too?” (It’s clearly marked)

Me- “…YUP”

Guy- “Yeah…records are better than tapes or eight tracks or cd’s… ‘cause if you can’t see…see with your eyes…than records…are good…”

(Painful Silence, he looks over at me for a response)

Me- “yeahrecordsaregreat”

Guy- “yeah…and if you’re a musician…who plays an instrument, you can just pick up the needle on a record and put it back to hear a part again…it’s hard to do that with a tape or a cd.”

Me- “well…with a cd…(WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING, DON’T ENCOURAGE HIM)…yeah it’s a pain in the ass…”

Guy- “I know…Does Peter Frampton ever come in here?”

I jam the remaining records I’m filing under the rack and excuse myself for an imaginary phone call.

  1. well, does frampton ever come in there?

    • galbacco
    • February 19th, 2011

    Moral of the story…Stay out front away from families where the non- alphabetized records are…

    • Art Buchwald
    • February 20th, 2011

    the problem here isn’t this fella’s befuddlement, but your flat-out refusal to categorize used records with anything more granular than the alphabet.

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