I Hate Me, Part 206,888
The HMS Foodtown
We were having a few people over for the Super Bowl. It’s nice to have people come by, I like it. I also think that having people over is a good push to get the house straightened up. “There’s people coming over Sunday, you need to get these records out of the dining room/living room/kitchen/hallway/refrigerator ”, “I just vacuumed. Don’t walk on the floor, hover!” It gets a bit frantic around here and at this point the dog isn’t really pulling her weight in regards to helping with the housekeeping, which was one of the reasons we got her (I know, tie Swifter pads to her paws and send her on her way. Doesn’t work, she eats them.) I went to Foodtown to pick up some last minute things. I had gotten some buffalo chicken pieces at A&P which were awful, like bad chinese food chicken in hot sauce. So I wanted to get some proper buffalo wings, I got some and it didn’t look like enough so I thought I’ll get some shrimp. Yay, shrimp! Everyone loves shrimp, it’s festive. The seafood dept. at Foodtown is usually manned by a guy who seems like he doesn’t want to be there and doesn’t really want you to be there either, I haven’t seen him in a while. I didn’t see any of the pre-made shrimp trays. The woman who was working the dept. had her back to me frantically making a shrimp tray. I didn’t want to bother her, so just yelled to her “I’ll take one of those when you’re done”. Without looking at me, “three minutes!”. So I went and got the rest of my stuff and went back. I didn’t realize how big the tray she was making was, it was massive, but I asked for it and it is shrimp so I knew it wouldn’t go to waste. She started putting the plastic top on it and there seemed to be a problem with it, but it was hard to tell as her back was to me. So she got a stapler to help secure it but it was out of staples. Now she’s getting angry, her back is tensing and she’s starting to mutter. She finally sorted out the stapler and she started stapling the top like a crazy person, accidently stapled a piece of fish wrapping paper onto it, then tore it off. I started to have second thoughts on the shrimp, who needs it we got a lot of other stuff and I didn’t say there would be shrimp but…it is shrimp. She finally attached the top of the shrimp tray. She handed it to me as if she were ridding herself of a curse. I got home and started wrestling with the over stapled top of the shrimp tray, there seemed to be hundreds of staples in it (actually twelve, which is quite a lot for a shrimp tray) and I tore the actual tray sending a few shrimp down to the floor which I had to pick up before the the dog a.k.a. “the shitting vacuum” ate them and the inevitable “Why are you feeding the puppy shrimp?” Anyhow, nobody was as excited as I was about the shrimp and I ate too many and was ill the next day.