Belmar Tries Flame Thrower Snow Removal One More Time

A&P Press, Craig Swan

Councilman Bobby Pfeil announced Monday that the Belmar public works department would once again try using flame throwers for aid in snow removal. The town owns two army surplus flame throwers obtained from Fort Monmouth when the base announced it’s closing in 2005. Originally used by Belmar in 2008, the flame throwers did a respectable job of melting the snow but there were some problems. The problems included the accidental incineration of three houses and five vehicles. Although there were no injuries, the town was sued for over ten million dollars when an independent inquiry determined that township workers unfamiliar with flame throwers were to blame for the damage. Pfeil addressed these concerns, “Look, I know mistakes were made…big mistakes…but these flame throwers are pretty cool and we got them cheap.. I know…I know… after you add in all the money we had to pay out for damages they weren’t so cheap but still, we’re gonna kick this snows ass. I mean if we had used these flame throwers during the blizzard, pow! No snow but all you babies out there cryin’ “You can’t use the flame throwers, you burned my house down, I’m gonna sue you.” well let me tell you what smart guy, we’re usin’ the flame throwers. I had all the public works employees take a video course on flame throwers last week, so there…” Mr. Pfeil’s comments then devolved into cursing and unintelligible sobs and he was eventually led from the podium by his physician.

    • Goongod
    • January 12th, 2011

    Gotta work better than Asbury Park. Looks like they use steam rollers.

    • Art Buchwald
    • January 14th, 2011

    This column bristles with the tart energy Mike Royko used so effectively in covering the hurly burly of Chicago.

    Well done.

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