I Hate Me, Part 299,905

but it was on sale

I was looking around the house in preparation for putting away Christmas (boxes for: ornaments, lights, good will toward men, etc.) and it hit me, actually it didn’t hit me, it’s always there, sometimes it bubbles up to the surface. I’m a (self)victim of the Tyranny of Stuff. We have so much shit; records, books, records, dvd’s. I feel like Marley’s ghost clanking about with boxes of records and art books weighing me down. Of course I won’t/can’t get rid of it. Years of collecting, defining myself and my “cool” by my possessions, complete self aggrandizing bullshit. I know this and yet I can’t get rid of it. Yes, I still want the book of 1,000 Clown Pictures. No, I don’t want to get rid of that pre-war book of German maps. I really could use an editor, because the one in my head is off the rails. Nothing underlines my point better than the Completely Mad Don Martin. Before I left on tour I went to Barnes & Noble to get a book for the tour (because I don’t have enough). I ended up leaving with this monstrosity of a book with the complete output of Don Martin’s Mad years. People my age (48) especially guys will recognize his stuff, the guy who drew the funny looking people and had the goofy sound effect words, Flabadap! Gaplork! Furshglurk! The book is in the same series as the complete Far Side. You can make an argument (albeit weakly) for a giant Far Side book but the Don Martin book, there’s no defending it. “It was on sale…it was only $25…IT WAS 150 DOLLARS! “ I stammered when I got it home.  It was like the 12 year old Tim had the wallet of the 48 year old Tim, unfortunately this happens too often and soon the 48 year old Tim will have as much money as the 12 year old Tim.

    • fishbreath
    • January 3rd, 2011

    ahhh, the amazing dr. fonebone—who could forget don martin? Yes the sounds and whenever a body was punctured (bullet, cannonball or whatever), the wound always looked like the holes in a slice of swiss cheese. And the huge feet! i’m right there with you.
    -flibapp

  1. i feel your pain…..

    • Chris Burns
    • January 4th, 2011

    “25 BUCKS!!!” My thoughts exactly when I bought this set last year. BN online has it for $104, probably because it ships on a wooden pallet.

    • Brett B.
    • January 6th, 2011

    Hey, I bumped into you leaving B&N that night and I totally approved of that purchase. But then again, I have a room full of records and baseball memorabilia, so I’m proabably not sane either.

    • Pete Carey
    • January 9th, 2011

    I can identify with these types of purchases. I act like Vincent “Vinnie the Chin” Gigante whenever I am trolling though memorabilia and garbage on EBay. But I’m not the shrewd, calculating, mob boss Vinnie the Chin, I’m the bathrobe wearing, shuffling, muttering, deranged, unshaven Vinnie “The Chin”. I’ve made some purchases that qualify me as mentally unstable in the eyes of a sane individual (or spouse). The kids are always excited to see what bizarre contraption Dad has decided to purchase rather then saving for their college tuition. A few of these gems:
    – One 1952 John Wayne “The Searchers” comic book (VG condition)
    – One autographed game used hockey stick previously owned by legendary NHL enforcer Joey Kocur
    – One 8×10 Don Rickles color photograph (unsigned)
    – One vintage Guinness beer can (empty)

    • Dave G.
    • January 12th, 2011

    Don’t worry, Tim, I was coveting that set even when it was a hundred bucks

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