Archive for January, 2011

I Hate Me, Part 188,340

…Rolf Harris

When I was in Monster Magnet and Circuit Records was going to put out our first single it was a big deal. I never thought in a million years that I would be in a band that would have a single out. So when it came time to pick a photo for the back of the record there was a disagreement. Dave and John wanted to use one where all our faces were obscured, I wanted one where my face showed, because I didn’t think that anyone would believe that I was in a band that had put out a record. They finally relented and I was pretty happy. About a month or so later we had a review from one of the British music weeklies (I forget if it was NME or Sounds), it was a tiny two or three line thing but we were psyched. It was a vague nothing review and at the end of it the guy wrote something like “Oh my God their drummer is Rolf Harris!”. It was not a complimentary remark, Rolf Harris was a kind of novelty act in England and had a hit with “Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport”. Ugh, as John McBain pointed out to me after we saw it, “Hey, You wanted your face to be seen… Rolf.”

and on drums…

Sunday Music 1/30/2011

Nixon Now-Burning Down the Neighborhood
Great detroit rock by way of Germany, they’ve been around since 1996 (I think). This is from a split single with The Nomad Riders on Swamp Room records (2004)

01 Burning Down the Neighborhood

A message from the Department of Salmon

“The Interior Department is in charge of salmon while they’re in freshwater, but the Commerce Department handles them when they’re in saltwater, and I hear it gets even more complicated once they’re smoked.” From President Obama’s State of the Union Address, 1/26/11
We at the Department of Salmon (a branch of the Commerce Department) know that the President’s amusing jibe at us was all in good fun. However, we do take our responsibilities very seriously and would like to clear up a couple of misconceptions concerning our job and our mission.
*We monitor salmon for your own good: Five years ago a group of Salmon went on a minor crime spree in the Portland Oregon area. Infractions that included vandalism at stores that sold smoked salmon and check forgery were traced back to this group. Unfortunately they were never apprehended,. Which prompted us to “finger print” (actually a process that gets a print of the salmon’s right front fin) all the salmon in the pacific northwest. It’s an expensive process but we feel it’s necessary for your safety.
*Salmon counseling gets results: We know that salmon is an integral part of the pacific northwest’s economy. Tests have shown that salmon possess a very fragile psyche. That’s why we employ dedicated salmon counselors or “Salmon whisperers” to help the salmon who don’t want to go upstream. It’s hard to track actual results but we have a good feeling about it.
*Salmon like colorful hats: Along with salmon counseling we instituted a pilot program in which we put tiny festive hats on the salmon just to brighten their day and maybe swim a little bit harder. The salmon seem to enjoy these tiny hats. Don’t worry about them falling off of their tiny fish heads, through a series of straps and clamps these colorful waterproof hats will be on them for years making their lives (and yours) a little bit brighter.
Thank you for your time.

where's my hat?

I Hate Me, Part 102,331

hello ladies

I was going through some old family pictures and I found what I think might be my first real* beard. I think this photo dates from 1980 or 81.   I had tried growing a beard before and the results  looked like I was a  burn victim; thin, patchy with red blotches (my zits) poking through.  So I decided just let it go and after many months it eventually achieved a certain beardness (see photo).  Of course the moustache (if one could be so charitable) was another story. It was barely there, giving me an unwashed neckbeard look.  This added to my overall look that I inadvertently cultivated which could best be described as “woman repellent”.

*real-ish

Lp covers that give douche chills

I look at hundreds sometimes thousands of LP’s every week and there are some great ones, there’s also some that give me douche chills. There’s a country band called Sawyer Brown, that had consistent douche chill worthy covers. I found this one the other day; Bryan Duncan-Have Yourself Committed, he’s a Christian artist on Word records. .

detail of front cover

Back cover, “but seriously, give your life to God”

Sunday Music 1/23/2011

The Glow e.p.

01 Caveman
Homostupids-Caveman
This is from the e.p. The Glow which came out in 2006. Great stuff, three songs that clock in at under four minutes total.There is another version of this song on their lp The Intern which is kind of crappy.

English as a Second language

To me Howlin’ Wolf had the greatest singing voice ever. Here’s a dutch compilation with an interesting description of him that makes it seem like he’s some sort of monster out of an old movie

Bagel Shop Giving Away 1 Million Green Bagels

A&P Press, George Theodore

A bagel maker has joined the hype for Sunday’s Jet game . Gern Sturnum owner of It’s a Bagel Bagel, Bagel, Bagel World in Syosset, is giving away one million green bagels to help fans cheer on the Jets. However, there is a catch, the bagels are all moldy. Sternum says “What…Do you think I’d give away a million edible bagels? No, that’s crazy. These have been sitting around in a warehouse for months, they got all moldy and stuff. I forgot about ‘em and then the Jets started doin’ good and I figured, Why Not. These ain’t for eatin’. They’re for throwin’ around and celebratin with. Jesus, outside of vegetables and some fruit what kind of food is green? Rotten food, that’s what.” The bagels will be available starting Thursday morning.

all moldy

I Hate Me, Part 239,009

It was Sunday morning. I was lying around in bed with my wife, acting like we had a day off together. A few deluded minutes where you plan out an imaginary day before real life intrudes. I let the delusion last a little too long and was late for work and had to get dressed pretty fast. I have a collection of gray t-shirts ranging from “almost presentable” to “refused by a homeless person”. As I was leaving I saw that I was wearing one of the crummier gray shirts and I had to go back and change. I changed but forgot to re-comb my hair, yelled goodbye to my wife who was with the dog (now nicknamed “pack-a-day” because of her coughing) and headed out to my car. As I was backing out, I caught a good look at my hair in the rearview and I looked like a crazy person. I tried patting/pushing it into place but no go, It was too shitty to go to work looking the way it did. I had to go back in the house and comb it. Of course I was furious and late and furious. I got out of the car to go back in the house and the car door hit me. Why is the car door hitting me? Why is the car rolling backwards? We don’t live on a hill. YOU FUCKING IDIOT, THE CAR IS STILL IN REVERSE! I jumped back in the car and threw it in park. I’ve read where people are killed in this way but it was so slow, if anything I would have died of embarrassment. In case any of the neighbors were looking, I got out of the car (now in park) and did the international sign of blowing your own head off. I then went in and combed my hair.

Sunday Music 1/16/2011

Mudhoney-Into Yer Shtik
One of the greatest fuck-off songs ever. It’s rumored to be about Courtney Love and I’m sure some of it’s bile is directed that way but then it expands taking in pretty much everything. It’s from the underrated My Brother The Cow album

05 Into Yer Shtik