I Hate Me, Part 272,824

my enemy, my knife

I went up to New York for a meeting. After the meeting I got a coffee with a couple of friends. While standing on the street drinking coffee and talking I felt that my pocket knife was stuck in my pocket. The key ring part (see photo) was stuck on a loose thread. The pocket had been recently sewn, so I figured I’d just yank the knife out of my pocket. Bad move. While I got the knife out I also re-tore my pocket. I found this out as I felt a bunch of change cascade down my leg. A few pieces ended up on the sidewalk, the remainder (21 coins, $1.97) ended up in my shoe. I had a train to catch and I wasn’t gonna take off my shoe on a crowded subway or a train. So there I was with what amounted to an uncomfortable coin insole and getting angrier with every step. When I got home a cold drink and an empty shoe made things better. Cut to the next morning. I was supposed to drop my step daughter off at the bus stop for school and I got up late. So I jumped out of bed, and quickly threw on a shirt and unknowingly the same pair of pants, I jammed my cell phone, pocket knife and change I took out of my shoe back into the torn pocket. As I was running down stairs I felt my knife slide down my leg and some change in my shoe and in my head I was yelling “FUUUUUUUUCK!”

    • Wheezer
    • September 24th, 2010

    That old boy scout habit of packing a pocket knife will trip you up.I’d recommend a gradual withdrawal, unless you plan on going rock climbing sometime soon. Then you’d better have one handy just in case you have to hack your own arm off.

    • Chris Burns
    • September 24th, 2010

    While the previous comment is well taken,a knife is essential for whittlin’ during contemplative moments of studyin’ an’ figgerin’.

    • Totally Reasonable Anger Management Graduate
    • September 25th, 2010

    Why are you carrying a knife anyway? You think you’re going to defend yourself with that glorified toothpick? There’s simply no reason to have a weapon like that on you at all times. Think about the signal your sending to others. “If I don’t get my way I’ll stab you.” Is that how you want people to think of you? As a constant threat? Is that how you feel like you’re in control of your life, your surroundings, your loved ones? That’s right, I said it: your loved ones. Some day you’ll be out to lunch with your cousin, and you’ll have a minor disagreement about a recent sporting event, and the next thing you know you’re skinning your cousin alive on the sidewalk. Think it can’t happen to you? Think you’re ok with people disagreeing with you? Well I used to think the same thing, and let me tell you Mister: I’ve seen what can happen. I’ve been there, and I’m here to tell you that we’re all just one argument away from the most heinous barbarism that we’ve ever imagined.

    Lose the knife, tough guy.

    I miss Charlie. I wish someone had stopped me.

    • feedtim
    • September 25th, 2010

    You’re both correct. That’s my curse, I can see both sides of everything.

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